CapeCod.com – Heritage Museums and Gardens began work on their new zipline attraction over the past couple of weeks, and opponents of the project say they plan to file a complaint.

Carlo DiPersio says he plans to file the complaint with the Sandwich Building Inspector. The building inspector was the one who originally issued a building permit for the project.

At a hearing on the appeal two weeks ago, members of the zoning board voted unanimously to uphold the building inspector’s decision to issue the permit.

DiPersio says in addition to filing the complaint with the building inspector. “And if he doesn’t do anything about it, we’re going to the clerk magistrate,” he said.

He says he is not against a zipline in the Town of Sandwich but he feels the Heritage Museums and Gardens is the wrong place for it.

“Put it out on the “Golden Triangle” where they’re going to do the athletic stuff for the kids. Put it where it belongs. I’ll bring my grandchildren to it. But don’t put it across the street from Heritage Plantation, which is a beautiful place,” he said.

Who on earth does this guy think he is? “Don’t put it there, put it here, blah, blah, blah…” What fucking planet do you have to be on to think that you are so important that you can dictate what people do with their own property? The building inspector awarded them a permit, the zoning board of appeals UNANIMOUSLY upheld it. It’s time to find something new to hate.

I don’t even know if it’s more insane that he thinks he should be able to stop Heritage Gardens from doing what they want with their land, or if it’s more insane that he somehow thinks that he can tell the owners of the Golden Triangle that it should be on their property without even asking them if they would even want it there. I mean am I taking crazy pills? Let’s build it on the moon! that way it’s not in anyone’s yard!

Imagine if you were building a shed in your yard and your neighbor came over and said he didn’t like it there and told you to move it down the street to someone else’s house? Without even asking the people if they want a shed in their yard? Absolute tapioca pudding crazy sauce shit from this dude.

P.S. I would love to see the look on the clerk magistrate’s face when this guy rolls in to the office bitching about tree forts.

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WCAI – The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration is shutting down cod fishing, from Provincetown up to the Canadian border. No fishermen – commercial or recreational – may trawl or use certain large nets that might catch cod.

Federal regulators are imposing the emergency fishing restrictions in response to plummeting numbers of cod in the Gulf of Maine. The measures will go into effect on Thursday and will prevent commercial fishermen from targeting cod.

I guess we could just legally change the name to “The Cape”? At least that would end the debate of whether or not to capitalize the T. Or maybe we should go with something scary like Cape Fear has? Maybe Cape Rape in honor of what we did to the animal we were originally named for?

Maybe we should go with something that we are known for now? How about Cape Old People? Maybe Cape Drugs? Too negative? Cape Dogfish? Cape Seals?

How about Cape Awesome Sauce? The Cape formerly known as Cod? Maybe this…

Oh, I don’t know… this is too hard. You guys decide.

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CBS – If it’s called the girls’ field hockey team, then why is there a boy on the field? That’s what some parents were asking as they watched Dennis-Yarmouth face off against Acton-Boxboro Tuesday with goalie Max Allen protecting the DY goal net.

“Look at him lined up with everybody else. I mean, there’s such a physical difference,” said Maura Champigny watching her daughter’s team face Allen. “Having a boy in a field hockey net somehow doesn’t sit well.”

Oh come on man, why do you have to do this do the rest of us? Like guys don’t have enough to worry about, now we have to figure out a way to talk about a dude on a field hockey team and not end up sleeping on the couch tonight? Very selfish bro. You switched teams in more ways than one.

What am I supposed to do though, not write about this? No chance, so here goes nothing…

I’m sure this will inevitably break down into an argument about gender roles and how society created and perpetuates them. Bullshit. Society didn’t create gender roles, science and nature did. There were gender roles way before there was a modern society. Lions have gender roles and last I checked they don’t have television.

The bottom line here is that if you think boys should be able to play athletic sports with girls then you need to be OK with it at every level. Would you be OK with a man beating the shit out of a woman in a boxing ring?

Sorry, but when it comes to physicality men and women are simply not on the same playing field. Ignoring those differences is akin to burying our heads in the sand, which doesn’t solve any of the real problems we have with sexism, and it certainly doesn’t get us any closer to actual equality, just deeper into denial.

So this kid wants to play field hockey? Well guess what? We don’t all get to do what we want. Midgets would love to ride a roller coaster every once in a while. Girls would like to pee off the side of a moving boat. I’d be interested to know what it’s like to carry a human egg to maturity inside of me for 9 months, but I can’t. Why? BECA– USE I’M NOT A WOMAN.

