Craigslist – Ladies have you been feeling lonely or need a hug? Everyone could use some human touch and let’s be honest, some of you won’t cuddle friends, only a significant other. Cuddling is shown to release endorphins, which is shown to reduce stress, blood pressure and anxiety. Some people don’t have people to cuddle with, but that doesn’t mean you should have to go without. Affection is an art form and cuddling is a cozy expression of it. I have always loved to cuddle and figured, why not? I don’t want to be doing something for the sole purpose of making money; I want to enjoy what I’m doing and help others as well. For $30/hour I will cuddle you in a location of your choosing after an initial (free) 45 minute meeting, please leave your name and number if you’re interested ty>

Ladies let me give you a piece of advice. There are only two, count them, two possible ways that answering this ad could end up. One of them is you getting the hose because you wouldn’t put the lotion in the basket. The other is you cuddling with a guy that has higher estrogen levels than you and being horribly over charged for it, because there is exactly a 0% chance this dude is straight.

If this dude actually pulls this off and gets any girls to do this, it will be the worst fleecing of women by a gay guy since Gianni Versace started selling $30 handbags for $2 grand. I don’t care if you look like Anne Ramsey and have the personality of a newt. I am 100% positive you can find some schlub willing to cuddle with you for free just on the off hand chance that you are a deep enough sleeper that he can give himself the stranger with your hand while you are snoozing.

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Barnstable Police are seeking information about a man who robbed the Eastern Bank, 375 Iyannough Road, around 12:30 p.m., Wednesday, Dec. 4.

The suspect implied he was armed and left the scene with cash, according to capecodonline.com

As I was reading this I thought about something that got me thinking. Wait, what? Anyway, it seems like more often than not when I read a story about a bank being robbed, the police are always “seeking information” about the perpetrator, not locking him up. So I decided to do a little research. After an exhaustive Google search which led to two link clicks and the scanning of nearly 5 paragraphs, I found this out…

In the United States Of America in the year 2012 bank robbers were successful 60% of the time. Sixty. Freaking. Percent. No joke up until today I would have guessed that the average person had about a 2% chance of robbing a bank and getting away with it. Is this the best kept secret in the crime game right now or did people know this?

Do you know how many players in the NBA hit 60% of their baskets? TWO. Professional basketball players have less of a chance of hitting a jump shot than you do at getting away with a bank robbery. Not even 60% of dentists recommend sugarless gum. Anyone not robbing banks is just giving away money right now, but if you are a criminal and you are doing anything other than robbing banks then don’t cry to me when you don’t make millions and end up in jail.

P.S. Shit, did I just drop myself under 60% by publishing my fondness for robbing banks?

 

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SAGAMORE BEACH – When Lisa Pucino-Haglof heard from a friend that someone claiming to be her brother Matthew Pucino – a Green Beret who died in Afghanistan in 2009 – tried to “friend” him on Facebook, she was disgusted.

But this isn’t the first time impostors have used her brother’s likeness on social networking sites, she said.

“His pictures and name were used on a dating site before, and we had that taken down,” said Pucino-Haglof, 34, of Sagamore Beach. “I don’t understand why someone would want to do this.”

Army Staff Sgt. Matthew Pucino, 34, was killed on Nov. 23, 2009. He was on his third tour of duty in Afghanistan when the vehicle he was in was hit by an improvised explosive device.

But Pucino-Haglof is not satisfied with the way Facebook has handled things.

“This is not rocket science,” she said of how simple it would be to confirm that an imposter is at work. “It would take two minutes.”

She worries that others could be posing as fallen veterans, using their likeness and name for personal gain. “Unless someone notifies you, you could miss it,” she said of false profiles.

Pucino-Haglof said she and many of the nearly 1,000 people who have “liked” the Pucino foundation page have sent complaints to Facebook, but have heard nothing back.

“They have measures. They have the ability to figure this out quickly,” she said of Facebook. “They should show respect for him.”

