Home also includes a guest house with bath & hot tub (Julia Roberts stayed in this guest house). Professionally landscaped grounds with 12 person hot tub. COME SEE TO BELIEVE!!  listing here

Before I get the inevitable emails from people saying the listing broker for this house is their baby in law’s sisters cousins aunt and she’s a really good person and doesn’t deserve to be made fun of, I just want to say that I am sure the folks who listed this property are great people. I follow them on Twitter, they seem lovely and I understand it is an agent’s duty to put what the homeowner tells them in a listing. These people are not what I am about to rant about, this rant is about society and it’s worshiping of false idols. So please no email saying I made your auntie cry OK? Ok.

(Honestly, I get emails like that all the time from people with zero reading comprehension skills, I may start publishing them so you folks can see what I deal with)

Now that we have the disclaimer out of the way, let’s talk about how bananas it is that Julia Roberts is even mentioned in this listing. What planet do you have to be from to remotely care that Julia Roberts once slept somewhere? First off we aren’t talking about George Washington here, we are talking about a woman famous for pretending to be a really nice whore in a movie.

What do the people who care about this kind of thing think makes this room any different than any other room in the world? Do they think that if they rub their ass on the pillow that means Julia Roberts tossed their salad or something? Does it still smell like her? Is her spirit still there? Can the new owner artificially inseminate the room to get it pregnant and have little Julia Roberts room babies with gigantic mouths? I DON’T GET IT!

The bottom line is if you are thinking about buying a house for $2.7 million and Julia Roberts having slept in the guest house factors into your decision in any way, then you should be spayed, neutered and euthanized immediately.

P.S. For $2.7 million dollars you don’t need Julia Roberts’ pillow… I’ll toss your salad.

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

CapeCodOnline.com – SANDWICH – Owners of China Palace Restaurant have decided not to appeal a two-month suspension of the restaurant’s liquor license.

The license was handed in to Sandwich police and the restaurant began serving its suspension Monday, Kathleen Coggeshall, who handles such licenses for the Sandwich Board of Selectmen, said.

A sign outside the restaurant in Canterbury Plaza on Monday said China Palace will serve only takeout for the next two months. The full-service restaurant will reopen April 10, according to the sign.

A Chinese restaurant getting its liquor license suspended just seems strange to me. I always figured Chinese restaurants operated on a different playing field with a different set of rules. Kind of like how every bar in the country does illegal March Madness gambling pools. Everyone knows it’s illegal but it’s just accepted.

Well I thought Chinese restaurants operated in that “illegal but accepted” grey area in society. I mean everyone reading this has had an illegal underage drink at a Chinese restaurant. When you are so shitfaced that you’ve been kicked out of every respectable bar in town, the Chinese welcome you with open arms and a Scorpion Bowl.

If we just start busting up Chinese places where will underage kids get their first drink? How will drunken traveler’s know exactly where to get cocaine late at night in a town they’ve never been to before? Where will creepy old dudes go in their 1974 Corvette’s to be served Mai Thai’s until they can’t see out of their left eyeball?

Come on Sandwich, I thought we had an understanding, Chinese restaurants are in international waters, nobody has jurisdiction over them.

My man Allen T. knows what’s up, here’s his review of China Palace on Yelp:

 

5 Stars indeed.

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This bike is a memorial for a widley loved member of the Wellfleet community. It was created as part of the “Ghost Bikes Project”( a project that remembers those injured or killed on bicycles) by two of Miles best friends. Miles was creamated and so there is no grave or tombstone to act as a memorial. Allowing the bike to remain where it is helps Miles’ family friends and community memorialize him, it gives them a place to remember what an amazing young man we lost.

CLICK HERE to sign the petition

Does everyone remember this story about the Mass. Department of Transportation removing a memorial to a 16 year old Wellfleet kid that was killed on his bicycle? Well we received a few emails from the folks trying to save it and they are doing everything they can to stop the removal. Apparently (and shockingly) they haven’t been able to get very far with the Mass DOT so they started an online petition.

CLICK HERE to sign the petition

Listen unless we are running a contest or something we very rarely ask people so share our articles but all bets are off on this one. Everyone needs to share this, share it again and then tomorrow share it again. I want this petition plastered all over social media until every Cape Cod resident has signed it. If you don’t want to help a bunch of mourning kids be able to keep a memorial they made for their dead friend then I don’t want to know you. Cape Cod needs to come together and fight for common sense on this issue. If you aren’t convinced yet read the original story, it will make your blood boil.

CLICK HERE to sign the petition and then click below and share the ever loving shit out of this story.

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

We’ve created a Facebook Page for the Kale Soup Cook Off at The Beach House on March 23rd. Click Here to visit and like the page to keep up with announcements. The Cook Off is a kid friendly event and all children 12 and under get in free. We will have 30 different Kale Soups for you to taste and judge.

