Smoking Gun – A football fan with a Tom Brady helmet tattooed across his head is locked up in a Florida jail following his arrest on a narcotics charge.

St. Petersburg cops last month busted Victor Thompson, 46, for possession of Spice, the synthetic marijuana. Thompson allowed police to search his pockets after he was spotted trespassing outside a community center.

When questioned by police, Thompson said that he purchased the “Master Kush” Spice “from a black male for $15” at a downtown park, according to a police report. Thompson reportedly told cops that he did not know Spice was illegal in Florida, claiming that it was “still legal in New Hampshire,” his home state.

Yeah this happened in Florida. Where else could it possibly happen? I realize it’s out of my jurisdiction but I just couldn’t let it pass us by.

If you have those crazy eyes and that ridiculous tattoo, you can’t be caught with fake pot. Fake pot is for a kid on the JV hockey team to get caught with on the bus to an away game. You have to give that shit up as soon as you leave the tattoo parlor and head straight to a meth lab.

What the hell is gonna happen to this guy once his jail mates find out what he’s in for? All of that lunatic credibility he so carefully crafted just gone in an instant. If this article said he was caught with any class A substance I would have cleared my cookies, closed my laptop and stayed offline for 3 days. Once I read it was fake marijuana the guy didn’t scare me one bit, fake pot is for pussies, everyone knows that. Get your demented act together bro.

P.S. The Riddell logo below the hairline takes a psychotic tattoo and makes it 100 times more  maniacal.

thanks to chris m. for the tip

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

CapeCodOnline.com – A day after Ebola claimed its first victim on American soil, local hospital officials announced they have updated plans to identify and contain the rare but deadly virus on the chance it shows up on Cape Cod.

Patients arriving at the emergency centers at Cape Cod and Falmouth hospitals with Ebolalike symptoms — including fever, body aches, diarrhea and vomiting — will be asked if they have recently traveled to countries in West Africa where the virus has been rampaging, Cape Cod Healthcare officials said in a notice sent out to employees and associates on Thursday.

In cases where Ebola is suspected, the patient will be treated in special isolation rooms in the hospital’s emergency center and evaluated by an infectious disease physician in consultation with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the notice says.

I can’t for the life of me figure out why everyone is so worried about Ebola. We went through another “epidemic” scare not too long ago, doesn’t everyone remember AIDS? That shit was supposed to wipe out half the population but we kicked its ass. We can easily do the same thing with this “epidemic” and I’ll tell you how.

We just have to give Ebola to Magic Johnson. I mean AIDS was absolutely tearing through people like wildfire when Magic got it and then… crickets. My man dominated the disease to the point where he was still playing professional basketball in the NBA after being infected. Before him anyone that was HIV+ shriveled up and died in like a week. Magic got that shit and not only did he live, he made the god damn All-Star team.

It’s such an easy solution I can’t believe anyone else hasn’t thought of it. Inject Magic with some Ebola, he’ll piss out the vaccine, buy a couple hundred more Starbucks and be in bed by 9, problem solved.

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HyannisNews.com – Witnesses described it as a wild chase that lasted nearly two minutes, with multiple cars speeding around in circles in a popular HyTown parking lot.

One witness even had time to move her car up onto her store’s sidewalk in order to prevent it from being hit. Suddenly the chase ended in a loud crash. One detective’s SUV was struck. Another police SUV was rammed against the side of the suspect vehicle…

The suspects were now pinned in, surrounded by numerous police units. Detectives and uniformed officers rushed the vehicle and took the feisty female driver into custody. At the same time, police latched onto their prime bank robbery suspect. The female suspect reportedly put up a fight as officers brought her to the pavement, cuffing her after a brief struggle. Both suspects were eventually secured in cruisers, but not without protesting all the way…

According to Barnstable Police Lieutenant John Murphy, the passenger was Shaina “Shay-Lo” Lopes, and she will be charged with the bank robbery which occurred at the TD Bank on Main Street earlier in the day.

Shay-Lo was also the suspect in another earlier crime which took place near the McDonald’s Restaurant on North Street this afternoon. Lopes was wanted for larceny from a person after allegedly reaching in through a window and grabbing a woman’s purse and other belongings.

Shay Lo strikes again! A few months ago we wrote about her escaping from the back of a cruiser and getting away from police… while in handcuffs. Apparently that feat wasn’t quite enough excitement for her so she decided to outdo it by about a mile.