Calling the ordeal “such a betrayal,” Pucino-Haglof just wants peace for her brother.

“He’s a hero. He fought and died for this country. Let him rest in peace.”

Yes I know we talked about how Sagamore is not on The Cape in this post, but I don’t give a shit, close enough in this case. Everyone needs to know about this. I don’t even understand the motive behind it? Someone did this just to be able to trick people into accepting their friend request so they could creep on their profiles? Have you ever heard of such a shitbag move?

If you were making a list of disgusting people, there would be people who kill puppies, people who rape handicapped people, terrorists, and then right above all of those at the top of the list would be the guy who fakes a dead soldiers profile on Facebook so he can become friends with chicks and creep on their bikini pics from their Hawaii trip. (not that we do that ladies)

Death penalty for whoever is behind this.

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Find Brazen Belles on Facebook or visit their website

Burlesque is defined by the first result in a Google search as “a variety show, typically including striptease”. While that opening sentence most likely gave every male reader of this website all the motivation they need to buy a ticket to a Brazen Belles show in the next 8 seconds, I feel compelled to expand on the subject.

The first time I saw Brazen Belles perform I expected it to be good. It would take astronomical levels of irrational self confidence to go through all the trouble of producing and performing an entire Burlesque show if you sucked at it right? Well what I saw was not good, and I use this word with a staunch record of heterosexuality, it was spectacular.

Brazen Belles are hilarious in a way that manages to be intellectually stimulating and aww shucks cute at the same time. The diverse numbers pull off an authentic down home Americana vibe complimented with just the right amount of sexy as hell naughtiness. Oh and holy shit can they sing. As funny and sexy as they are, the quality of the singing may be the most surprising aspect to a newcomer and it is most certainly the backbone of the show. You can’t fake raw talent.

While a Brazen Belles show is definitely a throwback and certainly made me want to put on a derby hat, shoot some whiskey and spit in a brass spittoon, it is most certainly not entirely derivative. A welcome dose of pop culture is sprinkled throughout the night that results in a perfect blend of retrospective sensibility and contemporary attitude.

Women make up at least half the audience at every show I’ve been to and they all love it, but I can only speak from a man’s perspective. In a nutshell, if you could stir the ingredients of a Brazen Belles show into a pot and create one woman from it, she would be every mans ideal wife. Funny, rebellious, cute, naughty, smart, and sexy? Yes please.

Would you like to make my Brazen Belles Perfect Woman Stew? Here are the instructions: Add cute and funny with a pinch of naughtiness to a pot and bring to a boil, throw in intellect and sexiness with a touch of rebelliousness and reduce to a simmer continuing to stir, just before serving add a liberal amount of raw talent to finish the dish. Serve warm. Voila, a Brazen Belles show.

Brazen Belles are putting on three shows on December 19th, 20th and 21st at The Landfall Restaurant in Woods Hole. You can get tickets online by following this link www.brazenbelleswinterspectacular.eventbrite.com or in person at Eight Cousins Bookstore in Falmouth. Do yourself a favor and get tickets soon, they sell out quickly. You will not regret it.

Find The Belles on Facebook or visit their website.

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We need your help again folks. Today’s argument is whether or not you tip the cable guy. I for one am a firm believer that the cable guy is like an electrician or a plumber and you don’t need to tip them, they do just fine. In fact if I was a cable guy I’d be offended by a tip. They aren’t delivering a pizza, these guys are trained professionals making a good salary, not $2.75 an hour. What’s next, tipping your dentist?

Please vote below so we can see where the general public stands on this.

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Craigslist – Steel copper plated mailbox used condition but unique piece for a cape cod look great for cottage or summer home. $40 obo

I hate to break it to whoever posted this ad, but I don’t think your mailbox is going to sell. You’d have to be an idiot to put a copper mailbox on the street on The Cape. Crackheads are cutting the pipes out of outside showers and shit on a daily basis around here. That mailbox wouldn’t stand a chance. It would probably get stolen before you even got back in the house after setting it up.

 

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