Our next reflection is really just an excuse to post that fantastic photo above taken by MinFin Photography, I mean it’s fucking glorious right? But there’s also this video by John that’s pretty cool as well. If you haven’t made plans yet he’s playing in Boston tonight with some other great local musicians at Bar Louie.
New Year’s is a time for reflection. Looking back. So we are going to dedicate this post to someone many people on Cape Cod love and haven’t seen in a long time. Phineas Heywood. If anyone out there has any classic P-Dub stuff and wants to get it to us we will post it for everyone to hear.
This one is a song by him and Luke Vose of Crooked Coast fame. This one is about going to your own funeral.
It’s motherfuckin’ New Year’s Eve! It’s a sacred celebration of just another day that marks a relatively arbitrary occasion based on two minuscule rocks that are completely irrelevant on the grand scale of universal existence… let’s get drunk!
What better reason could there be to put on high heels, drink flavored vodka and get so fucked up that creepy guy Johnson doesn’t even need to waste a roofie? I mean the earth made it around the sun again am I right!? AM I RIGHT!?
So here’s a poem about this great night that is dedicated to all the posers coming out and making the line at the bar longer than normal. If you really want to you can send it in as a Pulitzer nomination but I didn’t write it with awards in mind. It does rhyme though, which is fucking awesome.
Twas the night of new years eve and all through the state,
the amateurs are ready to come out of the gates,
the girls are all dressed up and they’re ready to booze,
their morals and dignity they’re about to lose,
but somewhere there’s veterans that know it ain’t great,
Because to them it’s just a Tuesday, out on The Cape.
So good luck to you people who don’t party all year,
and high fives to the rest, who don’t really care,
Yes for some it’s their debut, out in the fray,
but for most on The Cape, it’s just another day,
Except with more assholes to get in our way.
So think about this, while you’re out on the town,
We do this every day, while your not around.
Please think of the rest of us, while you act all gay
Because to us, this is just, a regular day,
So get all wobbly, all bobbly and weave,
We truly can’t wait until you finally leave
So the rest of us can relax and celebrate New Year’s Eve.
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CCT – HYANNIS – The elderly driver of a sedan was injured Saturday after crashing through the empty location next to the T-Mobile store in Hyannis. The car crashed through the large plate glass window of the unoccupied store in the Cape Town Plaza on Iyannough Road narrowly missing the occupied T-Mobile store next door.
You have to think that this old hag was aiming for the T-Mobile store right? She was frustrated. When’s the last time you talked to someone who was on a T-Mobile phone? It’s like talking to Charlie Browns teacher through a McDonald’s drive thru speaker. The only thing worse than T-Mobile is Boost Mobile. And that must get really frustrating because I’m pretty sure 98% of Boost customers are drug dealers right?
I’m sure there’s nothing worse than dropping a call in the middle of a crack deal. People would be losing their minds. Crack heads hanging off telephone poles waving coat hangers and shit trying to get service. Skinny bitches incubating crack eggs in birds nests at the top of Oak trees with their heads bobbing on their flip phones trying to score some more rock. Anything for service.
Here’s where I straight up school everyone with the best idea to curb drug use in the history of ideas. No hyperbole, just the best idea about anything ever since anything was invented… ever. Here it is. Forget about all this war on drugs crap and let’s make it simple, We can immediately cut out half the drug use on Cape Cod just by knocking over the Boost Mobile Cell Tower. Can you hear me now crack dealer?
No, no I can’t. No crack for you.
P.S. Any law enforcement agencies that would like to hire me can email me. I know this kind of genius thinking is in high demand.
Facebook: The Real Cape
I need more information on this. Who is the owner of this enterprise? What town is this company based out of? Since this is “Fontana VII” does that mean there are at least SIX other vehicles in this fleet?
Either way, you have to applaud this person. Maybe they have issues, maybe they aren’t conforming to society as some would like, but at least whoever owns this operation is doing what they can to make due. We have perfectly healthy people begging in the streets and contributing nothing to society, so as far as I am concerned the owner/operator of “Can Man Recycling” can eat at my table any day.
P.S. Nice Genny Ice reference by the person who uploaded this photo, made my day.
If you have a photo that represents the Real Cape Cod please submit it below or use the link at the top of the page. From beautiful sunsets to drunken comedy and everything in between, we want to see what you see. (Author is optional)
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capecodonline.com – Joint Base Cape Cod was selected by the Federal Aviation Administration as one of six test sites across the country to integrate drones into the nation’s airspace for commercial use, Michael Huerta, the agency’s top administrator said today in a conference call with reporters.
The highly anticipated decision could mean upwards of 1,000 new jobs in Massachusetts, many of them here on Cape Cod, and an annual economic impact of $385 million, officials told the Times earlier this month.
First things first. Otis is now called Joint Base Cape Cod? I didn’t get the memo on this and frankly I’m not too sure I’m on board with the name change. It sounds like one of Delahunt’s proposed marijuana dispensaries to me. Anyway, that’s not really the point, let’s get to the real meat of this story.
I don’t give a shit what “commercial use” they say these drones are for, I am calling for a preemptive strike. This is for all you hunters out there. When you see a drone flying above The Cape, shoot it. Shoot it dead and bury it in concrete. Drones are for use in dangerous airspace over Pakistan, not fighting sea gulls for airspace over the dunes of The Cape. We’ve all seen the Terminator series so why would we even go there.
Humans have a nice comfortable spot at the top of the food chain. I enjoy walking down the street without fear of being mauled to death by a predator don’t you? Why on earth would we build things that can potentially remove us from the top spot? You know why we don’t live in the ocean? Or the Serengeti? Because it lessens our chances of instant unsolicited death. But now we want to add the possibility of autonomous death lasers shooting out of the sky while we are food shopping and banking and shit? No thanks, I’ll stick to the occasional black ice as my most feared mortal enemy.
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capecodtoday.com – The Committee to Elect Randy Hunt will host LOL with Randy at the Cape Codder Resort in Hyannis on Saturday, January 25, 2014. The fundraiser, once called LMAO with Randy, but deemed too racy by some, will feature two Boston comedians: Ira Proctor and Mike Whitman. State Representative Randy Hunt (R-Sandwich), represents the 5th Barnstable District. Hunt will be running for re-election in 2014.
Say what you will about Republicans but don’t ever say they don’t bow to political pressure. Unless of course it comes to the use of adolescent acronyms. In that case LMAO was just too racy and LOL was really the only way to go. I was personally all set to go to this event until I realized the change. I am just not content to Laugh Out Loud. If I am paying money for a show you can bet I am looking to Laugh My Ass Off.
I was all set to say that any other political leaders looking to get laughs and votes should team up with The Real Cape. Then I realized that if LMAO is too racy for politicians then they probably shouldn’t get within five miles of our asses. Although our plan to let all the Piping Plovers die so we could have a more direct path from our beach chairs to the snack bar seemed kinda popular.
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