CapeCodOnline.com – The Barnacle, a snack bar at Craigville Beach that opened in 1951, has been put on the market.

The snack bar across the street from the beach has had four owners since its opening more than 60 years ago, said Shields, the owner of The Realty Advisory Inc.

“I’ve had a ton of interest in it,” Shields said. “I’ve had about 20 people interested in it, probably.”

The property and business at 988 Craigville Beach Road have an asking price of $425,000.

Real Cape reader Colleen sent us this and since I’m not very familiar with The Barnacle I will just let her do the talking…

It’s a wonderful nostalgic shithole. Staggering over blackout drunk from the sandbox full of shitty screaming kids to get an orgasmic cheeseburger so you can continue to secretly drink your face off? I think pretty much 7/10 kids from Barnstable smoked pot back there for the first time

The coolest thing about it is it’s been there for 60 years, always called the barnacle and always just as popular with longer lines than the place next door that changes owners and names every 2 years. They try to be the barnacle but they just can’t. Barnstable kids love the barnacle.

Sounds like The Barnacle is about as Real Cape as it gets.

P.S. If anyone else wants to do our work for us today it would be appreciated. We have Real Cape team meetings on Tuesday nights, which means we are all extremely hung over on Wednesdays.

I am putting an A.P.B out for Captain Blackstrap Molasses Honeycutt. If this pirate is still around we need to bring our forces together and find ol’Blackstrap. If Molasses face isn’t still doing his pirate thing , we need to get our Marty McFly on and go back a few years so we can tip back a few pints with this guy.

There’s not many things better than getting absolutely cocked with a pirate. Not that I’ve gotten blasted with a pirate yet in my life, but I’m making it my mission from here on out to get hammered and then driven around in this fine piece of machinery. Help me get on this truck/boat??? I don’t care what you call it just get me on it NOW!!!!!!!!

Editor’s note: I will seriously get emails from people saying that this video is a few years old and that Insane Tony is out of his mind with this. Yah NO SHIT people, his name is INSANE Tony! Stop trying to make sense of what he writes or does, it will only make you insane as well.

I know when you woke up this morning all you could think about was why they don’t make it easier for New Yorkers to invade Cape Cod. Well… they just did. FUCK.

thanks to Tom for the tip

Buzzfeed strikes again! This time they name 24 Small New England Towns You Absolutely Need To Visit. Sure it’s flattering that they would put three Cape and Islands towns on their list. Sure national exposure is a good thing.

Here’s the thing, you’d think a national website would take one minute of time to make sure they actually represent these places in an attractive light. Let’s take a quick look at the photos they chose to represent Falmouth on this list. Surely such an idyllic New England Town is represented by some stunning shots that capture the essence of the town right? Wrong.

Let’s start with a lovely shot of the local marine life…

Such majestic creatu… SEAGULLS? They used a photograph of fucking seagulls? Rats with wings are what you MUST come to see in this New England Town? Why didn’t they just use a pic of them srounging for french fries in the Burger King parking lot, might as well get them in their most popular habitat.

Let’s move on to a beautiful seascape shall we?

Ooooh! A spectacular shot of what could literally be any town on any coast anywhere in the entire world. That sweet 22′ foot fiberglass center console with the Evinrude on it sure is a throwback to simpler times in New England. Boy does this shot really capture the quaintness of the place! Moving On!

Let’s see what they chose to showcase our famous Cape Cod architecture…

Oh for fuck’s sake Buzzfeed could you put one ounce of effort into this? Can you get someone to close the damn garage door at least? At first I wondered why the shot was cut off on the bottom, then I noticed that there is a fucking 30 yard dumpster in the shot! Fuck me, a 3 year old with a Polaroid could have done better than this.

That is it, these three photos  are all there is in their post to represent Falmouth, three absolutely terrible compositions that would put Cape Cod at # 4,987 on the lists of places I want to visit placing it right behind Syria.

Hey maybe they didn’t get the best photos for the article but at least they got all their facts straight right…

Unlike some of the more popular Cape towns, Falmouth is located on the lower part of the Cape — which gives you a whole different Cape experience.

Oh for crying out loud Buzzfeed Falmouth is most certainly NOT part of the lower Cape, do you not even check Wikipedia before you post this shit?

2: I really like a good friend of mine that I’ve been wanting to ask out for a while now, but not sure how to get out of the “friend zone” – suggestion?

Dear Needs-To-Grow-A-Set,

The “Friend-Zone” is a place no one wants to end up. It’s kind of like Wareham. No one ever intends to end up there, but sometimes you get drunk, hitch a ride with a stranger because you really want Taco Bell and next thing you know you’re there.

My advice to you is simple: preform a series of tests on this bitch the MOMENT you realize you may be interested in her as more than a friend. Whether it be offering to pay for a meal, telling her how beautiful she is or trying to insert your male parts into her she-envelope. By analyzing her reactions to said tests, you’ll quickly learn whether or not her feelings are reciprocated and whether or not to pursue, hence never ending up in the Wareham Taco Bell bathroom. Or the “Friend-Zone”.

I also urge you to accept it if she decides she just wants to be friends – the quicker you move on the better. No one wants the guy they rejected and who may possibly want to turn you into a skin suit hanging around the bar waiting for a “ride home”. Rape isn’t cool, and roofies are so 2007.

With Love,

GG

—————————————————————————————————–

Dear Captain No Nuts,

I am going to have to recuse myself from this particular question due to the fact that I have never been in the “friend zone” because I’m not a squid.

I can however advise you on how to avoid the “friend zone” in the future. If a girl is asking you to do things with her and you suspect that she is only looking to hang out as friends? Say no. There are two reasons for this…

First, girls hate being rejected and want what they can’t have. Feigning interest in her will make her want you. Second, when she asks why you don’t want to hang out with her, tell her it’s because you aren’t “friend” material, that you are much too attracted to her to be friends with her and if you two hang out you WILL end up having sex. This makes you truthful, confident and dominant, chicks love all three of these.

So to recap… Girl asks you to hang out as friends? You say no because you are too attracted to her to be friends and you will end up sleeping together.

Boom, you are instantly transformed from a desperate “friend zone” caliber squid into an indifferent, confident yet honest bad boy with alpha tendencies. She won’t stand a god damn chance. You’re welcome.

Hippie

Have a question, life issue or suggestion for The Glitter Ginger or Hippie? Head over to her facebook page to message her directly. Anything submitted will be kept completely anonymous.