Nantucket Is The Fastest Growing County In The State – Dukes County Is #2

ACK – Nantucket was the fastest-growing county in the state last year, increasing its population 2.7 percent or 288 residents from 10,568 to 10,856 between July 2013 and July 2014, according to estimates released yesterday by the U.S. Census Bureau.

Dukes County – the six towns of Martha’s Vineyard – was the second-fastest-growing county in the state, adding 166 new residents, a .96 percent increase, according to the Census estimates.

Some people may find this surprising but I, for one, am not shocked in the least. Have you seen what Nantucket looked like the last few months? It’s been a frozen tundra surrounded by ice, the place looked like Greenland for a while there. There’s only two things to do on Nantucket when the weather is that bad, go to The Chicken Box, or smash genitals, and one of those leads to the other 97% of the time.

It wouldn’t surprise me if the entire island is like the Roman coliseum, but instead of gladiators fighting lions and shit it’s just a bunch of people running around in pastels and boat shoes engaging in gland to gland combat, just humping anything that moves. If we have any more winters like the last few we’ve had, Nantucket will probably need to build high rise dorms like UMASS Amherst for all the winter Whaler babies.

P.S. Just look at the dude on that postcard, some sea hag just did so many unspeakable things to him that he’s smoking his pipe upside down.