CapeNews.net – Prior to starting the Boston-based printing company Mammoth Media, which was recently sold to Colorado’s Circle Graphics, Kenneth Rowell III, his brother Mark J. Rowell, and Kevin Morash were teammates on the Salem State University lacrosse team. For the past year and a half, the three have been channeling their love of the sport while planning their latest business venture, a lacrosse store in Mashpee Commons.

Located beside Starbucks on North Street, Legit Lax will be the first retail store on Cape Cod to offer only lacrosse merchandise, Kenneth Rowell said. Currently, the closest lacrosse store to Cape Cod is Commonwealth Lacrosse in Kingston.

While this may be great news for Cape lax bros, this article forgets to mention the backbone of lax bro culture. The real beneficiaries of this store will be the Lacrosstitutes. Lax bros are always forgetting things and this may be the “in” that these ladies have been waiting for. Now they can keep a stockpile of all the latest pinnies and mid calf tubes in the trunks of their cars for such occasions.

Listen up Lacrosstitutes, this is your chance. I’m telling you, the way to a bros heart is through fresh shwag. Come through for him a few times and the next thing you know he gives you a toke off his oney, offers you one of his Busch Lights, you run your fingers through his lettuce, and the two of you chill happily ever after not sweating the details together.

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WHDH – A State Police bomb squad was on the scene in Yarmouth on Saturday for reports of a suspicious duffel bag.  

The suspicious object was found outside the West Yarmouth Cumberland Farms gas station on Route 28 at around 2:45 p.m. 

Crews used a motorized robot to examine the bag. 

What a world we live in. Someone forgets their bag next to a Red Box at Cumbies and the next thing you know the bomb squad is on the scene with remote control robots and shit. Terrorists must love to see stories like this, it must make them so happy to know that they are so deep in our heads that an unattended bag of dirty skivvies elicits such an over the top tactical response. These terrorist sons of bitches have us so scared that a laundry bag full of explosives at a convenience store on Cape Cod is actually fucking plausible to us.

On the plus side though, it is nice to see Number 5 from Short Circuit doing well in a new career…

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CapeCod.com – Nantucket police are asking for the public’s help in identifying the driver of red GMC pickup truck involved in a hit and run Friday. The incident occurred just after 7 PM on Sparks Avenue near Williams Lane.

Police say a pedestrian was struck and suffered minor injuries.

Anybody with information is asked to contact Nantucket police.

Well this should take what? 7 minutes? We are talking about winter time on Nantucket here, every single person on the island read the paper this morning and simultaneously said; “Red GMC? Oh that must Rick from over on Agunquahinnaquamatuckatuckaquid Road.”

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Arthur Bonzarelli here to tell you about another HUGE Sunday Funday event at The Beach House.

The SmacDown Mac and Cheese contest is today starting at noon. Amateurs and professionals alike will battle to claim the title of THE BIG CHEESE. No Patriots Game so what else are you going to do, rake friggin’ leaves? C’mon man.

Tons of raffle and silent auction items and all proceeds go to the Micheal Fernandes Bone Marrow Research Foundation. It’s a family friendly event so come on, come all.

The Real Cape crew is entered and rumor has it Hippie and Insane Tony made some mac and cheese that is so good it will make you lactate… seriously, bring an extra shirt.

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CapeCodOnline.com – Sean Driscoll – Three Falmouth Police officers are no longer on the job after an internal investigation showed they were guilty of professional misconduct during an incident when confiscated fireworks were shot off behind a convenience store on Independence Day weekend.

Sgt. Scott Hartzler and patrolmen Kurt Baumann and Eric Kraus all left the department in October, said Police Chief Edward Dunne. A fourth officer who was part of the same internal probe, patrolman Joshua Oliver, is still employed by the department.

Dunne would not say if Hartzler, Baumann and Kraus resigned or were terminated as a result of the internal affairs investigation, the results of which were released to the Times on Wednesday following an open records request. The four had been on paid leave since July.

According to the report, the four officers were on duty July 6 for the town’s Fourth of July fireworks celebration in Falmouth Heights, which had been postponed for two days due to inclement weather. That evening, Officer Mark Mancini confiscated a silver box of fireworks. He took the box back to the Falmouth Police Department.

Instead of immediately placing it into evidence, Mancini left the box in the department’s garage at about 11 p.m. and went back on patrol with the intent of photographing and cataloguing the evidence later, the report states.

At around 1 a.m. July 7, Hartzler, Baumann, Kraus and Oliver, along with a civilian, ended up behind the 7-Eleven at 743 Main St., which is across the street from the Falmouth Police Department, the report states. Some of the men drank a few beers, and eventually Oliver lit the fuse on the firework box to shoot it off, the report states.

This is crap. We’ve got much bigger things to be worrying about than a few police officers setting off some fireworks. I’m not saying don’t discipline them, but firing them, or making them resign, or whatever happened here is bullshit. I guarantee that this exact thing has happened 8 million times in police departments all over the country with no repercussions.

Fireworks are one of those illegal, yet tolerated situations. Regular people don’t even get arrested for fireworks they just take them away, why should a few cops lose their jobs over them? It’s hard enough to find people who want to protect and serve these days. Suspend them for a while or something, but getting rid of them just hurts the entire community.

I don’t want to live in a world where a few off duty police officers can’t have a few beers and set off some fireworks without losing their jobs, I just don’t.

P.S. Then again, what do I know, I’m just one of those weirdos that doesn’t like level 3 sex offenders.

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CapeCod.com – A non-binding question concerning legalizing marijuana that was on ballots in town in the Lower and Outer Cape passed overwhelmingly.

The non-binding question to legalize marijuana appeared on ballots in Barnstable’s Fourth District, which is represented by State Representative Sarah Peake (D-Provincetown). Voters in the towns of Harwich, Chatham, Brewster, Orleans, Eastham, Wellfleet, Truro and Provincetown passed the measure by a vote of 14,052 in favor and 5,204 opposed.

I see you Cape Cod! You dirty hippie stoners! You’re high right now aren’t you?

Seriously though, these numbers are ridiculous. Nothing passes by that much of a majority. Ever.

This means it looks like full legalization will be on the ballot next time around. In 2016 you will be able to buy weed at stores just like alcohol. Crazy times.

Cue the music…

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Vineyard Gazette – Leonard Jason Jr. seems destined to serve on Island boards. This week, the longtime building inspector for both Edgartown and Chilmark was re-elected to another two-year term on the Dukes County Commission, despite his intention to step down after 20 years. It was the second county election in a row in which Mr. Jason was elected without running.

On election day Tuesday there were seven declared candidates for seven seats on the county commission, including three declared write-ins. Even though Mr. Jason had said he wasn’t running, he received 252 write-in votes (minus Oak Bluffs, where results were unavailable at press time). It was the second highest number among the write-ins.

In an interview with the Gazette this week, Mr. Jason said he would accept the will of the voters and serve.

Holy shit, this guy must feel like he’s the Vineyard’s version of Bill Murray in Groundhog day. Every single election day he takes a walk, catches some kid falling out of a tree, changes some old ladies flat tire, and then realizes he’s been elected to the Punxsutawney County Commission even though he wasn’t even running… AGAIN.

Seriously though Martha’s Vineyard, cut the guy some slack will ya? How would you feel if you tried to retire after a long career and everyone in town took turns showing up at your house and dragging you to work every morning like it never happened? The dude just wants to start wearing socks with sandals and eating dinner at 3 p.m. Is that really too much to ask?

Lenny Jason really does sound like he couldn’t be a nicer guy though. He said he would “accept the will of the voters and serve”? Shit, if that was me the only accepting or serving going on would be me accepting the drinks the bartender serves me with umbrellas in them at some tiki bar in the Bahamas. All the voters would be getting out of my ass is a postcard that says “Thanks for the votes everyone, but it seems as though you might not have received the memo… LEAVE ME ALONE, I’M F#%*ING RETIRED!”

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