In this post about The Cape Cod Roller Derby a while back we wrote this…

This is a promise to our readers. Now that we know about this we will do everything in our power to get to a derby ASAP and write up a proper review. Until then keep up with these gals on their website or Facebook Page.

Well that day has come folks, and tonight we roll. Derby style. We are bringing the whole crew, some armed with skates and some armed with cameras. There is absolutely no telling what will happen, but we know this, there will be video proof. Insane Tony on roller skates? Insane Tony on roller skates.

Have a good weekend everyone, and speaking of video… Encore!

There will be no jokes in this post. We have been sent this story by quite a few people and immediately knew it had to be shared. Separating these three boys would be nothing short of tragic. Below is an excerpt of their story, but we highly suggest you click the link and read the entire thing. Sometimes it takes a village and sometimes it takes a peninsula. Cape Cod should rally around these folks and help them stay together as a family.

CLICK HERE to read the entire story and help out in any way you can…

When we first took emergency guardianship of these innocent boys, we pulled them out of a domestically violent and drug abused home. This was not a home for them, it was a scary place that they never wanted to go back to, screaming and crying before ever having to enter. They will never have to face that again. Escorted by police and with custody papers in my hand and my dad by my side with papers in his hands, we rescued those boys from that sad story. At that time they stayed in my parent’s home, as my fiancé, Byron, and I lived in a 500 square foot studio apartment. We all loved, cared and comforted them, and at the end of the night they had a warm bed waiting for them with their loving Nana and Papa.

After a year and a half of all of us taking care of these amazingly resilient kids, and their mother completing the programs she had to complete and having a year of sobriety, we released our guardianship back to her on September 19th 2013, in faith that she was ready to be a mother to them. Through the program she’d completed, the state provided her with a transitional home, where her three boys were able to reside with her.

Faith is a beautiful thing to have, but unfortunately after only a few months back with her children, she turned back toward drug abuse. On January 15th I received a call from the Department of Children and Families, prompting us to travel over the cape cod bridge immediately, to rescue the boys. So we got in the car, we picked them up and we brought them back to our small town, to our tiny 500 square foot studio apartment where our two cats awaited our return.

DCF told me that I had to file for Guardianship of the three boys again, or the state will take them, ship them off to foster homes and assured me that they would unfortunately have to separate all three of them because it is so hard to find a foster home for one child, let alone three. So as of January 17th, we are their Guardians once again, and forever. We will not let them be taken by the state to be separated from each other and from the only stable people in their lives who have never left them.

CLICK HERE to read the rest and help any way you can.

Share this story with as many people as you can.

CapeCodOnline.com – Last fall’s bonfire on Bass River Beach — a brand-new addition to the town’s popular Seaside Festival on Columbus Day weekend — left behind something more than the hoped-for pleasant memories.

“We saw the ash ring from the bonfire, and in it were hundreds of 4- to 6-inch rusty nails,” said Andrea Sandler, a Connecticut resident who owns a seasonal home in West Yarmouth. “We called the Police Department about it.”

Several departments and volunteers involved in planning the bonfire had decided pallets would be the cleanest wood to burn — with no chemicals or old paint to pollute the pristine stretch of coastline. Nobody thought of all the nails that held those pallets together.

“We had the DPW, fire, police and health director at the planning meeting,” said Patricia Armstrong, director of the town’s Parks and Recreation Department. “We thought we had really done our due diligence on this.”

“I can’t believe with all the people that discussed it, we didn’t think of the nails,” Armstrong said.

Love the straight honesty from Patricia Armstrong here. She just says hey, we didn’t think about the nails, we should have but didn’t. Our bad. It’s refreshing to hear that kind of candor from a town official for a change.

Of course the Fun Police are probably already assembling to discuss how they can use this to stop the bonfire next year. They are probably picking a patsy to inject with tetanus as we speak so they can parade him around town meeting twitching like a crackhead.

The sad part is that they will probably win and there most likely won’t be a bonfire next year. But what’s even sadder than that is this lady who found the nails and called the cops. Wouldn’t the DPW be a better call to make in that situation? What are the police going to do about rusty nails on a beach? I’d love to hear the conversation the responding officers had with each other after that call. Yeah sure lady, let us just take off all of our bullet proof armor, radios and gun belts so we can roll up our pants and get to work removing those nails with our specialized police nail removal tools.

There’s two distinct types of people in this world. There’s the ones that see rusty nails on the beach and call the cops and then there’s the ones that actually understand how the world works.

CapeCodOnline.com – Nearly 18 months after neighbors complained about his nudity and behavior around children, a North Falmouth man pleaded guilty this week to charges of indecent exposure and open and gross lewdness.

John W. Martin Jr., of North Falmouth, was sentenced to two years of probation Tuesday and ordered to stay away from the victims, including a Millstone Street resident who saw the 50-year-old man pull down his pants, police said. He will be required to report to probation every week and will undergo supervised evaluation and counseling as needed, according to court records.

In September 2012, police received several complaints about Martin from residents near the Shining Sea Bike Path.

One woman told police Martin chased her son and his friend down the trail after following them with a flashlight. Another woman said her three granddaughters and a neighbor rushed inside after Martin came onto the front lawn and began waving and smiling at them.

About a month earlier, Martin pulled down his pants just as a man was running past him on the trail, police said.

When an officer arrived at Martin’s Althea Road house, he was seen running from a bedroom covered “head to toe in what appeared to be shaving cream,” police said. Martin answered the door in a towel and denied the accusations.

He was later summonsed to Falmouth District Court, and this was the case disposed of this week.

Police were familiar with Martin from a November 2011 incident in which he was found walking naked in the area of Thomas B. Landers Road. Martin admitted there was sufficient evidence to convict him on an indecent exposure charge, and the case was continued without a finding until June 2012.

A disorderly conduct charge was dropped, according to court records.

In March 2012, an Althea Road neighbor told police that Martin pulled down his pants and exposed his backside in the middle of the street. The neighbor declined to pursue a complaint against Martin, police said.

What. The. Fuck.

I’m not even sure what to say about this one, this guys “gross lewdness” knows absolutely no barriers. Boy, girl, young, old, this dude will drop trow for anyone, anywhere, anytime. All you people in North Falmouth better be on alert, you just never know when you could inadvertently get an eyeball full of John Martin’s junk.

So this guy has been waving his willy all over town since 2011 and when the police go to confront him he’s running from room to room naked and covered in shaving cream? Probation seems a little lenient in this case no? I’m no criminal justice expert but I’m pretty sure John Martin might not be fit for society. When someone can’t even walk down the Shining Sea Bike Path without doing the pants off, dance off every time someone jogs by, it might be a good idea to remove them from the general public.

You almost have to respect his chutzpah though, the guy knows he’s a menace and doesn’t even try to deny it. Dude didn’t even fight the charges, he was just like “Indecent exposure? Gross lewdness? Oh yeah definitely. You got me there. Guilty as charged.”

CapeCodOnline.com – A man was arraigned Tuesday in Barnstable District Court on a charge of assault and battery after he allegedly choked a woman who scratched his car door with hers in a West Yarmouth parking lot.

When police arrived on the scene, Christopher Dean, 43, of South Yarmouth, told them he had been sitting in his red 2000 Ford Explorer when the driver of the car parked next to his had scraped his car while opening her door, according to the report.

Dean told police he confronted the driver, a 63-year-old woman from Quincy, about the damage to his car, and she allegedly “got in his face and spit in his face,” according to the report.

Dean told police he had pushed the woman to defend himself and admitted to putting his hands on her neck, according to the report.

Three witnesses — a customer and two employees of the store — told police they had seen Dean put his hands on the woman’s throat, according to the report.

Police determined Dean was the “dominant aggressor” in the confrontation, according to the report.

This guy obviously doesn’t have an up to date version of the Wayne Brady car scratch/choke a bitch flow chart. You can’t be choking a 63 year old lady over a scratch on a 2000 Ford Explorer. It just doesn’t add up. There was obviously some other factors at play here. Let’s go to the chart to see what we can find out…

I think it’s safe to say that there were some details left out of these two’s testimonial. I’m not one to speculate but when you have a scientific flow chart as rock solid as this you’d be dumb not use it.

P.S. I know what you are asking and yes, I am available for hire as an MS Paint graphic designer.

CapeCodOnline.com – Brewster Deputy Call Fire Chief William Harrison resigned early this month after police opened an investigation into his alleged violations of town policies, including use of his work computer to look up escort services.

Harrison, 58, resigned on Feb. 5 after admitting to some of the allegations, according to a summary of the police investigation written by Brewster Police Chief Richard Koch.

Anonymous sources called the police a few months ago to allege that Harrison had taken gasoline from the town pumps for his personal vehicle and used the fire vehicle for personal business, such as driving his children to school, the summary stated.

Informants also told police he used the computer in his office, while on duty, to view escort services online.

Am I missing something here? What crime did this guy commit? This has small town political witch hunt written all over it. Everybody with a town/company car uses it for personal use at some point, how can you not? It’s not like he was using it to run drugs for a Mexican cartel, he dropped his kids off at school for fucks sake.

Oh right he used the computer in his office to look at scantily clad women on the internet. News flash, if we start making guys resign for that then get ready for a male unemployment rate of 100%. Besides, maybe William was looking to hire an escort service to start taking his kids to school for him so he wouldn’t have to use the town vehicle anymore, did anyone think of that?

Hey Billy Harrison if you need a job hit us up, we just happen to be looking for a new director of escort service research and development. You know what they say, if you can get paid to do what you love it’s not really work.