Capecodonline.com — Nearly 45 years after opening, ZooQuarium, the iconic, kid-friendly petting zoo and aquarium on Route 28, has closed.

“It’s been a labor of love,” said Dennis Markham, who ran the facility built by his wife’s father and another man in 1969. “It’s a hard thing to do.”

Markham, his wife and her brother decided to sell the property earlier this year, he said. The doors closed Dec. 1.

“We just decided that’s enough,” Markham, 65, said. “Everything catches up to you when you’re aging.”

Almost all of the animals who lived on the property have been moved to farms and other animal centers on the East Coast, Markham said.

Do you think they mean that all the animals have really been moved to farms? Or is Dennis Markham giving us the parent who put down the dog routine and all the animals were “sent to the farm” wink, wink? I legit thought my childhood dog was sent to a farm in Vermont until I was like twenty three years old, when my friends finally filled me in I was devastated.

Did anyone actually go to the Zooquarium growing up or was it just for tourists? Seems like such a tourist thing to do. Come to Cape Cod and go look at a tied up goat and some crabs in a fish tank. I’m not saying we din’t go to the aquarium growing up, it’s just that we called it the beach, and the petting zoo was our Portuguese neighbors backyard.

P.S. Now that I’ve read this Zooquarium story I will be singing the radio jingle song in my head all day. Does everyone else remember what I’m talking about? UPDATE: Here is the Zooquarium song!

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ORLEANS – Marcus Bennett, 22, of Centerville was charged June 25 with assault after an argument and shoving match with a woman, according to Orleans District Court records.

On July 30, Bennett appeared with his “girlfriend” and said the woman wanted to ask a judge to have the charge dropped.

But Cape and Island Assistant District Attorney Jessica Kroker noticed the woman was not the person she was familiar with from the case, and asked to speak with her, records state.

The woman signed a contact information form with the victim’s name and gave the victim’s correct birthdate, but listed the wrong date of the offense. She also could not provide a social security number or driver’s license.

The woman told Kroker her friend Brittni Wade, 22, of Sandwich, drove her to the courthouse, but she later admitted to actually being Wade. She said she knew her friend Bennett was in trouble and wanted to help him, court records state.

Ah the old dropping charges against the guy who shoved you even though you aren’t the girl he shoved trick. I can’t believe it didn’t work, who would ever think that the Court would ask for such detailed info as a social security number? You can tell they thought of every other little detail involved in faking someones identity though. Well, except for having one single form of IDENTIFICATION.

But that last part technically isn’t even a lie. Brittni Wade DID drive the woman in question to the courthouse. Just because she was the driver doesn’t mean she wasn’t the passenger as well right? Or maybe it does? I don’t know but I really thought Brittni was going to get away with it. She really held it all together right up until the part when she had to speak and answer questions.

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If you are a regular reader of my music section you have noticed I am not a pop music wizard. I am not ashamed of this nor do I apologize for it. The last few days at my “real” job my boss has forced me to listen to a radio station (that shall remain nameless) that plays today’s “hits”.

I have no beef at all with the DJ, I respect the hell out of what they do. It’s not easy to sit there by yourself and talk on air for hours at a time. The disc jockeys on this station did an exceptional job with that part.

My beef with these station is as old as F.M radio itself, WHY THE HELL DO I HAVE TO HEAR THE SAME 10 SONGS EVERY GOD DAMN HOUR? I understand you need to play what the people that tune in want to hear, but good lord. I know for a fact that there is more than 10 “hits” out there. If I have to hear “Cruise” by Nelly one more time I might drive my car off the 2nd Sagamore bridge.

Not sure if the program director is to blame, but someone needs to inform whoever is making these decisions. I don’t expect them to stop playing the “hits”, but at least maybe have a 2 hour time slot before that song can be played again. I know…I know, if I don’t like it I don’t have to listen. Don’t get your ear bud cords tangled and get all pissy. Even if a radio station that plays music that I actually like did this, I would be pissed.

P.s- I love music and respect how hard people work in radio
P.s.s- I am Insane

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Barnstable Patch – Girl Scout Cookies, on Sale December 13 – March 4,

Girl Scouts of Eastern Massachusetts is excited to bring back America’s favorite cookies, and to introduce two new flavors, including one that is gluten-free.

