Ad link Remotes: Dennisport – 30- 50 remotes, jvc and rca, sell individual or whole lot, call 781-929-3093

Should be a quick sale.

Every single person reading this, literally every single one, has at least 4 remotes in their house right now that they have never touched a button on, and most likely have no IDEA what they are for. Remember the last time you had to actually use the remote for something other than your cable box? It probably went something like this…

“Is it this one? No, shit… this one? Dammit, what the fuck is this one for?”

So whoever posted this ad to sell 30-50 random remotes can go straight to hell, what on earth makes you think anyone wants to add to their collection of shit they don’t use?

P.S. RCA and JVC? For real?

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

WELLFLEET – Residents in financial straits will receive free trash bags for the town’s new pay-as-you-throw trash system under a new Board of Health policy.

The free bags would be a first for Cape Cod.

Pay-as-you-throw begins Dec. 1 in Wellfleet for home and business owners who take their own trash to the transfer station on Coles Neck Road. By putting a price on the amount, the town hopes to encourage people to recycle, reuse and compost to reduce solid-waste costs.

The bags for trash are 50 cents for an 8-gallon bag; $1 for a 15-gallon bag; and $1.50 for a 33-gallon bag. Local grocery, convenience and hardware stores will sell the bags. Currently, residents also pay a vehicle sticker fee of $40 to use the transfer station.

People think Obamacare is socialist? Well get a load of Wellfleet making residents use town bags that they set the prices for and force local stores to sell. What is this Russia in 1982? Are we going to be waiting in line for 3 days for trash bags? This is America god dammit and we should be able to put our trash in burlap sacks if we want to!

Oh and you are going to give the poors free Obamabags? Who is going to pay for that? Who the hell do poor people think they are throwing stuff away anyway? Rich people throw stuff away. Hey poor people, WE DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE!

Wait what’s that? Most actual year round residents on Cape Cod aren’t rich? Oops, here’s your milkshake back. Sorry about that. Carry on Wellfleet.

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

With Medical Marijuana Dispensaries gaining permit support from town governments in Martha’s Vineyard, Mashpee and Dennis recently, there is a major business opportunity opening up in these here parts folks.

Since we are all about helping the community here at The Real Cape, we went ahead and wrote a business plan for you:

Mission:

To take advantage of the massive increase in people who are craving snack foods on Cape Cod. Due to the nature of the source of these munchy cravings, this new clientele will be less apt to be able to make complicated decisions. To remedy this problem our proposed Munchy Mart will carry only items that adhere to the cravings of those stoned out of their gourds.

Keys To Success:

1. Strategic locations in the areas of pot dispensaries

2. Brightly colored psychedelic signage with bubble lettering and kaleidoscope swirls

3. Lush landscaping with lots of pretty flowers

4. Interior decorated with hanging 3-D “magic eye” art

5. Grateful Dead live concerts playing on a continuous loop on a state of the art sound system

Specialized Inventory:

1. Tons and tons of candy

2. One type of bottled water, remember decision making is not a strong suit of our target market

3. Scented oils, incense and hemp jewelry

4. Where a normal convenience store has Wiffle ball bats and squirt guns? Didgeridoos and Devil Sticks!

5. Any type of food that can be microwaved and zero types of foods that require actual cooking

6. Only organic juices

7. Snack foods only, chips, cookies, crackers, popcorn etc. DO NOT confuse the issue with things like bread and milk

8. 8,327 flavors of blunt wraps and 6,248 types of rolling papers

There you have it, we guarantee that if someone follows this business plan to a T they will gross 8 billion dollars a year.

P.S. No shirt, no shoes? Plenty of service!

 

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

 

HYANNIS — Police have arrested a homeless man and charged him with four arsons in April at homes on Pilgrim Lane and Baxter Road.

Matthew James Pungitore, 27, was arrested Sunday on outstanding warrants and confessed to being in at least two of the homes that were damaged in the fires, according to Barnstable District Court documents.

After being arrested Sunday, Pungitore told York he had a bad drinking problem and sometimes blacked out, according to a police narrative filed in court. He also said he was homeless and stayed with friends, in motels or in the woods, according to the narrative.

I’m not a genius by any stretch of the imagination, but bro I think there may be a connection between you being homeless and the fact that you KEEP BURNING DOWN ALL THE HO– USES YOU ARE IN.

Last week we had a homeless guy in P-Town crying about having nowhere to go and now this dipshit keeps burning down the houses he breaks into and then bitches about having to sleep in the woods? What the hell is the matter with this peninsula? Our bums don’t even know how to bum right.

It’s not that hard. There is a tried and true formula to being homeless on Cape Cod in the winter that has worked for generations of bums. Here I’ll spell it out for you.

1. Break into unoccupied vacation home

2. Get drunk

3. Don’t burn the house down

4. Get drunk

5. Since you have nowhere to go because you are a bum, either sit in the woods or loiter in a public area making the rest of us uncomfortable.

6. Get drunk

7. Go back to the house you broke into

8. DON’T BURN THE FUCKING HO– USE DOWN.

Rinse and repeat. You’re welcome.

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

CCT – On this day in 1905, five lepers arrived on Penikese Island in Buzzard’s Bay, the site of the first and only leprosarium in Massachusetts. Over the next 16 years, 36 victims of leprosy, or Hansen’s disease, lived on the isolated island, along with a handful of caregivers.

Dr. Frank Parker and his wife, Marion, went to great lengths to make the patients comfortable, providing good food, fresh air, exercise, entertainment, and nursing, but it was nearly impossible to overcome the stigma and social ostracism associated with leprosy.

Most of us know The Elizabeth Island of Penikese as the home of a school for troubled youth, but who knew that before that we used to have ourselves a bona fide leper colony here on Cape Cod?

Imagine the life of a leper in 1905. How sad it must have been, to be seen as a mutant and ostracized from society. Being gawked at whenever you are seen in public. Only having one place to go where you feel comfortable because you are among all the other freaks of society.

The Penikese leper colony closed after 16 years in 1921 and it took about another 80 years, but finally another was built nearby in Falmouth here on The Cape. This modern day leper colony is much more progressive. It gives the dregs of society a chance to actually interact with regular people.

It’s good to know that we have progressed here on The Cape to the point where we now intermingle with the modern day lepers of our society. It is a great sign of humanity that right here on Cape Cod we have a place where the vagrants can not only be among themselves but also feel like they are part of society. It is truly heart warming that we, the normals, now feel comfortable among the wretches. It may get a bad rap sometimes but I for one support Cape Cod’s modern day leper colony (pictured below).

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony