Craigslist.org – You where running and walking for a long time u looked at me every time you pass buy me !!!!

Aw c’mon man! Look we all know it’s hard to get dates on Cape Cod in the middle of the winter but really? How delusional do you have to be to think that the pregnant lady that passes by you is giving you the fuck me eyes? Bro she was probably looking at you weird because she was asking herself what kind of psychopath checks out pregnant ladies.

On the other hand though it is late January in Hy-Town. The pickings are slim and sometimes you gotta roll the dice I guess. At least you know she puts out right? And think of all the money you’ll save on Plan B. Hey, maybe this guy isn’t so dumb after all?

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CapeCodToday.com – It’s No Guff Week in Falmouth this week. That means a veritable kibosh on trash talk, antagonistic texts and bullying. Instead, it is a week of reflection, kindness and respect throughout the Upper Cape town.

It also spread through the rest of the schools in town and into the community at large. Today, No Guff Week is celebrated by all members of the Falmouth community, young and old in the schools, businesses, churches and the town government.

ALL members of the Falmouth community? Well I guess we can expect some low traffic numbers from Falmouth this week. This website is basically built on Guff. How funny is it that a Cape Cod town has to actually initiate a “No Guff Week” though? Basically what we are saying is.

1. We are such sarcastic pricks to each other that we need to create an event to stop it.

2. There is zero chance that we are actually going to get people to stop being dicks altogether so let’s shoot for one week out of 52.

3. The Cape is so full of assholes that we even have to specify that town government and the church are also no prick zones for the week.

Gotta love it. Cape Cod is a special place for sure, fucking with each other is so deeply embedded in our culture we have to give it up for lent and shit. Well here is a “No Guff” toast from The Real Cape.

We love you Cape Cod, every last one of you dumb sons of bitches!

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Capecodonline.com – BARNSTABLE — In the end, the small towns narrowly won the day over the region’s largest towns in the battle over the future of county government on Cape Cod.

After more than two years of debate over potential changes to Cape Cod’s regional government, the county Assembly of Delegates voted at its regular meeting Wednesday against eliminating itself in favor of a council elected from 11 evenly populated districts.

The assembly voted to table a separate proposal from the charter review committee to eliminate the three-member Board of County Commissioners in favor of a single, elected executive, commonly referred to as a “mayor” for the Cape.

Well it looks like we won’t be getting a Mayor anytime soon. I have to admit I’m kinda bummed. A mayor of Cape Cod would provide us with endless material to make fun of. I may even have run myself, Hippie for mayor kinda has a nice ring to it no?

I think we just might need to hold our own campaign. Imagine the freaks that would come out of the woodwork for a Real Cape mayoral election? We could have mandatory drinking at the debates, talent contests for the candidates, mud wrestling at Zachary’s…  Hmmm….

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Editor’s Note: The fuckin’ ’70’s! The Grateful Dead on Cape Cod? No Fun Police? Someone hit the rewind button.

Today I’m taking a trip down memory lane for many of you. Back to when times where a lot simpler and rock and roll was a way of life. For may of us my we have only heard stories of a place on this man made island where rock and roll ruled the night. This place for the music lovers here on The Cape from 1972-1984 was The Cape Cod Coliseum.

This 7,200 seat love nest for music made it’s home in the lovely town of South Yarmouth. With the first concert in 1973 with Three Dog Night and the last concert in 1984 with Iron Maiden. The coliseum hosted the who’s who in the music scene in the 70’s and 80’s. This list includes such greats as The Allman Brothers, The Clash, Santana, Tom Petty, Pat Benatar, Lynard Skynard, The Greatful Dead, Aerosmith, Alice Cooper, Kiss, Peter Frampton, Molly Hatchet, Van Halen, Foghat, INXS, and of course Ozzy.

Not only did the Coliseum host the legends of music, this historic venue hosted Espn boxing events. Also WWF wrestling matches. Back when wrestling was  real and not this WWE fake ass, steroided freak show soap opera bullshit.

I never had the pleasure of making it to this holy ground for live music, but I have been told folk lure of the crazy nights here. From the stories passed down to me, the fun police would of spontaneously com-busted at this place. I can only hope to have a venue like this here on the mother land once again.

Please if you have any pictures or stories share them with us.

Remember get out and see and support live local music.

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BOSTON – The largest immigrant advocacy group in New England is again pushing lawmakers to support a bill that would allow foreign-born residents living in the country illegally to secure Massachusetts driver’s licenses.

Massachusetts law currently requires immigrants seeking a driver’s license to prove that they are in the country legally.

MIRA is calling on supporters to sign and share an online petition supporting the Safe Driving Bill, noting that similar laws are now in effect in Connecticut; Illinois; Maryland; Puerto Rico; California; Washington; Oregon; Nevada; Utah; Colorado; Washington, D.C. and New Mexico.

We don’t like to get political here at The Real Cape so we aren’t going to comment on whether it is right or wrong to give illegal immigrants licenses. We are however all for common sense so we will comment on how the fuck the logistics of this would work? Being an illegal immigrant is still illegal right? When two words describe something and one of the words is “illegal” I tend to lean towards there being a law broken. Am I alone on this?

So in these states where illegal aliens can get a license, and I know this may sound crazy complicated to a government agency, why don’t they just arrest them when they show up for the test? They’ve got weeks of notice. Is this not the ultimate proof of how ridiculously ass backwards our government is? What the government is telling us is that they don’t have the resources to catch illegal aliens. But! They do have the resources to catch them, give them a driving test, take their picture, let them go and then mail them a license within 10 business days? Seems legit.

I’m not even offended by the government not going after illegal aliens, I couldn’t really give a shit less. I mean everyone has an immigrant somewhere in their ancestry. What I am offended by is the government insulting our intelligence with something that makes no sense and contradicts itself. This is like if the government told us they were going to start handing out pie to jaywalkers. Look the other way if you want but don’t reward people who commit a crime. We’ve got a system going here ya know? When you just arbitrarily replace consequences with rewards it tends to screw up the entire operation. Anarchy, cats and dogs, the whole nine yards.

P.S. Anyone who doesn’t like immigrants should be forced to go to the Brazilian Grill in Hyannis, they’d change their tune real fast.

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MVGazette.com – Most Vineyarders already know some basic information about invasive species and why they’re a problem. Basically, invasives are plants or animals, usually from a different part of the world, that are too aggressive. Separated from whatever factors keep them under control in their original range, the spread rapidly and crowd out more diverse and more desirable native wildlife.

One invasive plant that turned up rather recently on the Vineyard — within the past decade or so — is garlic mustard. A native of Eurasia, garlic mustard is especially aggressive in damp habitats, but like most invasives, it’s highly adaptable and can tolerate a wide range of conditions.

I’m gonna have to plead ignorance on this one. How could garlic mustard “crowd out more desirable native wildlife”? What is more desirable than garlic mustard? How can something so good be invasive? I wish it would invade my backyard. While you’re at it Mother Nature I’ll take some invasive bacon ranch in the front yard. How about some honey mustard on one side and teriyaki ginger on the other side for good measure as well?

People on The Vineyard don’t know how good they have it. Talk about Cape Cod Problems. They’ve got Grey Poupon growing right out of the ground and they are bitching about the native wildlife not having room to grow. What’s next? Annoying Money Tree groves just sprouting up in everyone’s yards and driving out the scrub pines? Oh The horror!

 

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CapeCodOnline.com – CHEEKTOWAGA, N.Y. – A Cheektowaga man has been accused of impersonating a deceased soldier from Bourne, Mass., on Facebook and online dating websites.

Ashraf is accused of impersonating Army Staff Sgt. Matthew A. Pucino of Maryland, a Green Beret who was killed in action in Afghanistan on Nov. 23, 2009. Pucino, who died at 34, was a 1993 graduate from Bishop Stang High School in North Dartmouth. He lived in Plymouth, Bourne and Cotuit.

Pucino was on combat patrol near Pashay Kala, in eastern Afghanistan, when the vehicle in which he was riding was struck with an improvised explosive device.

You may remember we did a story a while back about someone posing as a dead Bourne soldier on Facebook and dating sites. Well the guy was caught and now the only question is do they give him the chair or hang him? I mean he even had plans to meet up with girls he met online posing as Staff Sgt. Matthew A. Pucino.

Sure we all mislead people to get laid, guys lie about their jobs, girls wear push up bras and high heels, but stealing the identity of a dead soldier is next level scumbag shit. This guy deserves the absolute worst punishment the law will allow. 20 minutes alone in a room full of pre pardoned Afghan war vets should do the trick.

P.S. What’s the plan when your fat ugly ass shows up to meet some chick and she is expecting you to be this guy?

Bit of a downgrade no? That is Army Staff Sgt. Matthew A. Pucino, read more about him and his foundation HERE

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