Girl Scout cookies are $4 a package, Gluten Free are $5 a pouch. To find out where to buy cookies in your area visitwww.hergirlscouts.org, click on the“cookie locator” and enter your zip code.

Yeah I clicked on the cookie locator and guess what? I can’t find a god damn Thin Mint any closer than 23.1 miles away in Rockland. What is the story with Girl Scouts and their cookie exclusivity? It’s easier to find a unicorn than it is to find a Girl Scout these days.

Real talk? The Girl Scouts should be arrested on three counts of trickery anyway. If I could buy their cookies any time of year at 7-Eleven, I would never buy them. There are much better cookie options out there. But just because I can’t get them on the regular, next time I see a Girl Scout I’ll probably tackle her and order two cases minimum.

P.S. And you can forget about rationing them until they come back again. The single serving size of Thin Mints is one sleeve, I have never once not finished a sleeve that is open.

P.P.S. If you don’t freeze your Thin Mints you should be extradited to Liberia because you don’t deserve Thin Mints or a freezer.

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You thought we were a one trick pony huh? No, we don’t just get blurry pics of homeless people boozing on public property. Sometimes we are graced with a photograph that is indicative of an elevated artistic sensibility. Today’s photo, taken in Woods Hole, definitely falls in this category. If you are a fan of photography and Cape Cod you should probably be following benshotme on Facebook or at this website.

If you have a photo that represents the Real Cape Cod please submit it below or use the link at the top of the page. From beautiful sunsets to drunken comedy and everything in between, we want to see what you see. (Author is optional)

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CENTERVILLE – Move over, Dr. Seuss. Like the Whos of the classic Christmas story, the Thompsons on Shootflying Hill Road have been Grinched.

For the past eight years the friendly family has erected an elaborate holiday display on its front lawn, wowing neighbors with inflatable characters, a Christmas train and a light show synced to music.

When Richard Thompson flipped the switch to power up the extravaganza Sunday morning, however, nothing happened.

Somebody had slashed the blow-up Santa, reindeer and sock monkey as well as three blow-up dogs representing the family’s three yellow Labrador retrievers. The wires connecting the lights were cut and the display effectively destroyed.

Absolutely gruesome scene in Centerville. What kind of filthy animals are even capable of such heinous crimes? This is a call to arms Centervillagers! Light the torches, grab the pitchforks and release the hounds! It’s time to rally around the Thompsons and bring these savages to justice.

What’s that? The Thompson’s immediately gave up and declared victory for the Santa murderers? Oh ok, well I guess that’s that then. Way to show some resilience Thompson’s. Nothing says Christmas spirit more than giving up the millisecond there is any slight setback in your plan. Way to represent American ideals by running as fast as you can the other direction from the first sign of a fight.

The part of the story I don’t like is that the Thompson’s gave up looking for Santa’s killers immediately. They didn’t put posters up or anything, they just sat on the porch like a goons and made a sign. Those guy’s gotta think ‘You got a Santa. You got a responsibility.’ If your Santa gets killed you don’t make a sign then call it quits. You get your ass out there and you find that fucking Santa killer.

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The Cape Cod Times has a widget on their website that allows you to look up the violent and property crime rates and rankings of Cape Cod towns from 2000 up until last year. We took a screenshot of last years list complete with rankings by town and the results were a bit surprising:

Provincetown coming in hot! I have to say I did not see that coming. The high crime rates for the bigger Cape Towns like Barnstable, Falmouth and Yarmouth seem fairly obvious, but what is going down in P-Town with the double 1st place rankings? Who would have thought that you’d have a higher probability of being the victim of a crime in the fist than you do in the armpit?

So much for the quaint little artist village huh? I’m no criminal justice expert but maybe they should start by no longer allowing homeless people to drink booze on the steps of Town Hall. Or it could just be that they have stricter laws out there and that jacks up the numbers. Maybe the P-Town jail is full of people who wore white shoes after labor day?

Whatever it is, be careful out there Provincetown people, one minute you might be minding your own business helping a friend move and the next thing you know a couple of street toughs are stealing your armoire.

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