I got in a pretty heated debate last week with a couple of guys at work about the topic of how to appropriately ask a girl out.

Beavis and Butthead tried telling me that not only is texting an acceptable and expected way of asking a girl out, but that they have never, nor would they, pick up a phone and directly call a girl to request her company for the night.

I found this unacceptable. They kept trying to spit some bullshit about how no one talks on the phone anymore and that calling a girl directly is too much pressure and scares her off.

Erroneous! Even my four year old niece picks up the phone when someone calls – a girl does not get ‘pressured’ when you call her directly. That is unless you’re a fucking psycho that waits for her outside of her building/watches her sleep in which case it doesn’t matter how you’re contacting her because she will run.

Not asking a girl out directly says one of three things;

1. You don’t give a shit about actually dating her, you just want to bang her – which is fine if that’s all you want, but then why even ask her on a date? See where she checks in on facebook and show up after she’s already hammer timed and invite her back to your place – way easier, less money to spend on your end and little-to-no expectation of a follow up call/date. You’re welcome
2. You don’t have the confidence required to ask her out because you’re scared of rejection. Although this objection is fair, it’s also bullshit. If people didn’t take chances we wouldn’t have things like, I dunno, cars..or Pez dispensers or fucking stiletto heels
3. You’re gay

This is the point where I’d like to add that both Beavis and Butthead are under the age of 25. Though I don’t think age should matter when determining whether or not you’re a gentleman, they felt the need to bring my age into the debate.

Me: You guys, I don’t care that texting or social media is the most popular form of communication right now! You pick up the phone and CALL her, or ask her in-person, end of story.

Beavis & Butthead: Jenny, times have changed since you started dating. Guys don’t do that stuff anymore.

Oh no they didn’t.

Me: Really? Really, guys? Times have changed so much in the three year age difference between us that gentleman no longer exist, girls are expected to fall at your feet and you literally have to put little to no effort in finding a girlfriend?

Beavis & Butthead: Yeah. It’s called Tinder.

Fuck.

Facebook: The Real Cape
Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

I always get what I want. That sounds bratty, (which I won’t lie, I am 98.76% of the time)..but I’m a firm believer in that if you want something bad enough then nothing should stop you from getting it. As long as it’s within reason.

• Unrealistic want: Marrying Zac Efron
• Realistic want: Sleeping with a look-a-like

• Unrealistic want: Getting down to my original weight of 7 pounds 6 ounces
• Realistic want: losing 15 pounds through exercising/not eating solids

You get the idea.

So how do you go about getting what it is that you want most? Call her what you will, but my girl Britney says it best..

You bust your ass, that’s how. I don’t care what it is that you’re trying to attain, you don’t stop until you get it. You want a promotion at work? Well then you work longer hours, go above and beyond what’s expected and maybe even sleep with your boss. Okay, that’s extreme but you follow me?

Nothing pisses me off more than when someone bitches about how badly they want something, but are too lazy or unwilling to work for it. I wanted this Kate Spade bag that I just couldn’t justify buying since I’m supposed to be able to pay rent, my car payment and some bullshit someone spit at me about needing insurance..so what did I do?

I ate nothing but brussel sprouts and mustard for the entire month of February and BOOM – got the bag AND matching wallet.

You have a crush on a guy that you really want to date? Well then quit spending more time with Ben & Jerry than you do in public, brush your hair and for Christ sakes learn some social skills. I don’t care how unfortunate looking you are, if you’re cool to chill with and don’t suck to talk to; 9 out of 10 times you can at least get him drunk enough to sleep with you.

Been in a funk lately and just want to be happy again? Then quit sitting around feeling sorry for yourself and go do something to turn your attitude around! Whether it be take a vacation, go for a run or get black out…just DO something about it!

So basically, what I’m saying is…just do what I say and act like me and you’ll get everything you want out of life. Like a new Kate Spade bag, hilarious blog and a drinking problem.

Facebook: The Real Cape
Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony