CapeCodOnline.com – The Nuclear Regulatory Commission announced Wednesday it had denied a post-Fukushima petition to expand the emergency planning zones around the country’s nuclear power plants, saying the current zones are sufficient.

“The NRC has failed the American people,” said Michael Mariotte, president of Nuclear Information Resource Service, in a written statement. “Rather than learn from Fukushima and act appropriately to protect the public, the agency has chosen to protect the nuclear power industry yet again.”

The petition asked the NRC to expand the current 10-mile-radius emergency planning zone to 25 miles; to create a new, 50-mile “emergency response zone”; and to expand the “ingestion pathway zone” — where drinking water and food could become contaminated — from 50 to 100 miles.

Cape Cod currently falls into the ingestion pathway zone of the Pilgrim Nuclear Power Station but the region would have shifted into the “emergency response zone” had the petition prevailed.

The shift would have addressed the longtime complaint from Cape legislators and activists that there’s “no escape from the Cape.” As part of the petition’s provisions, nuclear plant owners would have been required to identify evacuation routes for all residents in the emergency response zone and annually provide information about the routes.

“It’s more of the same,” said state Sen. Daniel Wolf, D-Harwich, of the petition’s denial. “I don’t know what we have to do to have our government regulators be more responsive to concerns from our region.”

Welp, that’s that. The NRC officially hates you, me, and Cape Cod. Although I have no idea how this expansion would actually help us if Pilgrim had a meltdown anyway. Last I checked there are two, count them, two roads off of Cape Cod. The only possible way to evacuate would be to fill in the canal and build a fifty lane highway.

Could you imagine every single person on Cape Cod trying to get off the peninsula at once? The bridges would just plain fail to handle the volume and it would be gridlock from Canal to P-Town. Imagine the level of road rage when there is a nuclear cloud on the way? I’ve never experienced it first hand but I would imagine that facing an imminent danger of your family’s faces melting off would make you a bit edgy.

If it happened in the summer people would start stealing boats, jumping on strangers boats etc. and it would turn into a scene from Mad Max or Red Dawn. If it happened in winter we’d have absolute mayhem at the boat ramps from people trying to get their boats in. Boat ramps in August are already high stress places where people get pissy, imagine if in the middle of the winter every boat owner on Cape Cod had to get their boat launched at the same exact time or they would grow a hand out the top of their head? There would be shotguns involved.

What I’m saying is that while this was a bad decision by the NRC in the long run it doesn’t matter one bit. If Pilgrim Nuclear melts down we are all fucked. It makes no difference if we are in an “ingestion pathway zone” or an “emergency response zone”. You could call it a “happy clean live forever zone” and it wouldn’t change the fact that we are all going to die.

My advice if there is a disaster? Head straight to the liquor store, grab your wife/boyfriend/vibrator or whatever you have, get hammered and go out with a bang.

P.S. I’m actually all for Nuclear Energy, but when you have two routes of escape for hundreds of thousands and possibly millions of people and your friendly local nuclear plant is consistently ranked among the countries worst as far as safety? Yeah that can get a little disconcerting.

So tomorrow night at 7 p.m. at The Beach House in North Falmouth history will be made. The Real Cape crew is assembling to learn how to paint at Paint Nite. It is a Hawaiian themed night so imagine something like this, but with a rag tag group of lunatics…

Paint Nite – Drink Creatively!

Looking for something novel to do with friends to create new memories and share a few laughs over a cocktail or two at your local bistro?

Paint Nite is the perfect cocktail of friends, wine and art that make for a unforgettable evening.

Our professional artist will guide you, step-by-step, from a blank canvas to a final unique masterpiece in about two hours, all the while sipping a cocktail or two.

No matter whether you bring your friends or come by yourself, you can bet that you will meet plenty of other fun-seeking people from all over the city!

We will have Ginger Glitter, Ham Sandwich, Arthur Bonzarelli, Hippie and Insane Tony on the scene with the illustrious film crew of S.C. Atkinson and Beninghof documenting the debauchery. There are still spots open for the class so if you think you can handle this good of a time you should either sign up early HERE or just show up.

Warning: Only come to this event if you enjoy extreme amounts of fun, beer and don’t mind if your face hurts all day tomorrow from laughing so hard. See you there!

Wicked Local – National champions.

Those words have a special ring to them and they now apply to the Cape Cod Storm U19 team after winning six games in five days in the Toyota-USA Hockey Tier II Girls National Championships in Amherst, N.Y.

“For me it is a great sigh of relief to have won this,” said head coach Scott Ghelfi. “We won our states Dec. 1st and I have been thinking, planning and dreaming of this moment since then. I felt all winter as I watched these girls play for their respective high schools that they have all gotten so good and are all playing at the tops of their games … that we have a shot at this.”

The Storm had more than a shot at it. They were ranked No. 1 in the country from November, and proved it was on the money, outscoring six opponents 29-4.

Editor’s note: In our never ending quest to be the best website on Cape Cod we now have a sports writer on board. If you have any tips on local sports stories that need to be told be sure to send us an email and let us know. Now without further ado here is the first post from our sports guy Drank Moody:

This just goes to show you how dominant Cape Cod hockey is. The Storm outscored their opponents 29-4 in the championship series. I don’t even know what to say about that, imagine if the Bruins outscored an opponent in the Stanley Cup 29-4 – it would be NHL history.

I’m confused about a couple of things here- first being, was the offense just so dominant that opposing teams could rarely get scoring opportunities or good looks at shots? Or is their goalie Maggie Scavatto just some sort of brick-wall demigod?

Secondly, are the storm just some sort of typical Massachusetts hockey powerhouse, absolutely manhandling every team from an abandoned area of a wannabe “hockey-state” or were these teams just incapable of playing hockey? They beat Alaska 5-1. What else do kids in Alaska have to do besides play hockey or learn how to ice fish?

The box scores from the championship series tell the story of this year’s Bruins team playing against the original Mighty Ducks team over and over. I’m talking the Ducks way before Charlie Conway triple-dekes, like just after Gordon Bombay’s DUI. I’m actually convinced they kept the championship close for cinematic reasons.

Either way this is a huge accomplishment and congrats to coach Scott Ghelfi and  the girls of the Storm on their beyond impressive run.

Craigslist.org – Need 420

 

Looking for a reliable hook up. I’m in falmouth and would meet you anywhere within reason. (Wareham to Hyannis)

Let me know

Wait a minute, does this work? Do people actually find weed on Craigslist? If so then this is the absolute proof that legalization works. Think about it, Craigslist is the sketchiest way on earth to buy something and drugs are the sketchiest thing on earth to buy. If people feel safe enough to combine the weed and the Craigslist then the world we live in is a safer place.

P.S. Who can’t find weed on Cape Cod in 2014? I tripped over an eighth walking through a parking lot the other day. Look around you man, everyone has weed.

Spring is now here, and that means windows down and music cranked. For those lucky Cape residents living a luxury lifestyle as my self, there’s a good chance your car radio is fucked up. For everyone it’s a different problem with the radio, the problem in my luxury 1996 SUV is that it is stuck on Cool 102 all the time. I happen to love cool classics so this isn’t necessarily a bad thing for me.

So after listening to Cool 102 every day I decided to look at the Top 5 songs that get cranked when they come on. I am talking about the songs that get me in the zone so hard that I swear I’m inside the video shoot.

5. Tiny Dancer-Every time this song comes on I feel like I am on the Stillwater tour bus.

4.Glory Days-I mean if this song doesn’t get you jammin in your car you need to check your pulse.

3. Light My Fire- For years I thought I was Jim Morrison. Those where some blurry years to say the least.

2.Another Brick In The Wall- This one takes me back to the good old experimental days and watching “The Wall” over and over and over.

1.Sweet Home Alabama- If a song tells you too turn it up at the begging, you better listen and crank that shit.

I know there’s a million other songs out there that need to get turned up, but now you know where I am coming from.

Barnstable-Patch – The upcoming Whitey Bulger biopic Black Mass, starring Johnny Depp, is holding an open casting call for extras in Boston this weekend.

According to this flyer from C.P. Casting, the ‘Black Mass’ casting call will take place Saturday, April 12 and Sunday, April 13 from 1 to 6 p.m. at the Boston Teacher’s Union, Carson Place, 180 Mt. Vernon St., Dorchester.

The film will shoot in Boston May 19 through Aug. 1 and the casting call organizers are looking for “men, women and children of all ethnicities – Italian wise guys, Irish tough guys, politicians and people with cars from the 70s and 80s.”

Interested residents are encouraged to bring a recent photo of yourself along. Download a size card at www.CPCasting.com.

Some readers of The Real Cape are destined for this movie. Half of the year round residents look like mobsters and tough guys this time of year. If these people were smart they would go through the list of Cape dive bars and just pluck a few miscreants from each one.

So hold off on cleaning yourself up for summer and show up to this casting call looking like you just endured one of the worst winters in Cape Cod history and I guarantee one of you will land a role in this movie.