Capecodonline.com – Jen McCaffrey Blog – …six former Cape League players are on the current ballot: Craig Biggio (Y-D, ’86), Jeff Bagwell (Chatham, 87-88), Frank Thomas (Orleans, ’88), Jeff Kent (Cotuit, ’88), Sean Casey (Brewster, ’94) and J.T. Snow (Orleans, ’88).

Thomas and Biggio are most likely the only of the six that will make it in, but this is still a notable achievement for the Cape League. Just another feather in Cape Cod’s cap of global dominance. Chips, beer, baseball, clothing etc. etc… You name it, The Cape does it best.

Another former Cape League player, Red Sox manager John Farrell, will be accompanied by the great Peter Gammons at a fundraiser at the Sea Crest in Falmouth on January 16th. I’m not sure why Insane Tony and I haven’t received our press passes yet, but it’s probably just an oversight by the Falmouth Commodores and I’m sure they will arrive soon.

Get your tickets HERE

 

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Hyannisnews.com In the middle of last night’s storm, shortly after 8:30pm, a seasoned veteran Barnstable Police Patrolman responded to Ocean Street after a spooked woman called dispatch complaining about “paranormal images” on her cell phone…

After examining the images on the phone, taking the room, lighting, and outside snowy conditions into consideration, the sagacious patrolman solved the caper.

With the seriousness of a public servant who has truly seen it all, Barnstable Patrolman Steve O’Brien radioed that the paranormal-like image was the result of the woman standing in front of a window while taking a “selfie.”

The specter-like images turned out to be nothing more than inside reflections off a window contrasting with the dark and snowy outdoors…

This lady is fucking AWESOME. Taking snowstorm selfies and inadvertently capturing your own reflection in a window is one thing. Assuming it is a ghost takes her into a different league entirely, but the absolute pinnacle of insanity is calling the police to report it.

What type of ridiculous life must you have lived up to that point to think that calling the cops on a ghost is in any way shape or form an acceptable thing to do? Who raised this human? Did she think that the cops would get there, agree that it was definitely a ghost and launch a ghost hunt? You need to be extremely detached from reality for that to be your thought process.

Let’s say it even does get that far and the cops manage to find the ghost. The police are not equipped for the apprehension of a ghost, what are they going to do handcuff the thing? Put it in the patrol car? It’s a fucking ghost, it doesn’t exist within the confines of the material world for christ sakes it would just float away.

Fuck. Now I am arguing that handcuffs wouldn’t work on ghosts, this lady sucked me into her insanity and I don’t even know her. I hope she doesn’t have a husband because that dude would be screwed. If she does he must be the king of the not listening/smile and nod/yes dear game.

Crazy Lady: “Frank there was a ghost behind me in the selfie I took today so I called the cops and they didn’t even do anything they just tried to tell me it was a reflection and they didn’t even search for it so now we have to move and it made me so upset I burned the sugar cookies I was going to serve your sister and her husband and now I have anxiety which is giving the cat anxiety so she is constipated so I need you to the store and get cat lax and a bag of sugar immediately.”

Frank: (smiling and nodding ) “Yes dear”.

P.S. If you live in Hy-Town and you are not consistently reading Hyannisnews.com you are out of your mind. Best news site ever.

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Capecodonline.com – The organizer of the Cape’s new — and only — Marijuana Anonymous group is seeking places to put yard signs announcing the meetings.

The first 12-step meeting to help people with an addiction to marijuana will begin at 7 p.m. Monday at South Congregational Church in Centerville. The group will continue to meet weekly at that time.

The white signs, double-sided with green print, are typical yard signs that are placed in the ground.

We already know how I feel about these Marijuana Anonymous people, but they are in the news again with this little plea for places to put their signs so I’m revisiting an old subject. Seeing them in the news again gave me an idea. I decided I’m going to pick a random harmless plant and start a support group for those whose lives have been ruined by it.

Ladies and gentleman I proudly announce Eggplant Anonymous. We will be meeting in church basements across The Cape drinking burnt coffee out of paper cups and talking about the negative effects of the dastardly plant.

Have you lost your job because you were cooking up Eggplant Parm all night and peeking out of your windows at invisible intruders? Did your wife leave you because she caught you in a hotel room eating Roasted Eggplant with a transvestite hooker? Are you tired of finding your kids and their friends licking the eggplant peels left over in the sink from your all night Baba Ganoush parties?

If so please join us at 4:20 every afternoon at The Church of Our Lady of Addiction Hypochondria where we will be smoking weed by the pound and thanking our lucky stars that Mary Jane is not nearly as addictive as the Purple Princess. And if you don’t have a problem with eggplant, I implore you to not only think before you peel, but also stay away from zucchini. Everyone knows zucchini is the gateway veggie that leads you down the rabbit hole of a lifetime of hell.

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A while back we published a poll asking whether or not people thought we should build the proposed bridge right next to the Sagamore bridge. The results were very close at 51% against and 49% for the bridge. (3,457 votes)

At that time we did not add our opinion due to an understanding that I am not nearly smart enough to inject my opinion either way when it comes to something this big. Well luckily we found someone much smarter than me who seems to have it all figured out.

Captain Thomas L. Bushy of the Massachusetts Maritime Academy has been pondering this question since 1997. He has written both the Cape Cod Commission and the Governor with his ideas. He has agreed to let us publish those letters here in lieu of us babbling incoherently and making silly jokes about the subject. To read the proposal from Capt. Bushy CLICK HERE

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MVTimes.com – Oak Bluffs police arrested Brian Weston, 60, of Hampden, Massachusetts, on New Year’s Eve, and charged him with firing a shotgun multiple times, in what Mr. Weston claimed was a celebration of the New Year.

Police later discovered 12 weapons, 27 spent shell casings, and more than 1,500 rounds of ammunition in a home at 29 Second Avenue, near the Oak Bluffs Library, where the shots were fired, according to a police report. Mr. Weston’s license to carry firearms was revoked.

“The New Year had just started and I heard what I believed to be fireworks,” Officer Seth Harlow wrote in his police report. “There was a succession of loud ‘bangs,’ but I never saw any flashes of light in the sky.”

Once they located the home where the shots were fired, police asked Mr. Weston for identification. According to the police report, he became belligerent and scuffled with officers as they tried to take him into custody. Police say they observed a very strong odor of alcohol on Mr. Weston’s breath.

According to the police report, Mr. Weston maintained that he was celebrating the New Year and that he never had any intention of hurting anyone. He also said he shot at a deer because it was damaging his garden.

Aw c’mon ol’ Brian Weston was just fixin’ to to tryna have a good ol’ time on Nawyers Eve! What kinda world are we livin’ in when ya ain’t allowed to randomly shoot yer gun in celebration, and then quickly blast Bambi for eatin’ yer basil while yer at it?

I’ll tell you what though, if I told you a guy got arrested for being shitfaced and shooting off his gun in celebration of the New Year with a revoked license, and you closed your eyes and pictured him in your mind, he would look EXACTLY like that photograph.

P.S. Seriously though if you take away the revoked license part did this guy do anything illegal? You can do all that other stuff in this country as long as you have a license right?

P.P.S. ‘Merica?

P.P.P.S. Fuck Yeah?

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WCAI – Good luck finding local cod in Cape Cod, Mass.

The fish once sustained New England’s fishing industry, but in recent years, regulators have imposed severe catch limits on cod and the fish remain scarce.

“I’ve never seen codfishing this bad,” says Greg Wilinsky, who’s been fishing on Cape Cod for more than 30 years. “It looks to me like it’s over. And I can’t catch any codfish.”.

At Finely JP’s, a seafood restaurant on the Cape, owner John Pontius says he has always served local cod, but the shortage caused prices to skyrocket. So for a while, he took it off the menu.

Now Pontius serves cod imported from Iceland. He is not alone.

Cape Cod restaurants serving Cod from Iceland? I’m pretty sure this is one of the signs of the apocalypse right? What’s next, are we gonna have to import Cape Cod Beer from Germany? Start getting our Cape Cod Chips from Idaho?

This is not a good look for The Cape at all. This is like if Buffalo ran out of wings or the Swiss ran out of cheese, you just can’t let that happen. So what are the alternatives? Well look at this madness…

Duffy and other fish wholesalers are trying to build a local market for dogfish. But it’s a hard sell. In America, he says, it’s just not popular.

“I know what they do with dogfish. They send it to England mostly, and the English use it as fish and chips — and I believe that’s why they put vinegar on their fish and chips,” says Romeo Solviletti. He’s the manager of Connolly’s Seafood, just down the block from the Cape Ann Seafood Exchange.

Hold up a second, are we counting Dogfish as sharks? Are they part of the 73 million killed a year? This means I might be able to keep swimming in the ocean. Anyone who has ever fished on Cape Cod knows that those things are like the rats of the sea. Sometimes you catch them on every cast and it’s annoying as hell. They may account for 72.9 million on their own.

How about those nasty ass English people though huh? I mean I’ve probably caught hundreds of Dogfish and never entertained the idea of making Fish and Chips out of their back meat. Could English food be any worse? First they just throw meat in boiling water and now they’re frying up a fish we throw back by the hundreds. No wonder their teeth are so bad, they probably fall out in an effort to get their owner to stop eating all together.

 

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