CapeCodOnline.com – According to a report by state Trooper Kevin Riordan filed in court records, at 2:30 p.m. May 12, a woman was headed east to Chatham on Route 6 by motorcycle when she saw Cavanaugh in her rear-view mirrors swerving from lane to lane behind her. She told police she was worried he would cause an accident and pulled into the passing lane.

To her surprise, Riordan wrote in the report, Cavanaugh pulled up beside her in the travel lane with both vehicles going 65 mph.

Cavanaugh then allegedly extended himself out of the open driver’s-side window and tried to grab the woman’s arm and leather coat. He was yelling at her, but she couldn’t understand what he was saying, she told police.

She sped up and moved into the travel lane, with Cavanaugh again driving aggressively, switching lanes behind her, the report says. When she moved into the passing lane again as she came upon a pickup truck, Cavanaugh had to slam on his brakes to avoid hitting it and spun out of control, hitting the fence in the eastbound rest area in Dennis.

Jesus, we’ve got a straight up Mad Max situation on Route 6. The big question here is if this guy knew this lady or not. If he was a total stranger then I can’t imagine a more frightening experience. What goes through your head when this happens to you? I mean every bad thing you’ve ever done in your entire life must flash into your mind. Like “how do I know this guy, did I do something to him, his family, his dog? Did someone tape some crack to the back of my jacket? did I make fun of his cousin on an internet blog?”

Either way this chick is a shoo-in for the All Cape BAMF team. Any woman on a motorcycle that outruns a lunatic trying to grab her out of a car window at 65 miles per hour on the highway is a bad ass of epic proportions. Not gonna lie, it moved a little when I was reading this article.

P.S. This story seals the deal, Route 6 is officially the most dangerous road in the universe. Just look at the results of this Google search.

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

CL – lost money (harwich-yarmouth area)

Lost $400 in ($100 bills) last weekend. I went to yard sales etc. really not sure which town it went missing. Thank you

• do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

Ha! Join the club. If I put an ad on Craigslist every time I couldn’t figure out where all my money went over the weekend it would break the internet. It’s only gonna get worse, summer starts this weekend. Here is the ad I’ll be placing next Tuesday:

lost money (Cape Cod)

Lost $637 in ($1 $5 $10 and $20 bills) last weekend. I went to bars etc. really not sure which town it went missing. Thank you. (Also looking to trade three empty packs of cigarettes and thirteen lighters for a dialysis machine)

P.S. You know what my favorite part of this persons ad is though? They checked off the box for “do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers”. Ah yeah, no shit pal, you just said you lost all your money.

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Well we asked for a pic of a baby seagull and Amanda Jennings answered the call. The funny thing is I think this seababygull thing might actually be more real than an actual baby seagull. Still doesn’t qualify for the free prizes, but at least we are getting somewhere.

Seriously what is the deal with baby seagulls? Where are they all? I’ve seen a seagull eat a french fry out of a kids hand at Burger King. I’ve seen a one legged seagull crap on a sandcastle at the beach. I’ve seen a seagull eat a babies diaper at the dump, but I’ve NEVER seen a baby fucking seagull!

WHERE ARE THE GOD DAMN BABY SEAGULLS!?!?!

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

WellfleetRestaurantWeek.com – The Wellfleet Chamber of Commerce (WCC) is pleased to sponsor the Harborfest Bonfire at Mayo Beach on Saturday, May 31, 2014 at 8:30pm. The bonfire coincides with Wellfleet Restaurant Week, May 28-June 3. Please visitwww.wellfleetrestaurantweek.com for a full list of events and specials!

The bonfire is planned as a celebration of Wellfleet’s Harbor and will replace the daytime vendor and nautical flea market in 2014. The Wellfleet Chamber of Commerce hopes to build upon the success of the event and continue the Harborfest vendor and nautical flea market in 2015. The Harborfest Bonfire at Mayo Beach is a free public event and free parking is available on the Wellfleet Town Pier.

Hey Wellfleet, you better make sure that if you use pallets for this fire that you have a plan to remove all of the nails. If the Fun Police find one piece of metal they will probably launch a full scale CIA investigation. Don’t believe me? Remember what happened at Bass River after their last bonfire. Some lady from Connecticut called the cops on everyone in town.

While you are pulling nails you might want to do a full scale study on the effects of second hand smoke on Piping Plover’s as well, you can never be too careful these days. Although slow smoked plover does sound delicious…

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

CL – HEY FATSO – 38 (CHATHAM)

Thanks for parking your bloated SUV 6 microns away from me today at oddlot…a quick trip for gardening supplies became a living hell. Your obese, shovel-faced daughter stopped stabbing furtively at her android phone long enough to give me the severe “stink eye” as I “flat stanley-d” myself into my car…THANK GOD IM SLENDER, not a friggin whale like you and your honey boo boo-like child. I hope you rot in hell. It’s obvious its alllll about you, 24/7. When your husband leaves you…(and he will) realize it is because you are a horror. Your dim-witted, mouth breathing daughter is waiting in the wings to echo your godzilla like footsteps…so much for “breaking the cycle”…….GO FUCK YOURSELF!

Holy shit guy face! Someone woke up on the wrong side of the psychiatrists couch this morning. If a person parking too close to you at Ocean State Job Lot sends you into such a tizzy that your life becomes “a living hell” then you may want to re-think leaving the house anymore. You might have a deeper problem than you are letting on in this ad, probably a good idea to look into that.

Forget glaucoma, this is why weed needs to be prescribed to some people. Hey guy face, next time do a bong rip before you go shopping. If someone parks kinda close, instead of hoping they rot in hell and telling them to GO FUCK THEMSELVES, you’ll probably just go “whoah man…  nice car”, forget why you are there, buy a candy bar and pretend you are in a Mission Impossible scene squeezing back into your car.

Doesn’t that sound so much better than popping a blood vessel in your forehead over a couple of people who don’t even know you exist?

P.S. Xanax

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

CapeCodOnline.com – All lane restrictions on the Sagamore Bridge have been lifted for the remainder of the spring into the summer, the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers announced today.

The bridge’s four travel lanes, which have been restricted due to ongoing painting work on the bridge, will remain open until after Labor Day.

The $12.4 million painting project on the Sagamore Bridge began in March 2013.

You have to hand it to the Army  Corps of Engineers on this one folks. Through one of the worst winters in the history of Cape Cod they managed to undergo a massive project and still keep their promise of a fully functional bridge by Memorial Day weekend. So credit where credit is due on that one.

The real heroes here are the actual guys that painted the thing though. Can you imagine if this winter when it was 8 degrees someone was like “Hey I have a job for ya, you know The Sagamore Bridge? Yeah, we’re gonna need you to paint that.” You would laugh like you have never laughed before, it literally doesn’t even seem possible.

I would rather get oral sex from a piranha than paint the Sagamore Bridge last winter.

P.S. We should still tear that fucker down.

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One Thousand One Hundred and Twenty Eight. That is the number. The irony is that they held these elections on a Saturday thinking that more people would vote. Nope, just the same old people with nothing to do.

This Saturday I had some beers and watched some live music on a patio, then got in the boat for some fishing/camping/more drinking and I’m sure most of the people reading this did something similar. An election to decide whether or not to have me burned at the stake wouldn’t have got me to the polls on Saturday, it was beautiful out.

This is the exact reason why the Fun Police are taking over Cape Cod. While we are out enjoying our lives, they are at the polls trying to control them. For anyone that ever questions whether or not there is a silent majority on Cape Cod that is against the status quo, think about this statistic for a minute; 1,128 people voted in the Town of Mashpee general election. 3,614 people from Mashpee voted in our Cape Cod Dive Bar Tournament.

Now go ahead and tell me that we couldn’t take this peninsula back from them if we decided we actually felt like doing it.

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