CL – QUICK! Is is ok to use a large ziploc baggie as a condom? (Cape Cod)

I’m trying to convince her it’s ok…she’s not having it…what should i say…I’ve tried everything

Come on man, what the hell kind of question is this? Of course you can’t use a large Ziploc bag as a condom. This type of misinformation is exactly how unwanted pregnancies happen. What is sex ed coming to these days, where are the parents?

Everyone knows that Hefty Slider Click Lock Freezer Bags are the only style you can use as a prophylactic.

P.S. You’ve “tried everything”? Anyone care to speculate as to what type of genius ideas this kid exhausted on a journey that ended with trying to use Ziploc bags as condoms?

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

NECN – Experts say at least four great white sharks were spotted just off Cape Cod on Monday.

The Atlantic White Shark Conservancy says the sharks were spotted around Shark Cove in Chatham, Massachusetts by spotter pilot Wayne Davis.

The sharks were in deep water, which created a challenge for Dr. Greg Skomal to get GoPro footage for a population study, according to the conservancy.

I think I might be having a change of heart when it comes to sharks. Having seen what a total crock of shit Shark Week was on Discovery I am just not as scared as I was before. They had an entire year to come up with some shocking footage of bad ass shark stuff and they ended up with 75% fake crap that they called fictional documentaries.

What on earth is a “fictional documentary”? That has to be the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Documenting something that didn’t happen is like playing Quidditch for real. It might be slightly entertaining to a total nerd, but it’s still just trying to base reality on fantasy.

So the bottom line here is I’m starting to think Great Whites might be overrated. Four of them were out there all day yesterday and didn’t snack on one person? After all those posts about how we should all get out of the water can I at least get a leg bite? These sharks are making me look foolish with all this swimming around harmlessly crap. Fuck this, I’m going swimming in a seal suit doused in walrus piss cologne just to prove myself right, these sharks need to stop being such pussies.

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WL – “Here we come U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service,” Selectman Sean Summers said after the board approved hiring consultants to protect the town’s historical rights.

And “we” is appropriate as officials are asking town meeting to fund three, maybe four, firms at a cost of $300,000 to develop scientific and legal arguments showing that current fishing practices in the Monomoy National Wildlife Refuge and the current border of the refuge need to remain as is. The new draft comprehensive conservation plans put out by refuge staff this spring all curtail some forms of fishing – including mussel harvesting – and also expand the refuge to include 771 acres that is now South Beach.

Maybe this is just what Cape Cod needs in order to start really fighting for change. Maybe the local Cape Cod Fun Police and we, the silent majority who want them stopped, just needed a common enemy. What better enemy than the Feds? They already have most of us pissed about The Piping Plover catastrophe, The National Seashore is a shitty neighbor, and now they want to take 771 acres that includes one of OUR beaches.

This might be a galvanizing moment for us normal people and the local Fun Police to join forces and work together. It’s sort of like that friend you’ve had since you were a kid. You and all of your friends make fun of him, but if anyone outside of your circle does it, you all immediately protect him. Sure, he’s a tool, but he’s your tool.

Well that outsider is The U.S. Fish and Wildlife service and our circle is Cape Cod. It will be interesting to see how this fight pans out. The one thing I do know is that if you are from The Cape and you side with the Feds on this, then you can get the fuck off our peninsula because we protect our own, tools or not.

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Wikipedia – Trainor was born in Nantucket, Massachusetts on December 22, 1993. She grew up in Nantucket with a musical family. She has been writing songs since she was 11 years old. When Trainor was 13, her parents bought her a computer so she could produce songs. The family later moved to Cape Cod, Massachusetts so Trainor and her two brothers could attend Nauset Regional High School in nearby North Eastham, Massachusetts.

So I read about this at Barstool the other day, but they only mentioned the born on Nantucket thing so I kinda wrote it off. I assumed she was probably the kid of some rich music mogul who spends 8 minutes a year on the island. To tell you the truth I was much more shocked that she was white than I was that she was born on Nantucket.

So for some reason the story stuck in my head and I decided to Google her today. It turns out she legit lived on Nantucket and then moved to The Cape and went to Nauset High School. So now we have a white girl from Cape Cod singing a song about having junk in her trunk, always pronouncing the “th” sound as “da” (ie: ‘dat, ‘da), all while calling out the fashion industry and “skinny bitches”.

I for one could not be more confused and proud at the same time. Cape Cod doing big things by sending a curvy white girl into the world with the soul of a sista’ from the Caribbean? Count me in and chalk me up as a Meghan Trainor fan for life.

P.S. Born in 1993. Here we were thinking we are all Cape cool with our few hundred thousands readers a month and along comes a 20 year old Cape Codder with over 20 million YouTube views and the #4 song in the country to make us feel old as shit, and knock us down a few pegs.

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BarstoolSports.com – The president appreciates Mrs. Kennedy for thinking of him for the challenge, but his contribution to the effort will be monetary. The president will be making a donation to an ALS charity this week.

Listen, you can say whatever you want about this ice bucket challenge thing but you have to admit that it is pretty cool that a guy from Massachusetts started this whole thing and it has made it all the way to getting a response from The White House. I admit I was skeptical when it all started that it wasn’t another KONY 2012 thing and it was just people being couch activists but the numbers don’t lie.

Say what you will about Obama as well, but this is really the only response he could have. You just can’t have a sitting president of The United States dumping water on his head. Vacation or no vacation the rest of the world can’t see our president succumbing to internet trends. Not to mention, who wants to see Obama in a wet T-Shirt contest? (He’s no Feitelberg that’s for sure)

Now I think we need a Kennedy to challenge Gisele (or Tom for the ladies) and we are really getting somewhere. Good on you Pete, but next time the challenge should specify a no bra rule.

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CapeNews.net – Geoff Spillane – Stop & Shop has proposed building a small network of roads on a swath of undeveloped land that it owns abutting the Bourne Rotary, affording drivers the opportunity to bypass the rotary altogether.

The roads would be built off MacArthur Boulevard, just east of the rotary, on the former proposed site of Canalside Commons. The supermarket chain, under the name of Rotary Development LLC, bought the 152-acre site last October but has yet to say how the rest of the property will be developed.

Listen, we love progress as much as anyone, but this seems like a completely awful idea. You are taking what is literally the busiest one mile stretch of road on Cape Cod, a section that is already a complete clusterfuck, and you are adding five points of entry and exit as well as a traffic light? Oh and also construct a giant retail operation that will attract even more cars to a section of highway that is already a parking lot in the summer? Fuck. That. Shit.

Take a close look at that map. Did you notice that if you want to leave Stop and Shop and go south on 28 that you need to go up to Sandwich Road and then back down through the rotary? That is fucking bananas, how can that possibly help the situation? Not to mention, they still have no idea what else they are going to use the rest of the land for? Throw in a Lowe’s or a Bed Bath and Beyond and the only possible way to get anywhere near the Bourne Bridge from the Cape side will be to lower your car from a fucking helicopter.

I have a great idea, how about we reject this on the grounds that it makes no sense whatsoever to add congestion to the single most congested place on Cape Cod, open up Nauset Spit, and turn this 152 acres into a Piping Plover sanctuary. Win for everyone. Thank me later.

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Post by Maxwell Kennedy.

You’d think the Kennedys would have enough money to donate instead of dumping the ice buckets on their heads, but to each their own. I like the move by Ethel calling out Obama with the “Welcome to Cape Cod”. Just goes to show that the coolest Kennedy’s are still the originals.

P.S. Hey Maxwell, easy on the name dropping dude, we get it, you’re a Kennedy.

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony