Let’s Have Real Talk About Piping Plovers

plover cape

EAST SANDWICH — Selectmen in Article 12 asked voters to rescind a May 2013 Town Meeting vote that directed $40,000 be taken from $200,000 worth of beach-parking and sticker receipts each year and placed in an account for future public ocean-beach and dune renourishment projects.

Article opponents, however, said no money has been spent on shoreline beaches except to protect piping plovers. They said the Sandwich Boardwalk is in disrepair, the beaches are eroding, dunes are disappearing and the $40,000 flowing in a separate account would – at the very least – represent a stopgap effort “to do something.”

Can I ask a question? Do Piping Plovers eat terrorists and shit diamonds or something? How did these little bastards become more important to humans than beach erosion and boardwalk disrepair? And more importantly why do I have to walk 3 miles out of my way to get around their roped off VIP section at the beach. Can’t these Plovers Pipe somewhere else?

Do you know how many species became extinct while you slept last night? 30. So where is their VIP section? Why are Piping Plovers so important? I know, I know, they are tiny and cute and we love everything that is tiny and cute. Babies, puppies, midgets, nobody wants to see something small and cuddly die, but you don’t see the midgets asking for roped off areas of beach. We don’t rope off sections of Hyannis for the bums so people don’t disturb their nests.

You might not say it in public, but deep down you agree with this, you know you do. These fuckers have been protected for years now and they still can’t cut it in the wild. It’s time to let go folks, the world is moving forward and if the Piping Plovers can’t keep up then it’s time to cut our losses and go back to having a direct route from our chairs to the snack bar. We did what we could, but it’s a cruel world out there. If they die… they die.

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Comments 15

  1. Yea fuck them for trying to survive right? Instead of giving them a little but of what is left of their natural habitat lets just say fuck the balance of earth and keep plowing through this world and dominating it to the destruction of other species. We need more nice scenery to tan ourselves so we can be ‘desirable’ and ‘impress’ others of our kind with our physical beauty. We need places to swim too. We need for our children to play in the sand and have a grand old time, all regardless of the big picture consequences. Our lives revovle around finance, you stupid lousy birds, and if we want to destroy your entire species overnight, fuck you. Lets compare it to the 30 other species that die overnight, every night. I will denote the study that references this ‘fact’ from this ‘accurate scientific study’ below. It’s on the internet so it must be factual, just follow the link. (Nah, I’m not really going to add a reference though.) One thing I will definitely attest to as well is that those ’30 species that go extinct everynl night’ is just nature taking it’s course. It’s completely logical to think that is just nature’s course. Nature has a way of working things out and naturally kills an entire ’30 species overnight’ since the dawn of life. It’s has nothing to do with man kind being a little over zealous with developing a business enterprise for profit regardless of the toll it takes on nature’s balance of our environment (EXCEPT FOR IN THE CASE OF THESE FUCKING BIRDS WHICH IS TOTALLY OUR FAULT. NO, MY OPINIONS IN THIS MAGNIFICENT ARTICLE ARE NOT A COMPLETE CONTRADICTION OF THEMSELVES!!!) So, in summation, humans are not disrupting the balance of nature by purposefully looking the other way as species are destroyed for humanity’s gain. If anything, were HELPING nature progress, by stimulating the process of extinction! Humans are superior and we have a right to do whatever we want. Why? Because we are always right in whatever decision we make. So, lets build a new boardwalk because our old one is in serious need of some restructuring. That’s the real tragedy here people.

    1. Piping plovers suck. Destroying lower cape tourism and town revenue due to unneccesary beach closures. 6 miles of drivable beach closed becuase one pair of birds decided to nest in a tire track. They are poorly managed. Just like seals. Federally protected, multiplying like locusts, so they can destroy local fishing industry, and attract mega predators. Seems logical right? spend a bunch of money in conservation which in turn costs locals a bunch more money in lost revenue… where’s the benefit?

      1. They are the predators. We are the predators. Blah, blah, blah. We could go on forever with our opinions. Now why don’t we argue with logic, the facts that you have addressed. Humans need larger town revenues and increased fishing industry to, once again, benefit our own kind, regardless of long term effects. Closing off beaches in such drastic meausure, and so quickly, not letting society adjust their views on ‘nature preservation’, also a decision made under political influence (and oh boy, those decisions are ALWAYS the correct ones, for the people, by the people, and never a result of anyone searching for economic gain, political ‘power’, the need to maintain some righteous views of themselves within and by others.) And why do we need tourism to collect larger revenue, a more active fishing industry? It’s a result of human ignorance and neglect. Over population, building a society where our system has no limits, regardless of consequence. Our economic struggle, a result of the ignorance and neglect of consequence by our past generation. They did not think long term, and now our generations are doing the same. For every action, there is a equal and opposite reaction. Nature DOES have a way of fixing itself over time. We are the problem. We are the predators. We are not of any more importance than any other living being on this planet, but our levels of higher intelligence has lead us to believe that we have the resources to control nature, and others of our species. Humanity does not have immunity from the ways of nature. This world will eventually restore balance. Nature will take it’s course. Humanity, allies or enemies?

  2. […] I hate to be the bearer of bad news on this one buddy but you might want to move to Amish country, because the odds of you finding girls with all of these qualities on Cape Cod that are willing to perform sex acts for money is about as good as the odds of me be hired by the Audubon Society as the official spokesperson for preserving the natural habitat of the Piping Plover. […]

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