Jesus Christ was that photo taken in Barnstable or Haiti? That thing looks like some Redneck got new rims and tires for his truck and decided to make his kids a playground out of the old ones. Golden Retrievers would be embarrassed to play in that shit hole. It does look like a nice place to plant an organic heroin needle garden though.

We were sent this along with a link to raise money for a new one. We normally don’t post donation pages just because of how many of them we get. If we posted them all they would be the only things on the site. That said, when I opened this link I laughed out loud for like five minutes. That is the saddest display of a playground these eyes have ever seen, I had to share it with you.

So everybody go donate some money before the rest of the world sees this abomination, and clean it up Barnstable, you’re making us all look bad with that Sullivan’s Tire dumpster disguised as a Big Toy.

Barnstable Community Horace Mann Charter Public School is a K-3 elementary school located in Hyannis on Cape Cod. Our current playground was built in 1989 making it 25 years old and is becoming unsafe for our students. Please help us to raise the funds needed to replace our playground. CLICK HERE for the gofundme page.

P.S. Maybe if Barnstable charged $31,000 a year like P-Town their kids wouldn’t have to play in an outdoor Opium Den.

CapeCodToday.com – Provincetown remains the Cape’s “most expensive school district” with a cost per pupil of $31,195. This figured dropped from $33,811 in FY2012 according to information released by the Massachusetts Department of Elementary and Secondary Education (DESE).

Truro earned second place with a per pupil cost of $23,438, up from $20,636.

The four independent elementary districts in the Nauset region cost taxpayers between $19,178 (Brewster) and $21,857 (Wellfleet) per student.

Holy shit. What on earth is P-Town doing up there? Do you know how many Massachusetts colleges cost less than Provincetown Elementary school per year? More than FIFTY.  For 31 thousand dollars each kid should have a masseuse and a hand maiden that feeds them the towns finest meats and cheeses all day. I’m pretty sure you can stay all inclusive at Hedonism for a full calendar year cheaper than P-Town Elementary.

I think we might have to start The Real Cape Elementary School to save everyone some money around here. You can bet your ass that every graduate will know that Cape Cod invented the banana and the brown paper bag. They will also leave with everyday skills like how to not do heroin and how to tell the difference between a native and a New Yorker. Our school will be the bargain of the century, for a mere five thousand bucks a year we’ll teach your kid everything they need to know about how to not be douchebag.

Last but not least we will make it our mission to instill a solid moral fiber in each and every student resulting in a belief system that will repel any and all indecency. With this moral compass you can rest assured that no alumni of The Real Cape Elementary School will ever, under any circumstances, set foot within the borders of Wareham. And that my friends is the most any parent on Cape Cod can hope for their child.

MVGazette.com – The Wampanoag Tribe of Gay Head (Aquinnah) will proceed with efforts to build a casino on the Island after a referendum to quash the plan failed by two votes.

The vote, held at a general membership meeting on Feb. 16, effectively confirmed a previous vote taken in May 2012, when tribal members moved to convert their 6,000-square-foot community center in Aquinnah into a Class II gaming facility.

A two-thirds majority was required to overturn the measure, and according to several reports the measure was two votes shy of reaching a majority.

This has gone back and forth a few times. Now that it looks like it is moving forward again we are going to mail it in and re post our original Casino on Martha’s Vineyard blog:

We’ve talked about what the Mashpee Wampanoag Casino will do to our townie wallets. I joked about how we will all be broke every Monday because there is nothing to do on The Cape in the off season. Well that was child’s play compared to this Casino that looks like it’s going to happen on The Vineyard (yes that is really a photo of the building).

Let me preface this by saying again that I am all for tribal casinos, the Wampanoag’s deserve every cent they make from these, but holy crap is a casino on the Vineyard an absolute game changer. Year round residents won’t be broke on Mondays, they will be for real broke, like Detroit broke.