There will be music during the event and once the King is Crowned  Aaron Norcross and The Old Dogs will be taking the main stage at 5 p.m. We will have raffles, prizes and other surprises throughout as well and it is all to benefit the Teaticket Elementary School PTO.

Due to the overwhelming response we decided to do a pre release of a limited number of early bird $10 tickets that are on sale now. These tickets are moving fast so get them while you can. Once they are gone we will do a full release of the remaining tickets for $15. Click Here to purchase the pre release tickets or use the box below.

The amateur division contestant slots are full but we do have a few pro division spots left, so any restaurants looking to compete can send us an email at [email protected] to sign up.

The Real Cape Kale Soup Contest will be judged by you, the people of Cape Cod. So come taste the best Kale Soup the peninsula has to offer and help us decide once and for all who will be crowned the Kale Soup King of The Cape!

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RH.com – Starting next month, America’s Oldest Brewery will be shipping up to Boston.

D.G. Yuengling and Son Inc., Pottsville, announced Friday that it will be expanding the distribution of its “highly sought after brands” to Massachusetts in early March, making it the 15th state in the brewery’s footprint.

This initial rollout includes its flagship beer, Yuengling Lager, as well as Light Lager and Black & Tan brands.

Where do people stand on Yuengling? A poll of The Real Cape staff revealed that we all like it, but we would drink Milwaukee’s Best out of a shoe if it was the only thing around so we might not be the best case study. After asking a few other people the general consensus is that people are excited about this. People around here love Yuengling.

That being said I feel like Yuengling might be one of those things that people rave about just because they can’t get it, but then once it’s here for a while you realize it’s nothing special.

It’s the Krispy Kreme effect. Yeah people were waiting in line for four hours when they first opened, but after a while you realize it’s just a hot donut. Put a glazed from Dunkin’ in the microwave for 30 seconds and you have the same thing.

One thing I can promise you is that once it is here, we at The Real Cape will do exhausting research to find out exactly how much Yuengling one needs to drink for the novelty to wear off. No matter how much beer it takes to get the data, if it’s possible to get sick of Yuengling, rest assured we will find out.

We want to see where the rest of The Cape stands on this issue, so take a second and let us know below.

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WickedLocal.com – When two birds close seven miles of beaches one can say the pendulum has swung too far in one direction, said Chatham Selectman Sean Summers.

“What we are trying to advocate for is access as well as protection,” he said.

And according to Summers and Orleans Selectman John Hodgson, who are both working with state and federal officials charged with endangered species protection, they are making progress.

Hodgson told his fellow board members Tuesday that by Feb. 17 they would have a plan to look at that will hopefully serve as a blueprint for allowing off-road vehicles on Nauset Beach while protecting the threatened piping plover.

Holy crap, what’s going on here? These politicians are thinking rationally and using common sense in their decision making process. Is this Cape Cod or the Bizarro World? Well you can pencil me in on the roster of team Sean Summers and John Hodgson. It’s about time someone stood up for humans around here.

It really is past the point of ridiculous when two birds close seven miles of beach. Think about this for a second. If there were two HUMANS living on that section of beach in a tent, not only would we not close the beach so they wouldn’t be disturbed, we would arrest them and throw them in jail.

You know that scene from the movie “The Good Son” when the mother is holding a kid in each hand over a cliff and they are slipping. She has to decide which kid to let die and which to save. Well imagine you are in that situation and in one hand is a human child and in the other is a Piping Plover. Which do you save?

There are people in this world that choose the bird. That is fucking BANANAS!

P.S. Do you see those bands around that Plovers legs? We put bracelets on them. Again, we put BRACELETS ON TINY BIRDS. We don’t have the resources to get food to starving people in this country but we have an Alex and Ani factory outlet for Piping Plovers.

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So that last post about the message in a bottle from 1956 got me thinking about something. It is very common for writers to use the number one Billboard single when writing about the past. For instance here is the opening sentence from the message in a bottle story:

It was April 1956, and the No. 1 song was Elvis Presley’s “Heartbreak Hotel.” 

That sentence definitely succeeds in putting the reader’s mind into a different era. It immediately conjures images of big cars with fins, girls in poodle skirts and Marty McFly finally standing up to Biff. The song just represents the date perfectly.

The question that comes to mind is, will writers continue to use this technique 50 years from now? If so we may not be remembered as fondly as the Baby Boomers. Can you imagine the first line from a 2062 article about a drone found on a beach? It would start like this:

“It was January 2012, and the No. 1 song was LMFAO’s “Sexy And I Know It.”

Yikes. What types of images will that conjure up in people’s heads? Is there any way we can go back and remove some of these “artists” from the record books to avoid these types of literary disasters in the future?

I don’t know about you but if I read an article in 2050 that sets the mood for the year 2000 by referencing “Who Let The Dogs Out” I will immediately kill myself along with any direct descendants I may have at the time. If the Baha Men ever represent an era I was a part of then I just couldn’t live with that kind of guilt.

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