Brewster Man Claims To Be “A Terrorist And Card-Carrying Member Of Al-Qaida

osama – A Brewster man arraigned Tuesday in Barnstable District Court on a drunken-driving charge reportedly told police he was a terrorist with CIA connections.

Vladko Iliev, 30, pleaded not guilty to operating a motor vehicle under the influence of liquor, negligent operation of a motor vehicle, a marked lanes violation and speeding.

At around 1 a.m. Tuesday, police stopped Iliev in his black Mercedes on Highbank Road in South Yarmouth after seeing him speed and cross over the double yellow line, according to a Yarmouth police report.

After he failed field sobriety tests, police arrested Iliev and took him to the police station, where his “attitude changed from compliant to aggressive,” the report says.

Iliev told police he “knew people in the CIA” who would help to dismiss his case, according to the report.

During booking, Iliev said he was “a terrorist and a card-carrying member of al-Qaida,” the report says

Doing what I do on a daily basis, I’ve become quite de-sensitized to reading about people acting like wackos, but when I read this article I literally laughed out loud. It is just so preposterous and hilarious to envision members of Al-Qaida carrying identification cards. Like there is a terrorist RMV somewhere with a huge line where everyone is taking numbers and updating their Facebook status to say “The only thing I hate more than the line at the RMV… is America!” while they wait to renew their Al-Qaida I.D.

Hey buddy, you want to know how I know you aren’t in Al-Qaida? Because the first rule of Al-Qaida is you don’t talk about Al-Qaida. I’m pretty sure they teach you that in day one of terrorist school, right after you complete the monkey bars they set up in the middle of the desert for some unknown reason.

P.S. You might want to look up a guy named Ernesto Miranda.

P.P.S. Seriously though, why do terrorist training videos always have guys doing the monkey bars? Are monkey bars a common obstacle when terrorizing?

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