CapeCod.com – British adventurer Sarah Outen, who is on the last leg of a 25,000 mile adventure around the world, will launch Thursday morning from Chatham Bars Inn.

Outen biked, rowed and kayaked through Europe and Asia and biked through Alaska, Canada and the U.S. over the last 4 years.

Outen will be rowing solo across the Atlantic Ocean and expects the trip to take about four months.
Outen has spent the last five weeks in Chatham recovering from a winter bike leg across North America.

Good lord am I sick of reading about this lady. She’s been here for five weeks? As far as I’m concerned if you stay in one place for more than a month you’re no longer on the “last leg” of an around the world adventure, you’re on fucking vacation. Move it or lose it sweetheart.

At this point she’s like Cape Wind, there’s 378 articles about her every other day but there isn’t anything actually happening. All I know is she damn well better make it across or this will be the most anti climactic media hype since Geraldo opened Al Capone’s vault.

There’s only one thing worse than an attention seeking, “look at me” type of person, and that’s an attention seeking, “look at me” type of person that sucks everyone in and then fails. I’m just letting everyone know ahead of time that if this limey chick doesn’t make it to E town I am going to be all over her. You want to make sure the press knows all about your “adventure”? Don’t come crying to me when I make fun of you for getting scurvy and quitting on day 3.

P.S. If she calls that thing a “kayak” one more time I’m gonna punch myself in the nuts.

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Do you and your friends want to experience The Real Cape Music Festival in style? Well, we’ve got you covered. Since we are moving the festival to a much bigger field we can now offer 10 person, private group, VIP tents.

You will have a private 10 person tent inside of the main concert area with views of both stages. There will be tables and seating for everyone. Included in the package will be a case of spring water, a case of premium beer of your choice, one case of domestic beer of your choice as well as a complimentary sandwich platter and snacks.

If you run out of goodies there will be private golf cart service to bring you whatever you need for the duration of the festival. Run out of beer? Just order another case. So if chilling in the shade in your own private area with your friends and never waiting in a beer line appeals to you, this is the way to go.

There are a very limited number of these private group tents available and we’ve had tons of people inquire about them already so you are going to want to jump on this ASAP, once they are gone, they are gone.

CLICK HERE FOR PRIVATE TENT TICKETS

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From the Crooked Coast Film Festival EVENT PAGE:

In anticipation of our new album we are excited to release two new music videos. Get Yourself a Gun is a song of our last album Thanks for the Memories. We shot this video with Stephen C. Atkinson. It’s a surreal, reggae-rock take on cops, crooks, guns and the internets.

Our second video, Go Back is the lead single off of our new album Wildlife. It was shot and directed by longtime collaborator Nicholas Santos. The song is a tipsy trip down memory lane with a hip-hop rhythm section, guitar hooks, gang vocals and an arena-rock chorus. We filmed this video in a number of locations including NYC, Providence, Cape Cod and Plymouth. Much of the footage is day in the life of a working band: touring, recording, playing shows and hanging out in-between. This video also includes soaring drone footage shot by Brian Switzer to capture the epic natural beauty of the place we call home.

Prior to being released world wide we will be holding a premiere party at the Falmouth Cinema Pub on Friday May 15th 9 P.M. We are proud of these videos and feel they deserve the big screen. As well as the two new videos we will show a couple old videos, funny trailers and a short film by Nicholas Santos. The admission is $10 and will include an after party at the Beach House in North Falmouth immediately following the premier. Crooked Coast will be performing live at the after party from 11 P.M. till close.

Upon entrance attendees will receive a raffle ticket to win a pair of Real Cape Music Festival tickets!

We invite you to join us for a night of art, music and celebration. May 15th Falmouth Cinema Pub 137 Teaticket Hwy, East Falmouth 9 PM (All ages) with an after party to immediately follow at The Beach House (21+) 17 Nathan Ellis Hwy, North Falmouth. For tickets go to crookedcoastpremiere.brownpapertickets.com

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Boston.com – Bad news, beachgoers: the sea breezes on Martha’s Vineyard may be less restorative than you think. An American Lung Association study released on Wednesday indicated that ozone pollution in some Massachusetts counties is far from healthy.

Dukes County, which includes Martha’s Vineyard and the Elizabeth Islands, tied with Bristol County for the worst air quality in the state. They both scored an ‘F’.

Elena Craft, a senior scientist with the Environmental Defense Fund, said fuel emissions during hot summer days could be part of the problem, but it’s important to keep in mind that just because air pollution exists in an area, that doesn’t mean it originated there.

“Around coastal areas, weather has an effect,” Craft said. “It can move pollution around. It could be coming from other places but just happens that the area in question has higher concentrations.”

“It can be carried downwind from the source,” said Harvell. “We see jetstreams come through New England and over the water, so we’re getting ozone from other parts of the country.”

The south strikes again. Last week we talked about the Lone Star tick that has invaded us from below the Mason-Dixon and is turning people into vegetarians, now we find out that the jet stream is carrying dirty hillbilly air from the south and polluting Martha’s Vineyard.

It’s probably only a matter of time before rednecks just start piling into Greyhound buses all stocked up on Waffle House grits and moonshine. I guess we might as well build a NASCAR track in Hyannis and put up a couple of South of the Border billboards to make them feel at home.

Look on the bright side though, they’ll probably bring plenty of shotguns and go all Duck Dynasty on our wild turkey population. Not to mention how good us Cape guys will look in our worn out hoodies and flip flops next to a bunch of dudes in mustard stained wife beaters, jean shorts and untied work boots. Nothing better than a few banjo players from deliverance hanging around to make the rest of us all feel better about ourselves.

