Today’s Sign Of The Apocalypse – Peeps Flavored Milk Is Here

TIME – Starting the first week of March, PEEPS milk will be available in three flavors: “Marshmallow Milk,” reduced-fat “Chocolate Marshmallow Milk” and reduced-fat “Easter Egg Nog”— all of which sound more flavorful than regular PEEPs, which generally tend to taste like plain sugar.

So everyone is freaking out about this new Peeps flavored milk. All the articles are about how disgusting it is, everyone is asking how we can add pure sugar and marshmallow to milk and actually drink it. “Only in America” and all that jazz.

Let’s just slow down and think about this for a second. We are worried about how weird it is that anyone would put this in their bodies? We are talking about milk here. Milk is already disgusting. Adult humans drink the secretions of female cows that mother nature designed for the nourishment of calves. I repeat, we drink a fluid that comes from a COW, a fluid that we need to heat in order to remove micro organisms and bacteria to make it safe for human consumption, but yeah, adding Easter candy to it is where we should really draw the line.

No other adult animals drink the milk of another species. When’s the last time you saw a full grown chimpanzee suckling on the teet of a Water Buffalo? So, do me a favor everyone, ease up on passing judgement and getting all offended by Peeps milk until you grow up and take your lips off the cow udders. Okay? Thanks.