Capecodtoday.com – EAST WAREHAM – A USPS delivery containing what looked like Christmas gifts contained a lot more, according to a Wareham police release. Last Thursday, the United States Police Office delivered a package to the home at 96 Plymouth Ave. in East Wareham.

When a resident of the home, 23-year-old Zachary Driscoll, took delivery of the package, police executed a search warrant, arresting Driscoll and seizing the package.

Inside the package, police found 25 individual plastic bags containing a combined 8 to 10 pounds of marijuana.

Police estimate the street value of the marijuana at $18,000 to $20,000.

Only Wareham criminals are dumber than Cape criminals. Wrapping the weed you are sending through the U.S. Mail to look like Christmas presents is going to get you caught 94% of the time. Everyone knows that a Christmas present is typically 68% more valuable than a regular package. Since 37% of mail carriers open 28% of the more valuable packages 42% of the time, Zachary Driscoll had a 100% chance of getting caught. That’s not opinion, that’s mathematics.

P.S. 10 pounds of weed valued at $20k is why Wareham is Wareham. They are the only people in the United States still smoking Mexican brick weed with branches in it and shit. Homeboy was probably gonna break all ten pounds down to dime bags that actually cost $10 because nobody told him it’s not 1983 anymore.

Facebook: The Real Cape
Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

Capecodtoday.com – On this day in 2003, the Barnstable Town Council approved sculptor David Lewis’ revised design for a statue of John F. Kennedy to be placed in front of the JFK Museum.

The original design of Kennedy and his son, John F. Kennedy Jr., as grown men set off an uproar that extended well beyond the Cape. Critics argued such a scenario never occurred, since the younger Kennedy was 3-years-old when his father died in 1963.

Of course the original idea of JFK Jr. and JFK as grown men side by side was rejected. There is no possible way the world could handle that much swagger at once. Humans probably wouldn’t even be able to look directly at such an exhibit or they would go blind like it was an eclipse.

Just looking at JFK by himself in that photo put me at half mast. Throw Jr. into the mix and I’d be helpless. I can’t imagine what would happen to women in the presence of both JFK’s in their prime. I’m guessing any female that came within an eight mile radius of the JFK library would become pregnant instantly. They would have to install troughs full of morning after pills on the streets of Hyannis to keep the population under control.

Facebook: The Real Cape
Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

Capecodonline.com — Nearly 45 years after opening, ZooQuarium, the iconic, kid-friendly petting zoo and aquarium on Route 28, has closed.

“It’s been a labor of love,” said Dennis Markham, who ran the facility built by his wife’s father and another man in 1969. “It’s a hard thing to do.”

Markham, his wife and her brother decided to sell the property earlier this year, he said. The doors closed Dec. 1.

“We just decided that’s enough,” Markham, 65, said. “Everything catches up to you when you’re aging.”

Almost all of the animals who lived on the property have been moved to farms and other animal centers on the East Coast, Markham said.

Do you think they mean that all the animals have really been moved to farms? Or is Dennis Markham giving us the parent who put down the dog routine and all the animals were “sent to the farm” wink, wink? I legit thought my childhood dog was sent to a farm in Vermont until I was like twenty three years old, when my friends finally filled me in I was devastated.

Did anyone actually go to the Zooquarium growing up or was it just for tourists? Seems like such a tourist thing to do. Come to Cape Cod and go look at a tied up goat and some crabs in a fish tank. I’m not saying we din’t go to the aquarium growing up, it’s just that we called it the beach, and the petting zoo was our Portuguese neighbors backyard.

P.S. Now that I’ve read this Zooquarium story I will be singing the radio jingle song in my head all day. Does everyone else remember what I’m talking about? UPDATE: Here is the Zooquarium song!

Facebook: The Real Cape
Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

ORLEANS – Marcus Bennett, 22, of Centerville was charged June 25 with assault after an argument and shoving match with a woman, according to Orleans District Court records.

On July 30, Bennett appeared with his “girlfriend” and said the woman wanted to ask a judge to have the charge dropped.

But Cape and Island Assistant District Attorney Jessica Kroker noticed the woman was not the person she was familiar with from the case, and asked to speak with her, records state.