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Cutie in shackles – m4w (highspeed ferry)

we were both on the Fast Boat to Hyannis from Nantucket…we were across from each other and you were having a bad day all around. We sorta just stared at each other..you are fucking hot! especially in the shackles. I would have bailed you if I could have found out where you were going. I’ve been there! You were having a pain..you tell me what it was and I’ll know it’s you!

• do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

I’m gonna go out on a limb here with some advice for this dude. If you see a girl in shackles being transported to jail on the ferry and your first thought is… “I’ve got to post something in the missed connections section of craigslist and try to get with this girl!” then there are two things you need to work on in life.

1. Your first problem is that I’m pretty sure you might want to raise your standards a tad. (Unless you enjoy getting stabbed with a pen while you’re sleeping that is) How many women were on that ferry? And you find yourself desperately attracted to a convict in shackles? As if handcuffs alone aren’t enough of a warning sign, this chick is so scary that they cuffed her ankles? Listen, I know it’s been a harsh winter, but you are in the home stretch bro. It’s almost Memorial Day, pull yourself together and leave Lindsay Lohan alone.

2. Your second problem is that you aren’t the brightest bulb in the box. How on earth is a woman headed for jail ever going to see your ad on Craigslist? You even said you’ve “been there” before. Let me ask you this, when you were in jail did you notice that nobody had smartphones, laptops or freakin’ Wifi?

Now that I think about it, maybe dude guy finding this girl and marrying her is the best case scenario for the rest of us. At least if he’s with someone that’s in jail he won’t be able to procreate. I’m pretty sure the world will be a better place if his gene pool lineage ends ASAP.

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CapeCodTimes.com – Imagine a tick that travels three times as fast as the black-legged deer tick, has excellent vision and hatches in stinging swarms that can put fire ants to shame.

The arthropod in question is the lone star tick, which scientists say has meandered northward and established a foothold at Sandy Neck Beach Park in Barnstable and Cuttyhunk in the Elizabeth Islands chain.

“It’s pretty clear that the lone star ticks are established (at Sandy Neck) now,” said Stephen Rich, a microbiologist at the University of Massachusetts Amherst, who is finishing a year’s sabbatical on the Cape.

Now the challenge is to find out if the aggressive ticks, once confined to southern states, are spreading across the Cape and how much disease they carry, Rich said.

Lone star ticks carry tularemia, human ehrlichiosis and STARI, for southern tick associated rash illness, which is sometimes confused with Lyme disease.

“Perhaps most disturbing, their bites have been associated with an allergy to red meat,” said Sam R. Telford III, a professor of infectious diseases at Cummings School of Veterinary Medicine at Tufts University.

The reaction “can range from hives all the way to anaphylactic shock,” Dapsis said.

That’s it, I’m done. Blow up the bridges. If one of these redneck, track star, KKK ticks from the south even dares to bite me and turn me into a vegetarian I am going to freak right the fuck out. At least deer ticks have some civility, Lyme disease is one thing, but taking away our ability to eat red meat is simply barbaric.

How have we allowed these hillbilly heathen ticks to cross the Mason-Dixon line and infiltrate our peninsula in the first place? Maybe it’s HGTV’s fault? If they keep handing out dream homes to southerners, who knows what other disease ridden varmint will hitch hike up here on their Beverly Hillbilly mobiles?

It’s time to lock it down folks. It’s stressful enough to be the vacation destination for New England and Europe, but once the floodgates to Cape Cod open from down south we are completely screwed. It’s one thing to be forced to deal with New Yorkers and their purse dogs. Dealing with a bunch of Honey Boo Boos and their Hep C infested pet Chupacabras is an entirely different story. And like most stories that start in the south, this one will most likely not end well.

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CapeCodTimes.com – A Centerville woman, enraged that her husband had the phone number of an ex-girlfriend and another woman in his cellphone, stabbed the man with a pen Wednesday night, according to police reports.

Dude Girl, 56, of Nye Road, was charged with assault and battery with a dangerous weapon and assault and battery on a household member.

According to police reports, French, who recently had been separated from her husband, allowed him to move back into the house. When she saw the phone numbers of the women on his cellphone, one witness said, she ran upstairs with a pen in her hand screaming “I am gonna stab you.” She then entered the room where the man was in bed and stabbed him in the right shin with the pen, breaking the skin and causing bleeding, according to police reports.

The victim declined treatment by medical rescue personnel, according to the report.

This poor guy, he finally got the wife to let him come home, was probably just laying down and getting himself comfortable in the way that’s only possible in your own bed, and then…

“D’oh! Thaaaat’s right. I’m married to a complete lunatic that searches my phone and then stabs me with shit while I’m sleeping.”

In a way it’s kind of his own fault though. He has to know his wife is a phone creeper right? So how do you get back in the house and leave the numbers that got you kicked out to begin with in your phone? You don’t just wake up one day and find yourself married to a lunatic and all stabbed up with a Bic, that type of behavior reveals itself well before marriage. You need to either erase those numbers, or sleep with one eye open, because there’s a stabbing brewin’ for sure.

So whatever trade off deal he made with the devil when he married a psycho, if it’s that she’s blazing hot, makes a fantastic sandwich, or she’s a millionaire, he has to be smarter than leaving girls numbers in his cell phone. That’s just part of the deal when you enter into a relationship with Stabby Stabola from Stabbington, your phone is now community property. This dude should have learned that lesson a long time ago, he could have saved himself a ton of trouble, not to mention a case of ink poisoning.

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