A Strongly Worded Letter to “Those” Summer Girls..

I’ve had the pleasure of both meeting and becoming great friends with girls who reside on Cape during the summer months. Most of them are down to earth, come from similar upbringings and have the shared interest of laughing, getting a tan and meeting new people. Taking these lovely women out of the equation, there are also THOSE summer girls that think they’re better than all of us because they have Daddy’s credit card and fancy clothes. This post is for her.

Dear Cunt Nugget,

Welcome to my home. Here, we enjoy things like the sun, sea water, aquatic life, boating, cheeseburgers and flip flops. Just because we like simple things, doesn’t mean we’re simple people.  For starters, we were taught at a very young age that money doesn’t fucking matter. Sure, you need it to feed your family, put a roof over your head and clothes on your back but that’s it. We work to live, we don’t live to work.

When you roll through town in your fancy cars and fast boats, we sit back and question our lives. Not because we’re “jealous” or because we’re “haters” – but because we wonder what life must have been like for someone who grew up thinking you needed to spend money to have fun. Us? We spent our childhood outside organizing manhunt games and playing with sticks. And let me tell you something – I wouldn’t trade it for all the money in the world.

I love watching you troll around our beautiful towns thinking you’re better than us while you have the personality of a clam and the heart of a fucking squid. Sitting back and watching you interact with the guys we’ve known our entire lives that won’t remember your name in the morning is one of my favorites. It’s actually kind of disheartening that you feel the need to throw money around to generate interest when all we have to do is smile and initiate a conversation that doesn’t make him want to kill himself.

Second favorite thing about you? Your go-to conversation starter always somehow ties back to your elaborate winter vacation or fancy job with a 6-figure salary. First off – take a look around, I fucking live where you’re vacationing. Second; anyone who throws a figure out in regards to how much money they make, doesn’t make that much fucking money. Third; no one gives a shit. We came out to get a drink, see our friends and make fun of the circus act that is your life.

I can honestly say that I never cared, understood or thought about price tags until I was old enough to get my license and want a car. Why? Because I was privileged enough to have hard working parents who taught me the importance of work ethic, that family comes first, that a good day is one where the majority of it is spent laughing and that you can’t take money to the grave.

I get so annoyed when people make comments about how “down to earth”, “funny” and “easy to talk to” my friends and I are. I guess it’s a compliment, but not when I take into consideration they only say those things because they’re used to talking to critters like you who bring nothing to the table but an American Express and bad hair.

So to THOSE summer girls, that think it’s cool to “go slumming” and pick up a landscaper from the local bar, or who like to think they have more to offer than us year-rounders: Go home. You’re annoying. And most likely ugly from the inside out. Sorry, babe, but no amount of money can fix that.

Summer people. Some are not.

-GG