I NEED To Know If The U.S. Ice Dancers Have Done The No Pants Dance

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Have they done the horizontal Cha-Cha? Has his hot dog bus pulled into her taco town? Have they smashed genitals? What I’m saying is have these two had sex or what?

Charlie White and Meryl Davis have been skating together since they were little kids. They have been together constantly through the horniest years of their lives. They train together, they travel together, they are COMFORTABLE together. At some point they must have done it out of sheer boredom right?

This is the problem with conventional media, they can’t ask the questions that everybody in the world is simultaneously asking themselves. Hundreds of millions of people all wanting to know one simple little tidbit of information and not one journalist can ask. I did hear Charlie say that their relationship was not a “brother/sister” type relationship at one point. When you translate that from global television sound bite speak into regular guy truth speak? I’m pretty sure it means “Oh yeah, I banged her”.

Not convinced? Tell me this pic isn’t of two people who have engaged in gland to gland combat.

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The looks on their faces, his leg buried in her crotch, the arch of her back, I’m telling you all roads lead to Rome on this one folks.

Here are my odds, and these are adjusted for a 68% chance that Charlie is gay, which I personally don’t think matters as much in this instance as most people do.

  • 77% chance they’ve had sex
  • 84% chance they’ve had oral sex
  • 89% chance he’s given her the shocker
  • 93% chance she’s given him the shocker
  • 95% chance of Skype sex from adjoining hotel rooms
  • 97% chance I will try to “twizzle” before the end of the day
  • 99% chance I caught the gay from over exposure to Johnny Weir

P.S. There is also a 137% chance that Meryl Davis is the love child of Nurse Diesel from High Anxiety and a Sloth.

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

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