CapeCodOnline.com – BOSTON – Massachusetts drivers will soon have a little extra help navigating the state’s traffic hotspots.

Gov. Deval Patrick and transportation officials announced a $17.5 million project today to place permanent electronic signs on state highways that provide motorists with real-time information on how long their commute will take.

The first permanent signs are already up on Route 6 on Cape Cod. The signs project will expand statewide, wrapping up by the end of 2015

The system uses Bluetooth technology to estimate travel time between two locations.

Others major roadways where the signs will be placed include Interstates 93, 95, 195 and 495, a portion of Interstate 91, and the entire length of the Massachusetts Turnpike.

Patrick says commuting is more manageable when you know how long it will take to get from point A to point B.

So this story is everywhere lately. We’ve got the Governor and a bunch of “transportation officials” all in a circle jerk over these real time traffic signs like they just solved world hunger or something. I for one am wondering why anyone should give a shit about these things?

What good does it do you to know that there is traffic, when you are already sitting in the fucking traffic? “Oh look, another hour and a half to go eight miles, good thing that sign just told me that since there is not a single god damn thing I can do about it”.

How about Deval getting all righteous saying that “commuting is more manageable when you know how long it will take to get from point A to point B”? Yeah, no shit gov, but you need to know that information BEFORE you leave, not halfway there. What are you supposed to do with the knowledge that there is traffic after you’re already on the road? Go back in time and leave earlier? It makes zero sense.

The only thing these signs will change is that from now on when you get stuck in traffic you’ll know about how long your life is going to suck  instead of guessing. They will not actually help anyone get anywhere any faster or on time.

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CapeCodOnline.com – The state Supreme Judicial Court on Wednesday upheld the dismissal of a defamation lawsuit filed by a former Falmouth priest against two other priests, agreeing the suit was filed beyond the statute of limitations.

In November 2010, the Rev. John P. Harrington, formerly a priest at St. Patrick’s Church on Main Street in Falmouth, filed suit in Norfolk Superior Court against the Rev. John H. Perry – the former pastor of St. Patrick’s – and the Rev. William M. Costello, the former pastor of St. Anthony’s Parish in East Falmouth.

The suit stems from an incident beginning in January 2005, when Costello told Perry that a parishioner of St. Patrick’s had accused Harrington of stalking her minor son, according to the court decision. In response, Perry told the two directors of religious education at St. Patrick’s about the accusation against Harrington, according to the decision.

Perry then informed Harrington of the accusation, which was false, the decision says.

In response Harrington spoke with Costello, who told Harrington the accusation had not been made by a parishioner but by the parishioner’s co-worker, according to the decision. Costello refused to give Harrington the name of the co-worker.

Good lord, Cape Cod drama runs so deep that even our priests play He said, She said. Whatever happened to separation of church and state anyway? These priests should have to take their squabbles to Judge Judy. If you aren’t gonna pay taxes then you certainly shouldn’t be able to clog up our courts more than they already are.

Besides, isn’t the idea of catholic priests going to court kind of an oxymoron? What happened to Matthew 7:1? You know, that crap about judge not? Doesn’t really jive with suing each other since there’s something called a JUDGE in court. Plus why does this guy care about these priests being judged by a mere mortal, shouldn’t he be confident that The Almighty will sentence them to hard time in the fiery pits of hell for all of eternity?

Better yet, practice what you preach and forgive them. Not so easy when shit happens to you is it Mr. Can’t Let It Go?

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CENTERVILLE – Police arrested a man early this morning after he allegedly returned to a home where he had just broken into two cars to film police officers investigating the break-ins.

Police officers were called to 72 Five Corners Road at about 3 a.m. for a report that a motor vehicle had been broken into, Barnstable police Sgt. Sean Sweeney said.

As Officer Mark Palmer was waiting for a criminal investigation officer to help with identification of a suspect a man later identified as Jon Wetherbee, 25, of 3 Nevins Lane in West Harwich, walked by the house wearing a black hooded sweatshirt and videotaping the scene with his phone, Sweeney said.

Palmer approached the man and asked him his name, which he refused to give, Sweeney said.

“‘It’s none of your business,’” the man said, according to a police report. “‘I have a God-given right to tape you and what’s going on here.’”

Officers tried to place him in protective custody and Wetherbee hit Palmer on his neck, became combative and refused to be handcuffed, according to the report.

Once he was in custody police found an owner’s manual to a Toyota Camry, a window sticker for a Camry, a work order for a Camry from Hyannis Toyota, two receipts from the town of Barnstable for beach stickers, two pairs of women’s sunglasses and assorted change and small bills totaling almost $6 on him, according to the report.

This is one where you need to read the whole article to appreciate the story. I don’t know whether this guy is the worlds dumbest criminal or if he has balls of steel. I mean returning to the scene to film the cops investigating a crime that you committed and then punching a cop in the neck when he asks your name is not exactly a world class exit strategy.

How about him saying he has “a god given right to tape you and what is going on here” to the police? Ummm… yeah, and on the fourth day God said unto thee: “I bestow upon you the right to film police investigations after you break into a Toyota.” When you are right you are right, it’s all there in the Bible.

What I don’t understand is that he got away with it. You got the loot man, just be incognito and the Camry owners manual, beach stickers and nearly $6 in change is all yours. You should be on the next flight to retire in Mexico after a heist like that. That’s the problem with these criminals, they never have enough, they always need that next score.

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CapeCodOnline.com – The Nuclear Regulatory Commission announced Wednesday it had denied a post-Fukushima petition to expand the emergency planning zones around the country’s nuclear power plants, saying the current zones are sufficient.