Yesterday she snatched a ladies purse through her car window, robbed a bank, led police on a car chase, crashed into a police department SUV and then tried to take on half the force mano a mano. This chick is no joke folks, I’m pretty sure I’d rather have Katharine the shark after me than Shay Lo.

P.S. The police officers must love risking their lives chasing Shay Lo once every few months. Maybe the judge should make her bail a little higher this time?

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

Would you look at that, I was checking out our Facebook fan demographics and found out that we’ve got fans that are pirates. Given the change of the Cape’s demographics in the last few hundred years I really would have thought we’d have more Brazilian fans than swashbucklers but hey, a fan is a fan.

Anyway, this gave me an idea. As most of you know by now I’ve got a shark after me, so if any of you pirates are willing to help a brother out by hunting it down and killing it for me could you drop me a line? I may not be able to pay as much booty as you normally make pillaging but it would be much appreciated.

P.S. Does anyone know if GoFundMe has a “Raise money to pay a pirate to hunt and kill the shark that is stalking me” category? Maybe Kickstarter?

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WL – Richard Reinhard has declined the Provincetown town manager position after several rounds of contract negotiations.

Reinhard informed the selectmen by phone and email Tuesday night that he is withdrawing from consideration for the job, citing Provincetown’s high cost of living and a lack of year-round career opportunities for his family.

“In visiting Provincetown, I developed a better understanding that the town’s resources would not allow me to be compensated in a way that I had anticipated. I also became acutely aware of the high housing prices in the town,” Reinhard wrote in an email addressed to the selectmen, obtained by the Banner.

The maximum salary for the town manager position was cut from $149,000 to $120,000 by Provincetown voters at the 2014 Annual Town Meeting.

“In the end, I think it was the housing issues and the opportunities for his family. I’m not sure the salary was even preeminent anymore.”

Reinhard’s husband, who works for a housing agency in Maryland, made his first trip to Provincetown over the weekend to beginning looking for housing.

However, Provincetown’s expensive real estate market quickly disillusioned Reinhard and his husband to the prospect of relocating, according to multiple sources.

You don’t have to be a genius to read between the lines and see what really happened here. It’s quite obvious who wears the pants in the Reinhard marriage. Save the soliloquy about how expensive P-Town is Richard. The application process for town manager is a long one, you had plenty of time to look into the cost of living. We can all plainly see that what really happened is your husband got into town, came face to face with the reality of Provincetown in the off season, and was like “Uh uh, heeelllll no!” We see who the boss is, no need to make up stories about housing costs.

You have to feel for the guy though, we all get dominated by our spouses sometimes. It’s just a little more embarrassing after you’ve accepted a powerful public job, you’re already in contract negotiations, and then along comes the hubby grabbing you by the scruff of the neck and dragging you back to Maryland with your tail between your legs at the last minute. The next thing you know the story is all over the internet and your status as the exclusive bottom is exposed to the world. (not that there’s anything wrong with that)

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That’s it my bags are packed and sitting by the front door. What the hell could she possibly be doing this far inland again besides looking for someone? Look at how freaking close she is to these houses, she’s definitely looking in the windows…

For all of you that are saying it’s impossible for a shark to stalk a person that is on land? Yeah well sharks aren’t supposed to have Twitter accounts with 16.9K followers either, but this one does. I’m telling you this is no normal shark…

 

Misunderstood my ass, I’m on to you Katharine!

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CapeCodOnline.com – When Eric Betzig needed to put a hand-built, super-high-resolution microscope through its paces, he brought it to a place where he could find the brightest biologists in the nation for the test drive: the Marine Biological Laboratory.

“It’s the place to be in the summer,” he said. “Just about anyone who’s anyone in biology, all working in one spot, working ridiculous hours and a bunch of great students willing to try anything — it’s a great proving ground.”

On Tuesday, Betzig was one of three scientists awarded a Nobel Prize in chemistry, all of whom worked to allow optical microscopes to observe individual molecules at a resolution far higher than once thought possible. Also winning were Stefan W. Hell of the Max Planck Institute for Biophysical Chemistry and William E. Moerner of Stanford University.

Hell yeah! Everyone knows that if you want to observe individual molecules you better get your ass to Cape Cod! We observe the shit out of individual molecules!

I don’t know about you but I haven’t observed multiple molecules at once in years, that’s poor people shit. It must suck to only be able to observe dozens of molecules at a time. I really feel bad for the rest of the world sometimes, they’ll just never understand the Cape Cod quality of life.

Cape Cod, come for the beaches, stay to observe individual molecules!

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony