Provincetown Police Blotter Always Has At Least One Gem

coyote – During the six-week period of Monday, December 16, 2013 through Monday, January 27, 2014, the officers of the Provincetown Police Department responded to 2,230 calls for service.

Over the course of those weeks, there were six warrant services, all resulting in arrests, three reports of larceny/forgery/fraud, one larceny, three breaking and entering burglaries, one domestic disturbance, two disorderly calls and eight disturbances…

One of our favorite times of the month is when Cape Cod Today publishes the P-Town police blotter. There is always at least one thing to chuckle at. Upon reading last months I thought it might be the first to disappoint us, until I got all the way down to the very last sentence that is…

…and there was one report of painted coyotes.

That’s it, that’s all it says about it. I have so many questions! Did the police respond? Did they find the painted coyotes? Do they have a lead on who painted the coyotes? Does anyone know where to get the mushrooms that the people who reported the painted coyotes were on? How can they leave this so open ended like this, don’t they know I will be thinking about it for ages. We NEED details!

I think the question that is really bothering me the most is whether or not there’s a law against painting coyotes in Provincetown to begin with. P-Town lets homeless people drink beers on the steps of their Town Hall, I’m 78% sure that coyote painting is probably encouraged there right? Plus there’s not much happening in the winter, coyote painting in P-Town is probably akin to cow tipping in Iowa.

God I hope coyote painting catches on around here. I can’t even imagine how hilarious the comments from the Piping Plover wackos would be on our articles about how much we love the new trend of psychedelic coyote packs roaming the peninsula.

P.S. A friend of mine saw a painted coyote once, but when the weed wore off he realized it was just his neighbors poodle wearing a knit sweater.

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Comments 1

  1. Makes me wonder if it’s a typo… what if it was fainted coyotes? Or pained coyotes? So many questions!

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