CapeCodOnline.com – EASTHAM — Trace amounts of a probable human carcinogen have been detected in the Eastham Elementary School well, prompting the Nauset Public Schools to provide bottled water to students when they return from vacation.
The level of the compound 1,4-dioxane found in the school well is way below the maximum safety standard, school Principal Scotti Finnegan explained at a Wednesday meeting at the school for parents.
The tests on the school well on Feb. 11 revealed 0.08 and 0.09 parts per billion. The safety standard used by the town is 0.3 parts per billion. So far, the town has provided 30 properties in Eastham with bottled water because their wells had 1,4-dioxane levels above 0.3 parts per billion.
The contaminant is believed to be coming from a plume from the town landfill, which is surrounded by homes and the elementary school.
The bottom line here is that if you’re gonna be a pussy about it then you simply can’t drink water that comes out of the ground anywhere on Cape Cod. We live on a sandbar folks and it is saturated with Otis jet fuel, human feces nitrates, landfill plumes and god knows what else. Sand can’t hold liquids, there are going to be trace amounts of crap in the water here all the time.
If you want to raise kids that have the immune systems of bubble boy then by all means send them to school with a bottle of Evian. But if you want a kid that doesn’t get sick every eight seconds then keep them on that town shit. Everyone knows what vaccines are right? They give you a small amount of the disease to build up an immunity to it. Well guess what, I’ve drank so much town water that I am 100% immune to toxic waste at this point. I’ve basically got an elaborate system of copper pipes for a digestive tract.
Not to mention raising your kids on town water will prepare them for an American life of poisoning themselves. Get those insides coated with Teflon now in preparation for when they inevitably start chugging 64 oz. Big Gulps after school. If your body can handle 1,4-dioxane then chances are a little aspartame isn’t going to kill you.
Don’t anyone forward this post to Jenny McCarthy though, she’ll probably write a book about how drinking water on Cape Cod turns kids into puddles of F-15 fuel.
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