CCT – As of January 1, 2015, there will be no more lighting up at Cape Cod or Falmouth Hospital or any of Cape Cod Healthcare’s (CCHC) other facilities. In a statement Tuesday, CCHC announced that all facilities on Cape Cod will be tobacco free come the first of the year.

CCHC President & CEO Michael Lauf called the reason for the new policy simple. “We are a healthcare system and our mission is to treat and heal illness and disease, which means we must not only provide the best care possible, but we must also lead by example,” Lauf said.

Ok, once again I’ll have to be the voice of reason around here. I understand this ban, as a matter of fact I would have assumed it was put into effect a long time ago. Here’s the problem though…

What about the time honored tradition of a guy having a cigar with his buddies after having a baby? What will become of the ceremony of triumph in which a man celebrates his ability to stand around and do nothing while his wife labors for hours to bring the miracle of a new life into the world?

We might need to start a petition to get a designated new father cigar area built somewhere on hospital grounds. I don’t think Cape Cod Healthcare understands the importance of the very first time a man disappears with his buddies leaving his wife with the kid to do all the work.

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The Beach House is getting in the Halloween Spirit. Bring your kiddos in their costumes and they get a free kids meal… Wait WHAT!?!?!?

Yep… The Beach House will feed your kids for free and all you need to do is throw a sheet over them with 2 eyes and a mouth cut out. BOOM… Free kids meal!!! Send the kids to the Game Room and get a little quiet time with your cocktail. When it’s time to send the kids home stick around for The 4th Annual Boombasnap Halloween Bash. The boys have a special Grateful Dead set planned.

There’s even cash prizes for Best Costume and Sexxiest Costume! I’ll be there giving away tickets to our Wailers 30th Anniversary of The Legend Album Show 12/4 at Pufferbellies at Set Break. As it’s been said before there Ain’t No Party Like A Beach House Party! Come see for yourself.

Saturday Syndicate is back to melt faces and Sunday they’re throwing a tailgate party that is always a good time. DJ Alvzie will be there spinning tunes and doing trivia between commercials and giving prizes away. 25 cent wings and a pizza buffet at halftime. If you haven’t had Beach House pizza you haven’t lived. See you this weekend!

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HyannisNews.com – A 2-year-old baby miraculously was not in bed when a car suddenly crashed through the bedroom wall.

A friend of the family was next door, heard the crash and immediately went running to help because, as she told Hyannis News, the baby’s bed was located right up against the wall that had just been struck by a speeding motor vehicle.

Another witness felt fortunate to be unharmed and in one piece after he saw the vehicle go airborne right in front of him. He said he luckily had been driving slow enough to avoid a serious collision.

At about 12:28 am, Yarmouth Rescue and Police rushed to 314 Winslow Gray Road after a single car crashed into the side of the home.

The baby’s bedroom wall was caved in and the home appeared to have structural damage. So much so, the Yarmouth building inspector was summoned to take a careful look at the scene.

The Nissan Versa had heavy front end damage. Airbags had deployed. Its rear bumper was located about 100 feet away on the ground next to damaged traffic island shrubbery. Police were still uncertain as to why the baby was not in her bed this particular evening

That’s it, if I have kids I’m raising them in seclusion in a giant steel cage. Like there’s not enough crap to worry about when you’re bringing a kid into the world these days, now we have to add Nissan Versas crashing through their bedroom walls in the middle of the night to the list?

Good thing that baby went out to smoke a butt right when this happened or this could have been much worse.

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CCCC – Ever wanted to be in a Disney movie? You may have the opportunity when the Disney-produced film “The Finest Hours” films scenes here in December.

There will be an open casting call for extras from Chatham and the Cape for the feature film on Saturday, Nov. 1, from 1 to 3 p.m. at the Monomoy Middle School gymnasium at 425 Crowell Rd. According to the announcement by Boston Casting, those attending the casting call should bring a headshot or photo of themselvesas well as a resume. Be prepared to fill out an information sheet upon arrival.

The casting agency is looking for extras who are available Dec. 5 through 13, who can work 12-plus hours day and/or nights in Chatham. Based on information provided to the board of selectmen by the production company a few weeks ago, scenes will be filmed here at Stage Harbor, the lighthouse and Coast Guard Station, and downtown near Sears Park.

Bust out the headshot and dust off the resume! You heard it here, so if any of you land a role just promise us that you’ll send us the hot phone pics of Casey Affleck picking his nose, we are opening up a Real Cape TMZ division soon.

Hey if nothing else, it is an $85M production so there’s bound to be donuts.

P.S. How many of you have a headshot and a resume handy? 8, 9 maybe?

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Vineyard Gazette – An uncommon visitor turned up in Edgartown harbor this weekend: a juvenile African pompano, an iridescent tropical fish that likely drifted north from waters off the southern United States.

The sighting was reported this weekend by longtime squid fisherman Janet Messineo, who spotted the fish swimming in Edgartown harbor before it was caught. What she thought was a weed sped off through the harbor.

Later, she got a better look at what she describes as “a beautiful tropical-looking fish with tendrils.” It was her first encounter with the species.