Imagine being trapped on an island in February with a god damn casino? We think there is nothing to do on the peninsula in the winter, but the islands are an entirely different animal. Every time anyone has two or more beers they will bee line it straight to the tables. After this casino opens there will be three distinct classes of people left on Martha’s Vineyard:

1. Summer People
2. People Who Don’t Drink
3. Homeless People

That’s it, that’s the list. The day this thing opens the locals who drink alcohol might as well quit their jobs, hand their kids over to DSS, and then drive right over to the casino to drop off the deeds to their houses and the titles to their cars. Why delay the inevitable? Just get it all done as fast as possible, hit the roulette table and put what’s left on black.

P.S. I hope the Vineyard builds some shelters to harbor all the mainland Cape degenerates who get stranded there because they can’t afford the Ferry ride home. (By “degenerates” I mean me and Insane Tony.)

CapeCodOnline.com – A Hyannis man pleaded not guilty Monday in Barnstable District Court to an assault charge stemming from a botched shoplifting attempt at a liquor store Friday.

Jacob Williams, 25, was spotted Friday afternoon on a security camera at the Luke’s Super Liquor store on Barnstable Road putting two bottles of liquor in his jacket, according to a police report filed in court.

When store employees stopped him he gave them his identification but then ran out of the store, according to the report. One of the employees caught up with him and during the struggle Williams allegedly pulled a knife and escaped again, according to the report.

When the employee caught up with him again Williams again pulled out the knife, but another employee arrived on the scene and held him in a bear hug, according to the report.

Listen, I value a bottle of booze just as much as any degenerate on Cape Cod in February, but these two clerks have to know when to let it go. You are working in a store stocked with liquor, a couple of bottles just aren’t worth getting shanked over.

I understand that hero instincts kick in at first and you naturally want to chase someone who robs you, but as soon as the blade comes out it’s game over. If this is me I walk back to the store, open up a bottle of whiskey and start drinking heavily as a pre-emptive strike against post traumatic stress disorder.

I’m not saying the dude who put this guy in a bear hug isn’t a hero. I’m sure his boss is going to give him the good parking spot for at least a month for saving those two bottles of booze. What I am saying is that a few bottles of Mad Dog 20/20 just aren’t worth getting stabbed over. That parking spot isn’t going to help when you are lying in a hospital bed getting your face stitched up while a nurse injects you with the first round of Hep C antibiotics.

WickedLocal.com – This is your opportunity to be an unwilling but helpful cog in the wheel of epidemiological science.

If you’re bitten by a deer tick, the state of Massachusetts doesn’t want you – it wants that tick.

“We’re working out the details of how people will do this,” explained Larry Dapsis, the entomologist with Cape Cod Cooperative Extension. “We will have preaddressed mailers probably at town board of health offices. We’ll try to make it as easy as possible. Ideally people will submit ticks they find on themselves so they can know what they’ve been exposed to.”

This is the most disgusting thing I’ve heard in 3.2 years. I would literally rather get Anthrax or Ricin in the mail than a fucking deer tick. I don’t think these scientists fully understand the fear that is instilled from birth in the average Cape Codders psyche when it comes to deer ticks.

The only thing children on Cape Cod are taught to fear more than deer ticks is people from Wareham. The mere sight of these tiny creatures will have a child limping around for days, swearing they see the dreaded “target” around the bite and declaring which siblings get which toys upon their death.

When you find a deer tick on your body you immediately strip down naked, douse all of your clothing in gasoline, light the lot on fire and make sure the tick burns to death right in front of your eyes. Now scientist want us to casually throw it in an envelope, put it in the car, drive it to a mailbox and just leave the thing out in the general public? No fucking thanks.

We’ve got a system already and it works for us. I’m pretty sure these scientists are going to have a hard time convincing Cape Codders to add hours of exposure time to Lyme Disease to their daily routines. So thanks for the offer but I’ll probably just take up AIDS needle juggling instead.

P.S. “Keaton always said, “I don’t believe in God, but I’m afraid of him.” Well I believe in God, and the only thing that scares me is deer ticks.” – Verbal Kint

With an extra bonus look at Falmouth Lumber and some mystery pizzeria. What a bizarre world when this was considered entertainment…

If you have a photo that represents the Real Cape Cod please submit it below or use the link at the top of the page. From Old School to drunken comedy and everything in between, we want to see what you see. (Author is optional)