Capecodonline.com – Chatham voters quickly raised $300,000 to fight the U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service’s draft comprehensive management plan, which claims ownership of 717 acres of South Beach, during a special town meeting tonight.

The selectmen and the Finance Committee both recommended raising $300,000 to fund the town’s response to the U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service’s management plan for the Monomoy National Wildlife Refuge. The voters agreed with the elected officials Monday without a single question or a word of debate.

The town has hired consultants and lawyers to represent its point of view in what has become a battle over Fish & Wildlife’s assertions in the draft plan that it owns 717 acres of South Beach. The town also wants to counter claims by the service that the federal agency can regulate who fishes, with what gear and what they can fish for within park boundaries, including the waters off its shoreline.

Did you hear that Feds? Not a single question or word of debate, no more talkie talkie. Chatham voters sensed a clear and present danger, just rolled up its sleeves and is ready to go 12 rounds. You think you can just take 717 acres of beach from the people and not be in for a fight?

This could be the moment the pendulum starts swinging the other way folks. Things have gone a little past ridiculous around here as of late. We are tired of being told that birds are more important than humans. We are tired of being told we can’t use our beaches. We are tired of being told where we can fish and what gear we can use.

For decades they having been taking more and more away from us. Well it’s time we start taking back. People of The Cape unite! Today we are all Chathamites! (Chathamanians?) A unified Cape Cod will not be defeated by bug counters! TAKE BACK CAPE COD!

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Full story at HyannisNews.com

Well that should do it right? Once the powers that be see this video and hear this gentleman’s concise and eloquent argument, they will have no choice but to put an end to all civil and human rights violations immediately. This is democracy in action folks, some people sit on their asses waiting for change, some people wander aimlessly and scream incoherently at nobody in particular while foaming at the mouth to force change.

Leaders aren’t born folks, they are made… apparently by taking bad acid in Hyannis.

P.S. Democracy now!

P.P.S. Best moment is at 1:12 when he says to the second officer, “I thought we talked to that issue… I was… nevermind.”

Nevermind indeed my friend, nevermind indeed.

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uscgnews – An off-duty Coast Guardsman assigned to Coast Guard Station Chatham in Chatham, Mass., responded to six distressed mariners in the water near Jones Inlet, N.Y., today.

Coast Guard Sector Long Island Sound Command Center was notified at approximately 5:20 p.m., via VHF Channel 16, saying that a 38-foot pleasure craft was tipped over with the motor still running and six mariners in the water just south of the Greenport Ferry North Terminal.

Petty Officer 3rd Class Patrick O’Halloran, 27, a boatswain’s mate at Station Chatham, was nearby on a private vessel and was the first on scene at 5:24 p.m., to assist the mariners out of the water.

“I’ve been in the Coast Guard for three years and it was unreal watching this happen in front of me,” said O’Halloran. “I realized I needed to make sure they were safe and that the boat was away. Once I saw they were okay, I made my approach and pulled them out of the water.”

Oh no biggie, just Cape Cod saving lives by the half dozen. Our Coasties are so bad ass that they keep the waters safe in other states. Just Cape Cod doing Cape Cod things right in New York’s face.

 

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Today, on the 10th of September, in the year of our lord two thousand and fourteen, The Glitter Ginger made history with a landmark blog post in which she called me out and contradicted my stance on sharks. I am, for the sake of sanity, not going to point out the fact that I’ve labeled my fear “irrational”, and reached new levels of hyperbole on the subject as a tongue in cheek parody of the current media fueled frenzy. I am going to put on my rose colored glasses and assume that our readers understand and appreciate the satirical aspect of my position.

With that said, I am now going to defend my fictional stance with intense fervor! Nobody, and I mean nobody, questions my fake stance on a non issue on my own website!

I’m sorry to have to do this to you GG, but your argument, while quite possibly correct, was delivered with completely flawed logic that renders it moot. The thing about statistics is that 78% of them are wrong 89% of the time.

Fact: Statistics kill more people per year than atom bombs!

I’m going to break this right down to the lowest common denominator. It will be short and sweet, and it will dismantle this “less dangerous than” argument with impunity.

The Glitter Ginger uses three references in her argument. She states that the following things are more dangerous to humans than sharks;

1. Coconuts
2. Hot dogs
3. Vending machines

That’s a random enough list to lead us to believe that SHE may have been hit in the head by a falling coconut while she was in California.

Here is the problem. Notice something that all three of those have in common? They are all on land. Where do humans live? Land. Where do sharks live? Water. Think about how skewed these comparisons are for a second. Of the 7 billion people on earth, how many minutes, collectively, do you think they spend in the water on a daily basis? How much time on land? Now multiply those two numbers by 365 days per year and we are talking about an ASTRONOMICAL difference in the time humans spend on land and the time they spend in water. Of course the percentages are WAY off.