The woman signed a contact information form with the victim’s name and gave the victim’s correct birthdate, but listed the wrong date of the offense. She also could not provide a social security number or driver’s license.

The woman told Kroker her friend Brittni Wade, 22, of Sandwich, drove her to the courthouse, but she later admitted to actually being Wade. She said she knew her friend Bennett was in trouble and wanted to help him, court records state.

Ah the old dropping charges against the guy who shoved you even though you aren’t the girl he shoved trick. I can’t believe it didn’t work, who would ever think that the Court would ask for such detailed info as a social security number? You can tell they thought of every other little detail involved in faking someones identity though. Well, except for having one single form of IDENTIFICATION.

But that last part technically isn’t even a lie. Brittni Wade DID drive the woman in question to the courthouse. Just because she was the driver doesn’t mean she wasn’t the passenger as well right? Or maybe it does? I don’t know but I really thought Brittni was going to get away with it. She really held it all together right up until the part when she had to speak and answer questions.

Facebook: The Real Cape
Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

If you are a regular reader of my music section you have noticed I am not a pop music wizard. I am not ashamed of this nor do I apologize for it. The last few days at my “real” job my boss has forced me to listen to a radio station (that shall remain nameless) that plays today’s “hits”.

I have no beef at all with the DJ, I respect the hell out of what they do. It’s not easy to sit there by yourself and talk on air for hours at a time. The disc jockeys on this station did an exceptional job with that part.

My beef with these station is as old as F.M radio itself, WHY THE HELL DO I HAVE TO HEAR THE SAME 10 SONGS EVERY GOD DAMN HOUR? I understand you need to play what the people that tune in want to hear, but good lord. I know for a fact that there is more than 10 “hits” out there. If I have to hear “Cruise” by Nelly one more time I might drive my car off the 2nd Sagamore bridge.

Not sure if the program director is to blame, but someone needs to inform whoever is making these decisions. I don’t expect them to stop playing the “hits”, but at least maybe have a 2 hour time slot before that song can be played again. I know…I know, if I don’t like it I don’t have to listen. Don’t get your ear bud cords tangled and get all pissy. Even if a radio station that plays music that I actually like did this, I would be pissed.

P.s- I love music and respect how hard people work in radio
P.s.s- I am Insane

Facebook: The Real Cape
Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

Barnstable Patch – Girl Scout Cookies, on Sale December 13 – March 4,

Girl Scouts of Eastern Massachusetts is excited to bring back America’s favorite cookies, and to introduce two new flavors, including one that is gluten-free.

Girl Scout cookies are $4 a package, Gluten Free are $5 a pouch. To find out where to buy cookies in your area visitwww.hergirlscouts.org, click on the“cookie locator” and enter your zip code.

Yeah I clicked on the cookie locator and guess what? I can’t find a god damn Thin Mint any closer than 23.1 miles away in Rockland. What is the story with Girl Scouts and their cookie exclusivity? It’s easier to find a unicorn than it is to find a Girl Scout these days.

Real talk? The Girl Scouts should be arrested on three counts of trickery anyway. If I could buy their cookies any time of year at 7-Eleven, I would never buy them. There are much better cookie options out there. But just because I can’t get them on the regular, next time I see a Girl Scout I’ll probably tackle her and order two cases minimum.

P.S. And you can forget about rationing them until they come back again. The single serving size of Thin Mints is one sleeve, I have never once not finished a sleeve that is open.

P.P.S. If you don’t freeze your Thin Mints you should be extradited to Liberia because you don’t deserve Thin Mints or a freezer.

Facebook: The Real Cape
Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

You thought we were a one trick pony huh? No, we don’t just get blurry pics of homeless people boozing on public property. Sometimes we are graced with a photograph that is indicative of an elevated artistic sensibility. Today’s photo, taken in Woods Hole, definitely falls in this category. If you are a fan of photography and Cape Cod you should probably be following benshotme on Facebook or at this website.

If you have a photo that represents the Real Cape Cod please submit it below or use the link at the top of the page. From beautiful sunsets to drunken comedy and everything in between, we want to see what you see. (Author is optional)

Submit a new post

Title

Post content or file description

Your Media Files

Facebook: The Real Cape
Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony