Amateur Hour!


It’s motherfuckin’ New Year’s Eve! It’s a sacred celebration of just another day that marks a relatively arbitrary occasion based on two minuscule rocks that are completely irrelevant on the grand scale of universal existence… let’s get drunk!

What better reason could there be to put on high heels, drink flavored vodka and get so fucked up that creepy guy Johnson doesn’t even need to waste a roofie? I mean the earth made it around the sun again am I right!? AM I RIGHT!?

So here’s a poem about this great night that is dedicated to all the posers coming out and making the line at the bar longer than normal. If you really want to you can send it in as a Pulitzer nomination but I didn’t write it with awards in mind. It does rhyme though, which is fucking awesome.

Twas the night of new years eve and all through the state,

the amateurs are ready to come out of the gates,

the girls are  all dressed up and they’re ready to booze,

their morals and dignity they’re about to lose,

but somewhere there’s veterans that know it ain’t great,

Because to them it’s just a Tuesday, out on The Cape.

So good luck to you people who don’t party all year,

and high fives to the rest, who don’t really care,

Yes for some it’s their debut, out in the fray,

but for most on The Cape, it’s just another day,

Except with more assholes to get in our way.

So think about this, while you’re out on the town,

We do this every day, while your not around.

Please think of the rest of us, while you act all gay

Because to us, this is just, a regular day,

So get all wobbly, all bobbly and weave,

We truly can’t wait until you finally leave

So the rest of us can relax and celebrate New Year’s Eve.

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