CCT – Two 30-year-old Cape Cod men must now pay back the victims of their nighttime break-ins, a year after Bourne police said they stole from boats moored in Buttermilk Bay.

In July 2012, Bourne police received reports of stolen property on boats moored in Buttermilk Bay. While investigating the first reported robbery, police found feces in the boat’s toilet — and a black cellphone left behind in the bathroom.

Using the downloaded Facebook app, police traced the cellphone to Gratis, who said he had lost the phone and denied any involvement in the reported thefts. While speaking with Gratis at his Buzzards Bay residence, police said they witnessed Higney running through woods behind the Kayajan Avenue residence.

Higney was found hiding behind a shed with a case of beer, Bourne police said. He later admitted to taking a boat from shore with Gratis and rowing out to the boats, where the two stole prescription drugs, DVDs, jewelry and a leather cowboy hat, among other items.

Gratis eventually told police that he might have done something that July night, though he was too drunk at the time to remember.

It’s a story as old as time itself. One minute you’re on top of the world, blackout drunk, high on prescription drugs running around the woods with a case of beer wearing your newly acquired leather cowboy hat. The next minute you’re cuffed and stuffed just because you forgot your phone in the bathroom after dropping a deuce on the boat you broke into earlier. Could happen to anyone really.

Let this be a lesson to the rest of us. No checking Facebook while you’re shitting in the boat you broke into, if you leave your phone behind the police might not fall for the old “I might have done something, but I was too drunk to remember” excuse.

Facebook: The Real Cape
Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

PROVINCETOWN – The third annual Provincetown Fitness and Food Challenge this year won’t just incorporate gym classes, personal trainers and healthy menus at local restaurants.

This year, the exercise extravaganza that tempts the whole town with free gym days, nutrition classes and local business discounts will include dogs.

Man’s BFFs will get one-on-one consultations with a veterinarian at the beginning of the challenge, said Sadie Hutchings, a veterinarian at the Herring Cove Animal Hospital and Fido Fitness organizer…

Canines can look forward to weekly weigh-ins and a discount on weight-loss dog food, Hutchings added…

“A lot of people don’t recognize that their pets are overweight,” Hutchings said.

Chubby has become the new normal, she said. But a truly healthy animal is lean…

Perhaps only in Provincetown would a pet fitness program run alongside a human one, said Denise Gaylord, a personal trainer, life coach and founder of the Provincetown Fitness and Food Challenge.

But her fitness challenge idea has sprouted all kinds of creative offshoots.

For example, one local restaurant, Fanizzi’s, now offers a winter fitness menu. And Toys of Eros, an adult shop, is offering discounts to fitness challenge participants.

Some people might think personal trainers, nutrition classes and one on one consultations are a bit over the top for dogs, but I am 100% on board with this. These are aren’t just any dogs, these are Provincetown dogs. These dogs have a reputation to uphold, a P-Town dog is refined, modern and fit while being social, sophisticated and fashionable. A P-Town dog should be fabulous.

We can’t let these dogs fall into this “chubby is the new normal” mindset. It’s time we shame these canines into weekly public weigh ins and low fat dog foods. Being a Provincetown dog is not just calling yourself one Fido, it’s a lifestyle god damn it!

P.S. On a separate note, how about that last sentence?

Toys of Eros, an adult shop, is offering discounts to fitness challenge participants.

Only in P-Town would entering your dog in a fitness challenge get you a discount on whips and vibrators.

P.P.S. If this were one of those sophomoric websites with no class we would probably make a joke about a Provincetown life coach named Denise Gaylord, but since we are much too classy for that we won’t even mention it.

Facebook: The Real Cape
Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

Of course the seal wants to come aboard their boat. He’s probably been hunting for hours with no luck. He sees these guy all camouflaged out with a bunch of decoys and shotguns making perfect fake duck noises and he wants in. This seal is no idiot, he recognizes technological advantages when he sees them and he wants in on some of that Uncle Si, Duck Dynasty shit.

P.S. What bay are these guys in?

Facebook: The Real Cape
Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

 

The Falmouth Christmas Parade Results For 2013 Are In:

This year, the Best of Parade trophy went to the Falmouth Elks Lodge 2380. Other trophies included:

Committee Choice Award – Carousel of Lights
Adult Walking 1st Place – Falmouth Military Support
Adult Walking Runner-Up – John Wesley United Methodist Church
Children’s Walking 1st Place – Falmouth Dance Academy
Children’s Walking Runner-Up – New England Ballet
Non-Profit Float 1st Place – Falmouth Elks
Non-Profit Float Runner-Up – Falmouth Commodores
Business Float 1st Place – Smithfield Farms
Business Float Runner-Up – Mahoney’s Garden Center
Children’s Float 1st Place – Girl Scouts of Eastern MA
Children’s Float Runner-Up – Upper Cape Spartans

Facebook: The Real Cape
Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

Do you have a cool photo that you think represents The Real Cape? From beautiful sunsets to drunken comedy, we want to see what you see. Use the photo upload form below to send it to us directly and we will include it in our weekly User Photo Gallery post. (Description and Author is Optional)

Submit a new post

Title

Post content or file description

Your Media Files

Facebook: The Real Cape
Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

He reads our site while he plays music, we listen to him on PIXY while we write blogs. It’s a match made in heaven. He also lists his favorite drink as Guinness. The Real Cape and MattyB are like peas and carrots… no homo.

MattyB is on the air today 12-7 p.m. and every weekday 2-7 p.m. That’s 102.9 on your dial or listen online here –  or you could always go harass him on Twitter.

Facebook: The Real Cape
Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony