Have we ever steered you wrong? Then don’t be an idiot and make sure you catch the Belles at least once in the next three days. Unless of course you want to be that person at all the Christmas parties that has no idea what everyone else is talking about. The three night run starts tonight!

Here is the link to BUY TICKETS online. Hurry up, they will sell out.

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Capecodtoday.com – NORTH TRURO – A North Truro woman faces OUI charges following her arrest on Route 6 last night. According to a Truro police release, the department received a call about a motorist who was headed to Truro after refusing to stop following a crash in Provincetown.

Around 9 p.m., Officer Valli and Officer Robicheau responded, finding the heavily damaged car traveling south in the northbound lane of Route 6. Roads were slick at the time due to recent snow activity, police said.

Look, we need to use words like “allegedly” because this woman hasn’t been convicted of anything in court yet, but you’ve got to be pretty messed up on something to drive the wrong way on rte. 6 in Truro. If you want to travel north or south in Truro there is literally ONE ROAD to do it on. This move is akin to walking up the down escalator. You can be totally incapacitated and you still have a 50/50 chance of traveling south in Truro on the correct road.

Also what on earth is the point of “refusing to stop” following a crash in P-Town? Where the fuck are you going? In case we haven’t mentioned it there is ONE ROAD to get away. I guess that’s why she tried to get sneaky and outsmart everybody by using the northbound lane to travel south. Good try, good effort. Maybe next time you’ll luck out and the cop in Truro will have called in sick that day.

 

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Daffy is missing. He is large friendly black duck. Large black ducks are not native so please contact me if you see one.

Question, are “missing” and “lost” the appropriate words here? I’m pretty sure Daffy isn’t missing or lost, Daffy flew away bro. Ducks don’t get lost, they have built in GPS and know where to eat, nest, get warm etc.

I think I figured out what is going on here when you said “large black ducks are not native”. This could be a Blind Side situation and some Cape Cod family adopted Daffy just to develop his football skills and get him to go to their alma mater.

Daffy isn’t missing, he probably just found out his adopted family wants him to go to Ole Miss, got pissed and left.

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What the hell did we just watch? Was this video seriously made by “Expert Village”? Because that looked more like a village idiot. Do me a favor Texas boy, next time you are on The Cape ask your local bartender for “A Cape Cod” and let us know how that works out for you.

1.5 ounces of vodka? Half vodka and half Cranberry in a Pint Glass or you’re drinking a vodka and cranberry, not a Cape Codder.

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Today I’m picking my top 5 Cape Cod songs. This was much harder than I expected, because there’s 685 million songs about our man made island. I had to exclude using any artist from here for this post, because every single one of them has written a song about growing up here. The best Cape Cod song by a local artist debate is a post for another time. So with out further or due… Drum roll please.

5. Cape Cod Cranberry Bog Working Song – By Little Bay Stampin’- I mean what says Cape Cod more than picking cranberries? All I know this guy better make sure my grandfather doesn’t see this video. Gramps and his old school Portagees would hunt this guy down and beat the bag out of him with their hand made canes for taking work from them. But I cant believe this song isn’t a huge hit yet with the deep lyrics and great melody. Remember you heard it here first when the radio stations are playing it every 45 minutes.

4. Old Cape Cod– by Patti Page – I know this isn’t what a lot of “us” like to have our beloved Cape Cod painted as , but it really captures the LOVE people have for this place. Patti can really sing though, what a beautiful song. Alright I’m not good at getting all sappy and shit. But overall a great song in my book.

3. Escape (Pina Colada Song) – Rupert Holmes – Call me a sell out if you want but this is my top 5, and ol’ Rupert has always had a special spot in my heart with this jam. Drinking, sex in the sand (watch out for the screaming seagull), and more drinking. It’s a hit with me.

2. Cape Cod Girls – Anonymous – If this old sea shanty doesn’t get you foot stomping and give you goose bumps you better check your heart beat. Not to mention it makes me want to grab a turkey leg and a pint and go get my pirate on. There have been hundreds of versions of this song done through the years all capturing the spirit of how the good old days were. Drinking and combing you hair with cod fish bones.

1. Bourne Bridge Parody – Tom Doyle – Not much to say here. Tom should have a statue built of him at both or all three bridges. Tom is a national treasure. The undisputed king of Cape Cod songs.

So there you have it. Let the debate begin.

*Editors Note: The debate Tony? There is no debate because this is the most Insane list any human has ever come up with for anything. Tony asked if I wanted to add my top five to this post. Ummm… no, I think I’ll just let this one stand on it’s own, thanks though Tony.

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Capecodtoday.com – EAST WAREHAM – A USPS delivery containing what looked like Christmas gifts contained a lot more, according to a Wareham police release. Last Thursday, the United States Police Office delivered a package to the home at 96 Plymouth Ave. in East Wareham.

When a resident of the home, 23-year-old Zachary Driscoll, took delivery of the package, police executed a search warrant, arresting Driscoll and seizing the package.

Inside the package, police found 25 individual plastic bags containing a combined 8 to 10 pounds of marijuana.

Police estimate the street value of the marijuana at $18,000 to $20,000.

Only Wareham criminals are dumber than Cape criminals. Wrapping the weed you are sending through the U.S. Mail to look like Christmas presents is going to get you caught 94% of the time. Everyone knows that a Christmas present is typically 68% more valuable than a regular package. Since 37% of mail carriers open 28% of the more valuable packages 42% of the time, Zachary Driscoll had a 100% chance of getting caught. That’s not opinion, that’s mathematics.

P.S. 10 pounds of weed valued at $20k is why Wareham is Wareham. They are the only people in the United States still smoking Mexican brick weed with branches in it and shit. Homeboy was probably gonna break all ten pounds down to dime bags that actually cost $10 because nobody told him it’s not 1983 anymore.

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Capecodtoday.com – On this day in 2003, the Barnstable Town Council approved sculptor David Lewis’ revised design for a statue of John F. Kennedy to be placed in front of the JFK Museum.

The original design of Kennedy and his son, John F. Kennedy Jr., as grown men set off an uproar that extended well beyond the Cape. Critics argued such a scenario never occurred, since the younger Kennedy was 3-years-old when his father died in 1963.

Of course the original idea of JFK Jr. and JFK as grown men side by side was rejected. There is no possible way the world could handle that much swagger at once. Humans probably wouldn’t even be able to look directly at such an exhibit or they would go blind like it was an eclipse.

Just looking at JFK by himself in that photo put me at half mast. Throw Jr. into the mix and I’d be helpless. I can’t imagine what would happen to women in the presence of both JFK’s in their prime. I’m guessing any female that came within an eight mile radius of the JFK library would become pregnant instantly. They would have to install troughs full of morning after pills on the streets of Hyannis to keep the population under control.

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