Lastly, to his coach who says he’s “the same as everyone else on the team” and all of you ladies who are about to comment saying you think it’s cute and endearing the way he is challenging the status quo, let me ask you this. If your daughter was on that team, would you be cool with him showering with her after the game? How about sleeping over in her bed this weekend? No? But… we are all the same…

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We’ve been working hard with a nationally known perfumer on this composition for months and it is our pleasure to finally announce its arrival.

Made from a delicate blend of Bud Light concentrate, authentic hooded sweatshirt stain extract, and striped bass semen, Cape Cod Cologne is for the least discerning of men. It’s for the type of man who needs to buy a new Van Heusen shirt at T.J. Maxx on the morning of every wedding and funeral he attends.

Cape Cod Cologne is approved by 9 out of 10 women who drink Fireball and is guaranteed to make you act like a sarcastic douchebag around your friends. Stop scratching your beard, get your hand out of your pants and get yourself a bottle today!

Sold exclusively at liquor stores and gas stations. May cause dizziness, vertigo, and unprotected sex with sea hags followed by memory loss.

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“Linguica… the beach… work… drinking… getting high… all the food you wanted, all the booze you wanted, all the sex you wanted, and yet you were still an essential part of the economy.”

I’m not even going to add anything here. You wouldn’t paint over the Mona Lisa would you?

thanks to Tom L. for the tip

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Vineyard Gazette – The storm that slammed the Island in early November cancelled ferry trips and eroded beaches on Chappaquiddick. It also unearthed a mystery.

Pieces of what appears to be a 19th-century shipwreck were exposed on East Beach at Cape Pogue, said Chris Kennedy, Vineyard superintendent for the Trustees of Reservations.

Iron pegs that once attached wood planks to the ribs of the wooden ship are visible in neat rows on the beach opposite Shear Pen Pond, Mr. Kennedy said. They were unearthed by the northeaster that hit the beach the first weekend of November.

This is not the first time the shipwreck has been exposed, Mr. Kennedy said. “I guess I’ve seen it maybe five times in the last 26 years. It obviously has been there for a long, long time.

Mr. Kennedy said that southwestern winds will bring sand back to the beach and eventually the pieces of the shipwreck will be buried again by a foot or two of sand. “By next summer you wouldn’t even know it’s there,” he said, and people will set up on the beach with blankets. Little do they know, he said, “they’re sitting right on top of an old, old shipwreck.”

The Trustees announced the discovery on Facebook and invited people to come see the wreck, but asked visitors not to disturb the site.

Don’t disturb the site? Dude, how many times are you going to leave the rusty metal rods sticking up all over the beach? Sure people might not realize they are sitting on top of an old shipwreck, but you know what else they don’t realize? That they’re sitting on top of a tetanus mine field.

What is with this obsession with not disturbing old shit? Where is the line between something being historic or just being old garbage? Look, there are thousands of wrecks all around Cape Cod, this one is not special, we aren’t talking about Fenway Park here, clean that shit up Martha’s Vineyard, before someone ends up with gonorrhea.

P.S. Yes, gonorrhea, that’s how you get it. Just ask Insane Tony, he’s always talking about how he got gonorrhea from some crusty old wreck at the beach.

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WL – With Bridgewater State University’s Yarmouth campus set to host its inaugural semester beginning in January, and registration opening in the next few weeks, the school is offering details about its initial slate of undergraduate, graduate, and noncredit programs, while continuing to plan future courses.

Located at the former Laurence C. MacArthur Elementary School on Route 28, the new campus will initially host four classrooms, plus a conference room and administrative office space. Further renovations of the existing building are expected over the next few years, along with an expansion of course offerings.

The initial semester will see eight undergraduate classes, several tailored specifically for the Cape. As part of BSU’s cooperative approach with Cape Cod Community College, all of the university’s undergrad classes will be upper-level offerings, to avoid drawing students away from the two-year school.

First off, what the hell is the deal with this “no compete” crap with Four C’s? Has the “everyone gets a trophy” culture where we coddle everyone into mediocrity by rewarding all accomplishments equally really made it all the way to our college administrations? I think they should compete, you want higher enrollment? Be better. You know who wins in that scenario? The students.

Secondly, is it just me or is this one of the most blatant, thinly veiled, insulting sentences you’ve ever heard?

“As part of BSU’s cooperative approach with Cape Cod Community College, all of the university’s undergrad classes will be upper-level offerings, to avoid drawing students away from the two-year school.”

Let me translate that from PC to real talk for you…

“We aren’t going to offer crap like basic underwater basket weaving courses so we don’t steal any of the dummies from CCCC.”

Good lord Bridgewater State, take it down a notch will ya? Last I checked you weren’t exactly Ivy League either. Don’t think you can just show up on our peninsula all pretentious, making fun of our little college, and we won’t call you out. Sure, Four C’s might be a bit of a runt, but it’s our little runt dammit!

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