Waking up with your head in a fog, just your underwear and one sock on, and of course only one contact in. Sounds like a typical morning for most cape codders in the summer. For this to be the outcome of a night in March it better have been a great night.

We here at The Real Cape sponsored our first concert on the 14th at The Beach House and this was definitely one of those great nights. Mighty Ceej and The Bulife both performed but the night started out with a DJ set by Ceej who got the dance party started right by spinning some old school hip hop jams. After Ceej DJ Minor kept everyones moving with a set of his own.

So with the it early in the night still and already 2 great DJ sets in the book, Ceej hit the stage with Ahlayda. If you have never seen Ceej perform be sure to check him out next time he is in your area. The energy he puts in to his shows reveals the love and passion he has for hip hop music.

On stage next was the guys from the tip of the map – The Bulife. Having never seen these guys perform live , I had no idea what to expect and they didn’t disappoint one bit. The chemistry they have as a group is like family…. oh hold on they are in fact cousins. You can definitely see the love these guys have for hip hop come through in their music and performance.

Things get pretty blurry near the end on the night… but I can tell you this, between the guys in Bulife and Ceej , you don’t get much better all around people than these guys. They all live and breathe the Cape life and this thing I call “Cape Hop”. I wanna thank these guys for coming out and performing and big thanks to Pat and his staff at The Beach House for giving us a place to do our thing.

GET OUT AND SUPPORT LIVE MUSIC!

OK folks I have been going back and forth on whether or not I should post this video. It’s an uplifting story of little people convening at The Sea Crest in North Falmouth, but there is a problem. Something fucking hilarious happens in it. The inherent problem here is that the plight of the little people revolves around being treated just like everyone else, so I feel like if I don’t post it then I am treating them differently. Exactly the opposite of what they want.

So the way I see it I am between a rock and hard place and I have no choice but to post it. I will take shit I’m sure, but I’d be a hypocrite if I didn’t post it so I am going to intentionally fall on my sword on this one. I highly urge you watch the entire thing because it is good insight into the world of little people. That said… if you can make it through the 00:25 to 00:35 second marks without laughing out loud then we are simply two different breeds of people, and if you do laugh out loud then you give up any and all rights to call me an asshole…

Dick pics – yay or nay?

Peeny Paul,

No. Just no. If you send me an unsolicited picture of your genitals I will 100% show it to anyone willing to look and forward that shit to the proper authorities faster than you can send what I’m sure would be an even creepier follow-up text.

Sexting only happens on Lifetime. And even then someone usually ends up committing suicide. 

Keep it in your pants,
GG

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Dear Charles Dickens,

So you are wondering for whom the sext chime tolls? Well there are two distinct types of guys in this world. There are the guys who send dick pics and then there are the guys who don’t have to knock on everyone’s door when they move into a new neighborhood.

It’s quite simple really, just check for a few items in your house. Do you have any leopard print banana hammocks? Do you have a silk robe that only goes 1/8th of the way down your thighs? Do you have more than one type of lotion and or a bottle of Drakkar Noir cologne?

If you answered no to the previous questions then do not send a dick pic under any circumstances. If you answered yes then throw on an extra medium Ed Hardy T-Shirt, download Snapchat, and in between crotch shots make sure to take at least one nice head shot selfie so you look nice on the wall at the Post Office.

-Hippie

FalmouthPatch – Massachusetts lawmakers are considering a bill that would make it illegal for a divorcing spouse to have sex with someone else in his or her marital home.

Senate Bill 787 was filed by State Sen. Richard Ross, R-Wrentham. He also serves as minority whip. Ross said he filed the bill on behalf of a constituent.

The bill reads: “In divorce, separation, or 209A proceedings involving children and a marital home, the party remaining in the home shall not conduct a dating or sexual relationship within the home until a divorce is final and all financial and custody issues are resolved, unless the express permission is granted by the courts.”

Ross said he does not support the bill. “When a constituent requested that I file a free petition on his behalf, I did so,” Ross said in a statement on his Facebook page. “While the proposal is not one that I support, I do support his right to participate in state government.”

There should be a rule that the identity of this “constituent” is public knowledge. If you want to bog down our lawmakers with ridiculous bills proposing that adults would need to get court permission to engage in gland to gland combat, then we should know who you are.

Essentially this could be called the cuckold law. Some dude obviously got booted out of his own house and his wife started getting some strange and doing the no pants dance with him. Probably has some dude wearing his bathrobe and eating his Wheaties right now.

I guarantee that if he needed to expose his identity to do this he’d be way too embarrassed to file this dumb ass petition in the first place and we could have all saved a bunch of time. Get over it pal, if you need the courts to keep your wife from plowing other dudes in your bed then it’s time to pack it in and turn in your man card.

So after the first weekend we’ve had a little shake up in the standings. Here is where we are as of now… The beautiful Katie Meyer is back in the lead with 50 points. The illustrious Pat Maddigan is in second with 45 and then we’ve got Smoked Salmon, Ham Sandwich, Insane Tony and Harbor09 all tied up with 43 points. Everyone else is still within striking distance. (click names to see their brackets).

As you all know the later rounds are when the wheat gets separated from the chaff, so it’s still anybody’s ball game. Prizes are as follows:

1. $200
2. $40
3. Entry Fee

CapeCodToday.com – On this day in 1923, two burglars suspected of robbing a general store in Harwich fled the Cape by train from Buzzards Bay after colliding with a truck outside Sandwich.

The unidentified thieves “lost their loot” in the collision, according to the Associated Press, “abandoned their automobile, walked and ran seven miles to the Buzzards Bay railroad station, boarded a train for Boston, parried the questions of a policeman at Brockton and then jumped from the train at Montello and Avon.”

But in their haste to flee, the two men left behind their “booty,” which included “jewelry of moderate value and a miscellaneous collection of the more expensive things kept in a general store,” the AP reported.

After the suspected thieves boarded a train in Buzzards Bay, police sent word ahead to Middleboro and Brockton. A policeman boarded the train in Brockton and questioned the men, “whom he recognized by the muddy condition of their clothing,” according to the AP.

This is for all the people who email us every time we run a story about how dumb Cape Cod criminals are to tell us how it’s wrong to make fun of them and how there is an epidemic etc. etc.

This crap has been going on forever, these dumb asses robbed a store in 1923, crashed their truck and tried to get away on a train? Do you know how much of an idiot you have to be to think you can escape on a train? The one advantage you have that actually matters in a getaway is that the people chasing you don’t know where you are going. Getting on a train removes every single shred of mystery from that equation. There is literally only one place you can go… the next stop.

The point here is that this story could just as easily be about yesterday instead of 1923. It’s funny because it’s old, but if it happened yesterday I’d get 327 emails about how these are good kids and they are just in a bad place. Yeah well, good or no they still did something stupid and it’s funny. If we stop making fun of people when they do stupid things then people will keep doing stupid things. Also, life doesn’t cease to be funny in serious times any less than it ceases to be serious during times of laughter.

P.S. I bet I still get at least one email from one of these guys great-great-grandkids calling me an asshole for slandering them.