HARWICH — When you hear the name “Harwich,” what thought comes to mind? The chamber of commerce wants the answer to that question to be a positive one and is taking steps to ensure that is the case.

The chamber has entered into a contract with North Star Destination Strategies, a Nashville-based company which helps communities retain a positive image through branding. Over the past eight months, community leaders and the chamber have been soliciting input that will assist in branding Harwich.

The branding process could take up to a year. The contract with North Star Destination Strategies carries a $42,000 price tag. The town is helping fund the project through an increased chamber of commerce appropriation for promoting Harwich in the annual town meetinglast year. That appropriation went from $22,000 to $35,000.

How did not one person involved see how awful this idea is? Do I even need to point out the ridiculous irony here? The Harwich Chamber of Commerce, an organization whose sole purpose in this world is to promote local businesses and be a champion for the local economy of Harwich, hired a NASHVILLE company to establish their brand and essentially tell Harwich what it means to be Harwich?! Get the fuck out of here.

You can’t get any less Real Cape than this move, this is Fake Cape shit. $42,000 of Cape Cod money is now in Ten ah god damn see? Hey Harwich Chamber of Commerce get off my peninsula with this crap. You want some branding? Put this in your pamphlet…

Harwich. The Idaho of Cape Cod… nobody knows where the fuck it is!

P.S. We love you, people of Harwich, just kidding about the Idaho thing, just pointing out how much your Chamber of Commerce sucks.

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CapeNews.net – A suspect wanted in connection with the armed robbery of KC’s Drapery & Blind Design on Route 151 in Mashpee was apprehended early this afternoon after a one-hour standoff with police.

Mashpee Police Chief Rodney C. Collins said that the suspect displayed a firearm and demanded money  at the store, and then fled on foot to a home on nearby Algonquin Avenue.

You know we get a ton of shit for posting police reports here but how the hell am I supposed to ignore something like this? This dude robbed a DRAPERY store! Dude, go where the money is. I’ve already posted about how easy it is to rob a bank but these dumb ass Cape criminals won’t listen.

I’m pretty sure armed robbery carries the same penalty for robbing KC’s Drapery as it does for knocking off a Rockland Trust bro. If you’re gonna rob someone at least give yourself a chance at a decent pay day. I’m pretty sure there isn’t a big money windfall coming your way when you’re fencing stolen Venetian Blinds to old ladies on Craigslist.

P.S. For all you people whose feelings we hurt because we are meanies to criminals, tell them not to rob a fucking window dressing store with a gun or suck on nitrous in the dairy aisle and we promise to leave them alone.

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With a healthy mix of straight rock and roll and stretching the imagination, they will keep you mesmerized for their entire show. Ghosts of Jupiter is made up of Nate Wilson (lead vocals, keyboards formally of Percy Hill), Johnny Trama (guitar), Adam Terrell (guitar, also of Assembly of Dust), Tommy Lada (bass), and Thomas Arey (drums). They have shared the stage with the likes of  Blue Oyster Cult, moe., Buffalo Killers and Dead Meadow.

With so much on the horizon for these gents, you need to catch them while you can here on good ol’ Cape Cod. It is just your luck that you have the chance to tear up the dance floor at The Beach House in North Falmouth tonight.

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Mass DPH has finally issued marijuana dispensary permits…

Get your med cards folks, there’s gonna be weed stores on The Cape!

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“We’re locals and on weekday nights in the summer we sit across the street from a Chatham bar, usually the squire, and take bets on whose drunk can stumble down the street the farthest. Usually they end up on the bench 50 feet away. This night was fourth of july and I knew when this guy came out he was a winner. He made it halfway down main street and ended up in the bushes on a side road. I had to take a victory photo because my drunk currently holds the distance record.”

This is so Cape Cod it hurts. While most kids are playing video games on weekday nights, Chatham’s youth are outside The Squire picking drunks like ponies and seeing how far they can make it from the bar. I guarantee you that dude in the red shirt has woken up naked in an inner tube floating in Nantucket Harbor many times, he’s as Real Cape as it gets.

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WickedLocal.com – All but one local editor for the region south of Boston remain employed after the online news company Patch notified staff nationwide of layoffs Wednesday.

Launched in 2007, Patch was bought by AOL in 2009 and quickly expanded to hundreds of local websites across the country.

We have three local Patch sites on The Cape including Falmouth, Barnstable and Martha’s Vineyard. The editors of all of them have been laid off following AOL’s sale of the company. News websites seem to be dropping like flies lately and meanwhile The Real Cape is growing exponentially, so that makes me a Cape internet guru right?

Well in my new role as the foremost internet mind on Cape Cod I am going to give out some free insight into the success of The Real Cape and advice for fledgling Cape websites. The key to internet traffic is to maintain a level of integrity and transparency through responsible journa… juuust kidding, GIANT SNOW DICKS!

 

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BarnstablePatriot.com – Is there room on Cape Cod for a second microbrewery? Peter Connor believes there is because of the growth in hyper-local microbreweries in recent years and growing consumer interest in local craft beer.

“The consumer environment is probably ready,” he said in a recent interview. He noted that the 2,700 breweries now in the United States is the highest number since Prohibition and the late 1800s and sales and volume brewed by independent craft brewers have increased significantly.

In addition to the successful Cape Cod Beer company in Hyannis, Martha’s Vineyard has two microbreweries and Nantucket has one, so Connor believes the Cape should be able to support another, which will be called Barnstable Brewing Co.

He and his wife, Ann, co-owners of the new company, won the Samuel Adams “Come Brew with Us,” contest in 2012, which allowed him to go to the brewery to brew his beer recipe.

Is there room for another brewery on  Cape Cod? Duh, there’s room for like ten more breweries on Cape Cod. There should be a brewery on every street corner. Has the person that wrote this article ever been to The Cape? Asking if there’s room for more beer on Cape Cod is like asking if there’s room for more potatoes in Idaho. Um yeah, beer is what we do bro. If this beer is as good as advertised The Real Cape staff alone will keep it in business.

If Peter Connor was smart he’d find a way to get us some of this award winning beer to test A.S.A.P. We will let the people know if they should be making room in the fridge or not. I know our readers and I’m pretty sure they are responsible for 94% of the beer being consumed on Cape Cod. Just be warned that if your beer sucks we will be passing that information on as well. Our readers may be boozebags, but they can see through bullshit a mile away so there’s no chance we’d blow smoke up their ass.

P.S. How long until the fun police form an army to show up at every permit application hearing Barnstable Brewing Co. has?

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