Capenews.net – Geoff Spillane – Susan Clegg, a retired nurse from Mashpee, got the surprise of her life Monday when she received a delivery package from Walmart.

“A week before, I ordered some toys for my grandchildren from Walmart, but I had already received them. I was quite surprised when the bell rang and there was another delivery from Walmart. I thought maybe it was a gift for me,” she said.

That is when the shock set in for Ms. Clegg.

She opened the package and found 548 $50 Walmart gift cards along with a receipt for $27,400.

You know how you think sometimes about winning the lottery? In that moment between your head hitting the pillow and falling asleep you divvy up hundreds of millions of dollars between your friends and family. $2 mil for mom, $1 mil for each sibling all the way down to a couple hundred thousand for the girl that sold you the ticket.

Is this what hillbillies in the dirty south living in trailer parks dream about? Is their dream scenario to get 548 $50 gift cards from Walmart? “Let’s see, Billy Bob gets three, Sue Ellen gets two…” I feel like a $50 Walmart gift card in the swamps of Louisiana is legit gold, Billy Bob won’t have to trap crawdads for the next six seasons if he comes into three of those puppies.

The real question though is why does this shit always happen to people like Susan Clegg? I joke about hillbillies but the truth is my ass would be making it rain gift cards in the electronic department before the Fed Ex guy gets out of my driveway.  Throw a 60″ flatscreen and a Playstation 4 up on the counter and make the martian behind the register play 52 pick up, then run to the shoe aisle and throw gift cards at poor people like they were ninja stars. I always wanted to be king of the poors for a day

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Capecodtoday.com – On this day in 1620, the Pilgrims ended a five-week stint anchored in the harbor of a locale later to be known as Provincetown and left to settle at present-day Plymouth across Cape Cod Bay.

Most of the country thinks that the Pilgrims first landed on Plymouth Rock. Nope. They were on The Cape for five weeks first. So yeah basically we took their New World virginity and then passed them off. Plymouth became the city of sloppy seconds.

To this day whenever Cape residents go to Plimoth Plantation you can feel the tension in the looks between them and the Pilgrims. It’s that look that only happens when you have someone’s V card. Anytime we want we could text the Pilgrims after the bars close and they will come right over, we know it, the Pilgrims know it and Plymouth knows it.

So enjoy your cute little Rock Plymouth, we have something far more important. Do you remember who the second person to climb Everest was? Me neither, but The Cape is Sir Edmund Hillary. We got there first. Cape Cod drinks your milkshake Plymouth.

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Patch – This song has been making the round on the internet lately. It is performed by the Martha’s Vineyard father and son duo of Dana and Jaiden Edelman. I’m not sure how to feel about some major pronunciation mistakes but poetic license right? Overall it’s a good idea, well done and falls in our jurisdiction so here it is:

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This is not the 20 best known songs, nor is it the 20 most musical. These are just the coolest holiday songs that should be on everybody’s playlist. Yes most of them are old, that is because to us something has to stand the test of time to be considered cool.

15. Leon Redbone and Dr. John – Frosty The Snowman

Just two of the coolest motherfuckers on the planet (three if you count Frosty)

14. Paul McCartney and Wings – Wonderful Christmas Time

Nobody does the trippy, easy listening, rhythm change combo like Paul.

13. Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra – Marshmallow World

Three words: Dean and Frank

12. Christina Auguilera and Dr. John – Merry Christmas Baby

Dr. John makes his second appearance and young Christina is just absolute fire here.

11. The Ramones – Merry Christmas (I Don’t Want To Fight Tonight)

You could be making any list of any cool things ever and it would have to include The Ramones.

10. The Brian Setzer Orchestra – Zat You Santa Claus?

Quite a few people have done this song well but Brian Setzer does it as good as any of them.

9. Bing Crosby and David Bowie – The Little Drummer Boy/Peace on Earth

An odd couple that mesh surprisingly well.

8. Adam Sandler – Hannukkah Song

Remember when Adam Sandler was cool? That was awesome.

7. The Beach Boys – Little Saint Nick

A Christmas surf song? Sure, why not?

6. Bruce Springsteen – Santa Claus Is Coming To Town

BOSS

5. Nat King Cole and Frank Sinatra – The Christmas Song

Nat King Cole is imperative on a Christmas song list, and Frank should always be mentioned at least twice.

4. John Lennon – Happy XMas (War Is Over)

Only man to ever live who could turn a Christmas song into a protest song and not be annoying about it.

3. Run DMC – Christmas In Hollis

Go ahead and try to listen to this without bobbing your head.

2. The Jackson 5 – Up On The House Top

Does this really need an explanation?

1. The Pogues featuring Kirsty MacColl – Fairytale Of New York

A Christmas song about drinking, jail, and love that sours over the winter. It doesn’t get more Real Cape than that.

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Fuck yes! Thanks to MattyB from PIXY 103 for finding this so we can all listen to the Zooquarium song whenever we want. Be warned, listen once and it becomes an all day affair, so tread lightly! Who would have thought it was this guy who brought us such a bad ass jam.

Don’t sleep on his Bobby Byrne’s jingle either, this guy is on FIRE!

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I bet Nauset kids can handle their weed. Maybe we should set up a Kickstarter campaign for them though, poor bastards can’t even afford real drums. Look at the bright side I guess, at least these kids have a big future playing on the street outside Fenway Park. Just kidding Nauset, we are proud of you for thinking outside the box and actually doing something unique, well done.

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