Fact: Vending machines don’t have 5-7 rows of 50 teeth.

So, sorry to bring logic into the argument here, but saying that you have more of a chance of being killed by a vending machine than a shark is no different than saying you have a higher chance of choking on a sausage in Chicago than on the moon. No shit, but the latter statement means totally different things to you depending on whether you are Mike Ditka or an astronaut. I’m neither, but I do live on a peninsula surrounded by sharks.

Fact: Hot dogs can’t swim 25 miles per hour.

Thanks a lot Glitter Ginger, your post did nothing to quell my fear of sharks, but now I’m scared shitless of three new things that I used to think were my friends.

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Capecodonline.com – West Nile virus has been detected in a mosquito collected this month in Falmouth, according to a posting on the website of the Massachusetts Department of Health. The Falmouth Health Department has posted a West Nile virus notice online stating that the mosquito was collected at a sampling site in the area of Woods Hole Road in early September.

According to the online post, the area around the sampling site has been treated by personnel from the Cape Cod Mosquito Control Project. According to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), “West Nile virus is an arthropod-borne virus (arbovirus) most commonly spread by infected mosquitoes. West Nile virus can cause febrile illness, encephalitis (inflammation of the brain) or meningitis (inflammation of the lining of the brain and spinal cord).”

Falmouth coming in hot lately! The governor might as well declare a state of emergency and send in The National Guard at this point.

Like we don’t have enough problems on this peninsula. We’re surrounded by sharks, drugs are everywhere, Ticks have some new disease worse than Lyme, people are getting murdered in alleys, and now we add West Nile to the list? How the hell did a mosquito get all the way here from Africa anyway? Did he hitch a ride on that doctor that just got shipped back full of Ebola?

I’m not sure how I’m going to get it in the budget, but it looks like I need to amend my request to put a giant shark net around The Cape to include a giant mosquito net as well. On the plus side, I’ve been thinking lately that I need a new style hat to wear. I am officially declaring that these things are in now…

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You simply can’t get any more Masshole than this chick. Absolutely hilarious. Unfortunately for us, once the “interlopers” have the house in Lexington, Teva’s, and a kid when they’re 50, they buy a summer house on The Cape.

Gotta love the puffs of smoke…

thanks to Laura for the tip

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Capecodonline.com – A West Barnstable man was arraigned Thursday in Barnstable District Court on charges he broke into a Hyannis apartment while naked and attacked the resident with a broomstick.

Isiah Cunningham, 21, pleaded not guilty to breaking and entering in the nighttime to commit a felony, open and gross lewdness, assault and battery with a dangerous weapon and vandalizing property.

At around 3 a.m. Thursday, police responded to an apartment on Route 132 for a report of a fight, according to a Barnstable Police Department report.

The male victim, who had fled the apartment, told police he had been watching TV on the first floor when he suddenly saw a naked man, later identified as Cunningham, standing in his living room, according to the report. The victim told police he recognized Cunningham as someone he had gone to school with but not someone he hangs out with, the report says.

Cunningham allegedly punched the victim, threw him against a bookshelf and then hit him with a broomstick, according to the report.

During the attack, Cunningham repeatedly yelled, “Where is Erin? Tell me where Erin is,” the report says.
When police entered the apartment, another male resident told police he had been sleeping in his bedroom when he awoke to Cunningham looking around his dresser, according to the report.

Cunningham allegedly said that he was not there to hurt him and that he was looking for Erin before leaving through the back door, the report says.

Police found Cunningham, still naked, running around the parking lot of the apartment complex, according to the report.

Cunningham told police he had been drinking all evening, the report says.

I think it’s safe to say that summer is officially over and the townies have come out of hibernation. I always get excited about a new season of crazy Cape Cod criminals and this one is starting with a bang. One week into the off season and we’ve had a girl with drugs in her anus, clown pranks gone bad, and now a good old fashioned naked delusional guy broomstick attack.

There are a few hidden gems in this report. One that stands out is naked guy telling the second dude that he wasn’t there to hurt him just minutes after he Babe Ruth’d his roommate with a broomstick. Thanks for the re assurance naked guy, but I think I’ll keep my distance in case you decide to play Quidditch with MY face too.

As outlandish as naked guys post beat down claim of pacifism was, it pales in comparison to when he tells the cops he’d been drinking all night. Oh really? When we saw you running around the parking lot naked with a bloody broomstick we figured you were of sound mind and body. Thanks Captain Obvious.

The real meat of this story is obvious though. I have never in my life needed to know anything more than I need to know who Erin is. Somebody find me this Erin right now. I NEED to know who she is and what she looks like or I won’t sleep!

thanks to Jules for the tip

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