Ms. Messineo was there at around 10 p.m. Saturday when a local squid fisherman caught a squid on a jig. As the squid was being pulled onto Memorial Dock, it grabbed the African pompano.

After the squid and the fish were on the dock, Ms. Messineo held the juvenile fish briefly in her hand before letting it go.

NOOOO! Don’t throw the Ebola fish back! Quarantine the damn thing in an Outbreak tent! What the hell is wrong with this lady?

More importantly why are we still letting fish from Africa anywhere near the United States? Ebola has killed more people in this country than we’ve sent to Jupiter in a Buick! How many people have to die before we take this threat seriously? Two? CLOSE THE BORDERS!

You thought Katharine the shark was scary, she’s nothing compared to a fish that will turn your organs into a soup that comes out of your eyeballs. First Ebola Nurse up in Maine is galavanting around on her mountain bike and now this lady is just tossing Ebola Fish around like she’s playing freaking Bocce. When will people start realizing that 1 out of every 316,100,000 Americans die of Ebola? Oh the humanity!

P.S. I still can’t believe the CDC hasn’t contacted me about the cure I discovered for Ebola weeks ago.

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CapeCodOnline.com – One of the chief complaints voiced by opponents of NStar’s annual herbicide treatment on land beneath its power lines is that members of the public are not told specifically when their areas will be treated.

That lack of information was evident Wednesday when a group of protesters gathered outside NStar’s service center on Willow Street to demonstrate against the use of herbicide applications, which they believed had just recently gotten underway on the Cape.

A spokesman from NStar told the Times just hours after the rally that the treatments are in fact nearly finished, and crews should be out of the area by the end of this week.

Residents in Bourne, Chatham, Dennis, Falmouth, Harwich, Sandwich, Truro, Yarmouth and Wellfleet had been notified in late summer that the utility company would be spraying in their towns and that work could continue until Dec. 31.

But work will instead wrap up by NStar’s target date of Oct. 31.

“It’s been going quite well, and we’ve done everything,” NStar spokesman Michael Durand said.

We’ve written about NStar poisoning us before, but I may need to switch sides on this issue if they keep this up. At this point they are just getting so cocky you almost have to respect it. Not giving a fuck is one of our favorite things here at The Real Cape and NStar is reinventing the “not giving a fuck” game right now. Someone asked NStar about when their highly controversial herbicide campaign on Cape Cod might end and their spokesman’s response was just like…

“Oh we’re pretty much done, yeah, the poisoning is going so well that we’re actually way ahead of schedule. You saw the size of that big truck sprayer right? That thing is awesome. We’ve poisoned almost everything already, the ground, the water, the trees, yeah it’s been a GREAT year for poisoning people, it’s almost as if the poison has spread itself. Yup, if all goes to plan we should be done poisoning you guys any day now”

Such an amazingly cool, calm, and collected yet simultaneously evil response. I think they pulled a Jedi mind trick on me and now I’m actually proud of how efficiently they are able to contaminate our entire peninsula. NStar is kind of like Walter White from Breaking Bad or Jax Teller from Sons of Anarchy now. They are evil, I know they are evil, they do evil things, but I find myself rooting for them for some reason.

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CapeCodOnline.com – When a woman’s parrot flew off her shoulder outside a Cohasset Avenue bank Wednesday morning, a Bourne firefighter came to the rescue.

At 11:30 a.m., the fire department received a call from Santander Bank, where a woman lost her bird, Ozzy, Deputy Fire Chief Joseph Carrara said. The woman was leaving the bank with the yellow-naped Amazon parrot on her shoulder when it flew off into a nearby tree, he said.

Firefighter Matthew Langler responded to the scene with a 16-foot ladder, but it didn’t reach Ozzy, who was perched on a branch about 25 feet from the ground, Carrara said.

Langler climbed the remaining 10 feet on his own and took hold of the bird.

“He got his finger bit and he bled a little,” Carrara said, adding that the firefighter did not need medical attention.

The parrot made some noises but didn’t speak during the incident, Carrara said.

This right here is a perfect example of why firefighters and EMT’s are true heroes, and I am 100% dead serious when I say that. Saving human lives from a burning building is one thing, that makes sense to me. I can understand the adrenalin rush taking over when they are risking life and limb to rescue people whose lives are in danger. I can totally see why the personal rewards of helping people when they are faced with possible death can make for a gratifying profession.

What I can NOT understand is why any human being would feel in any way obligated to rescue some random persons parrot because they thought it was a good idea to bring it with them to the fucking bank. To me this would be a clear cut “you want your parrot, you go up in the tree and get it” situation. Should have put that thing on a leash sweetheart, didn’t you notice the fucking wings on its back?

But this Langler guy? This guy doesn’t even hesitate to Tarzan his way up a tree to get a total stranger her bird back. That takes a selfless person with a pure heart and an intense love for the earth and all of her creatures, a true hero. That takes someone who is basically the complete opposite of me. If some lady outside of the bank asked me to get her bird out of a tree, I would have laughed, hit the ATM, and found the nearest bar to tell everyone the hilarious story about the time a total stranger thought I would give a shit about her stupid bird.

Thank god for firefighters huh?

P.S. The parrot made some noises but didn’t speak? See what I mean? The ungrateful prick didn’t even say thank you.

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