“The NRC has failed the American people,” said Michael Mariotte, president of Nuclear Information Resource Service, in a written statement. “Rather than learn from Fukushima and act appropriately to protect the public, the agency has chosen to protect the nuclear power industry yet again.”

The petition asked the NRC to expand the current 10-mile-radius emergency planning zone to 25 miles; to create a new, 50-mile “emergency response zone”; and to expand the “ingestion pathway zone” — where drinking water and food could become contaminated — from 50 to 100 miles.

Cape Cod currently falls into the ingestion pathway zone of the Pilgrim Nuclear Power Station but the region would have shifted into the “emergency response zone” had the petition prevailed.

The shift would have addressed the longtime complaint from Cape legislators and activists that there’s “no escape from the Cape.” As part of the petition’s provisions, nuclear plant owners would have been required to identify evacuation routes for all residents in the emergency response zone and annually provide information about the routes.

“It’s more of the same,” said state Sen. Daniel Wolf, D-Harwich, of the petition’s denial. “I don’t know what we have to do to have our government regulators be more responsive to concerns from our region.”

Welp, that’s that. The NRC officially hates you, me, and Cape Cod. Although I have no idea how this expansion would actually help us if Pilgrim had a meltdown anyway. Last I checked there are two, count them, two roads off of Cape Cod. The only possible way to evacuate would be to fill in the canal and build a fifty lane highway.

Could you imagine every single person on Cape Cod trying to get off the peninsula at once? The bridges would just plain fail to handle the volume and it would be gridlock from Canal to P-Town. Imagine the level of road rage when there is a nuclear cloud on the way? I’ve never experienced it first hand but I would imagine that facing an imminent danger of your family’s faces melting off would make you a bit edgy.

If it happened in the summer people would start stealing boats, jumping on strangers boats etc. and it would turn into a scene from Mad Max or Red Dawn. If it happened in winter we’d have absolute mayhem at the boat ramps from people trying to get their boats in. Boat ramps in August are already high stress places where people get pissy, imagine if in the middle of the winter every boat owner on Cape Cod had to get their boat launched at the same exact time or they would grow a hand out the top of their head? There would be shotguns involved.

What I’m saying is that while this was a bad decision by the NRC in the long run it doesn’t matter one bit. If Pilgrim Nuclear melts down we are all fucked. It makes no difference if we are in an “ingestion pathway zone” or an “emergency response zone”. You could call it a “happy clean live forever zone” and it wouldn’t change the fact that we are all going to die.

My advice if there is a disaster? Head straight to the liquor store, grab your wife/boyfriend/vibrator or whatever you have, get hammered and go out with a bang.

P.S. I’m actually all for Nuclear Energy, but when you have two routes of escape for hundreds of thousands and possibly millions of people and your friendly local nuclear plant is consistently ranked among the countries worst as far as safety? Yeah that can get a little disconcerting.

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So tomorrow night at 7 p.m. at The Beach House in North Falmouth history will be made. The Real Cape crew is assembling to learn how to paint at Paint Nite. It is a Hawaiian themed night so imagine something like this, but with a rag tag group of lunatics…

 

Paint Nite – Drink Creatively!

Looking for something novel to do with friends to create new memories and share a few laughs over a cocktail or two at your local bistro?

Paint Nite is the perfect cocktail of friends, wine and art that make for a unforgettable evening.

Our professional artist will guide you, step-by-step, from a blank canvas to a final unique masterpiece in about two hours, all the while sipping a cocktail or two.

No matter whether you bring your friends or come by yourself, you can bet that you will meet plenty of other fun-seeking people from all over the city!

We will have Ginger Glitter, Ham Sandwich, Arthur Bonzarelli, Hippie and Insane Tony on the scene with the illustrious film crew of S.C. Atkinson and Beninghof documenting the debauchery. There are still spots open for the class so if you think you can handle this good of a time you should either sign up early HERE or just show up.

Warning: Only come to this event if you enjoy extreme amounts of fun, beer and don’t mind if your face hurts all day tomorrow from laughing so hard. See you there!

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

Craigslist.org – Need 420

 

Looking for a reliable hook up. I’m in falmouth and would meet you anywhere within reason. (Wareham to Hyannis)

Let me know

Wait a minute, does this work? Do people actually find weed on Craigslist? If so then this is the absolute proof that legalization works. Think about it, Craigslist is the sketchiest way on earth to buy something and drugs are the sketchiest thing on earth to buy. If people feel safe enough to combine the weed and the Craigslist then the world we live in is a safer place.

P.S. Who can’t find weed on Cape Cod in 2014? I tripped over an eighth walking through a parking lot the other day. Look around you man, everyone has weed.

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Barnstable-Patch – The upcoming Whitey Bulger biopic Black Mass, starring Johnny Depp, is holding an open casting call for extras in Boston this weekend.

According to this flyer from C.P. Casting, the ‘Black Mass’ casting call will take place Saturday, April 12 and Sunday, April 13 from 1 to 6 p.m. at the Boston Teacher’s Union, Carson Place, 180 Mt. Vernon St., Dorchester.

The film will shoot in Boston May 19 through Aug. 1 and the casting call organizers are looking for “men, women and children of all ethnicities – Italian wise guys, Irish tough guys, politicians and people with cars from the 70s and 80s.”

Interested residents are encouraged to bring a recent photo of yourself along. Download a size card at www.CPCasting.com.

Some readers of The Real Cape are destined for this movie. Half of the year round residents look like mobsters and tough guys this time of year. If these people were smart they would go through the list of Cape dive bars and just pluck a few miscreants from each one.

So hold off on cleaning yourself up for summer and show up to this casting call looking like you just endured one of the worst winters in Cape Cod history and I guarantee one of you will land a role in this movie.

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony