The Cape Cod virtual yard sale has provided us with more than its share of laughs at The Real Cape headquarters. Here are a few of our favorite things to watch out for…

People Posting Ridiculous Fake Ads

Whether it is someone posting a chicken wing that was “only eaten once” or a poop bucket, fake ads get a chuckle every time. These are best if they just happen across your news feed at random times because it takes a few seconds for your mind to process what is happening. More of these please, and the more nonsensical they are, the better they are.

Also, huge bonus points if the first comment under an already eaten chicken wing for sale is… “interested”.

The Rule That States If You Wouldn’t Sell/Do/Say It At A Real Yard Sale Don’t Sell/Say/Do It Here

Might not be the best way to put it. You have no idea what people would sell, do and say at a real yard sale. Maybe I’ve sold crack to people naked while screaming racial slurs at the top of my lungs at a real yard sale, you don’t know. If I would then technically I can sell crack on this page by posting dick pics and jokes about Jews and still be within the rules right?

People’s Reaction To Fake Ads

You would think that someone had drawn dicks in the Holy Bible the way people react to the fake ads, it is hilarious. Way funnier than the fake ads themselves. People take posting fake ads very seriously…  “How dare you disrespect the integrity of the virtual yard sale? This is an OUTRAGE! I AM OUTRAGED!”

The best is when they are like… “This is the most disrespectful thing I’ve ever seen.” Really? There are church groups that protest the funerals of soldiers who died in battle… but a joke ad on an internet yard sale is the most disrespectful thing you’ve ever seen? Got it.

Or how about when they comment under a fake ad tagging the moderator and asking if they’ve seen it yet? Holy shit, talk about tools. You are basically the kid in school that tattled to the teacher because of a joke. Too bad Facebook doesn’t have virtual lockers we could stuff you in. You deserve a virtual wedgie or two as well.

Using The Term “Quick Sale”

Cracks me up every time. Oh, so you mean we don’t need to get the lawyers involved in this deal? I don’t need to pass a background check and wait 7 days to buy your old pair of UGGS? That’s so awesome, because the last time I bought a used toaster off the internet I had to put the money in an escrow account and have three home visits to make sure I lived in a stable environment.

Quick sale. So hilarious.

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

CapeCodOnline.com – Lifelong fisherman Doug Feeney recently built a new 32-foot boat. He named it after his new son, Noah. And Feeney had a new focus: dogfish.

A Chatham resident, Feeney has seen firsthand how the decline of groundfish like cod has hindered the region’s commercial fishing industry. But the abundance of dogfish, Feeney said, could give the industry the boost it needs.

Feeney and his colleagues, along with the Cape Cod Commercial Fishermen’s Alliance and the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Association are looking to re-brand dogfish, which has been snubbed by domestic consumers because of its appearance — it is a shark and it looks like one — and its name. Europeans have already embraced the white-meat fish: most of the dogfish caught today is exported. But the path to re-branding a food can be long and winding, so the cause will need all the help it can get.

One reason for dogfish’s popularity in the UK might be the fact that it is known there by a more appetizing name: rock salmon. And in other regions where the fish is popular, the name has been changed. In France, for example, it’s known as “saumonette,” or little salmon.

“I think we definitely need to work on the name,” Feeney said. “I think the name might be a little bit of a hindrance.”

While renaming a fish can lead to positive outcomes – just look at Patagonian toothfish, which is sold under the name Chilean sea bass in the U.S. – doing so can be a big hurdle, Civetta said.

Orrrr… maybe the reason for dogfish’s popularity in the UK might be the fact that they are used to eating grey meat that had all the flavor sucked out of it by boiling water? Or could it be that they don’t realize that dogfish are the rats of the sea, only to be cursed at when stealing the bait you are trying to catch stripers with?

We are all for trying to expand our local fishery though, so here’s our top 5 new names for dogfish…

5. Filet Mignonfish

4. Heroin of the Sea

3. Hy-Town Sushi

2. Canalibut

1. REGGAE SHARK!!!

P.S. Yes, I will post Reggae Shark every single time I have an excuse.

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Globe – Each year, about 90 or so young Kemp’s Ridley sea turtles get lost trying to go around Cape Cod, become stunned by the cold, and wash up on a beach, their bodies in a bad way.

The number of strandings has been increasing steadily, which could be a sign of growth in the population of the world’s most endangered sea turtle.

But what is happening on Cape Cod Bay this fall is unprecedented, “an outlier of outliers,” said Tony LaCasse, a spokesman for the New England Aquarium.

Three weeks into stranding season — just a third of the way — rescuers have picked nearly 400 turtles off the beaches of Cape Cod Bay, double the previous record. In the past week, steady northwest winds helped to push more than 300 onto beaches.

There is a backlog of turtles at the Massachusetts Audubon Sanctuary at Wellfleet Bay, which has been collecting them, waiting for room at the New England Aquarium’s marine animal hospital in Quincy, which has been flooded with incoming patients.

On Tuesday, the Coast Guard will fly 193 of the Kemp’s ridley sea turtles to Orlando, where they will be shared among 10 marine rehabilitation facilities.

They get lost trying to go around the Cape? Hey turtles, ever hear of a thing called The Cape Cod Canal? It’s been there for a hundred years, you’d think one of you would have spread the word by now.

Talk about Cape Cod Problems though huh? There are people all over the country that can’t afford to get to their families for Thanksgiving this week and meanwhile 193 Cape Cod turtles will be on the red eye to Boca.

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Orleans Police Facebook – This past Saturday, one of our Officers arrived to assist a motorist on Rte. 6 with two flat tires, and observed a visibly upset mother, with two scared little girls crying in the backseat.

The Officer returned to his cruiser to find something that would calm the girls, and distract them from the stressful situation. Unable to find a stuffed animal or toy, the Officer grabbed his tablet he had with him and began playing a kids movie as he handed it to the older of the two girls.

When the tow truck arrived some 40 minutes later, the Officer returned to the vehicle to retrieve his tablet. The mother thanked the Officer, and stated “I think she may have taken a couple of pictures”. Attached (above) are just a couple of the 25+ pictures the officer found later in his photo gallery that brought a happy conclusion to his day.

Given what we are all being inundated with on our news feeds today, I thought it would be nice to start off with a post to remind us that there is still way more good in this world than there is evil.

Do you know how I know this police officer is a good person? He just nonchalantly handed a kid his tablet. Most people would need about three days alone with the delete button before they could just hand their computer over to a child.

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HyannisNews.com – Tara Tobin, 24, of Hyannis, was arrested by Barnstable Police last night for her third OUI in just over two weeks.

On November 7, 2014, Tobin was arrested and charged with Operating Under the Influence of intoxicating liquor and Negligent Operation of a Motor Vehicle in Hyannis. This was Tobin’s second OUI offense, her first coming in January of 2013.

She was arrested again, just five days later, on November 12, 2014 in Hyannis. On that date, she was arrested and charged with OUI, Negligent Operation, and for Operating with a Suspended License for a previous OUI on November 7, 2014.

Last night, on November 23, 2014, the Barnstable Patrol Officers were called to Oak Neck Road, Hyannis, for a report of a motor vehicle crash. Based on witnesses at the scene, Tobin was located by Patrolman Armando Feliciano a short distance away hiding behind a bush. Witnesses identified her as the female who fled from the crash scene as police arrived.

The vehicle involved in the crash had a Domino’s delivery sign on it and while on scene, the Barnstable Police were notified that a Domino’s delivery vehicle had just been stolen by a female matching Tobin’s description minutes before the crash.

I hope everyone realizes that we have officially witnessed the setting of a record that may never be broken. This woman is the Joe Dimaggio of OUI’s. Just like nobody will ever break Joe’s 56 game hit streak, it will be a very long time until anyone threatens this record.

Throw in a stolen Domino’s delivery vehicle and this may be the greatest two week stretch in Cape Cod criminal history. In her defense though, there may have been a few pies in the car when she stole it and she was just trying to make sure she made the deliveries in 30 minutes or less.

P.S. I can’t believe the hiding 10 feet away in a bush after crashing a stolen Dominos delivery vehicle technique didn’t work. That’s usually a fool proof exit strategy.

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

ATLANTIC WHITE SHARK CONSERVANCY LICENSE PLATES 

Drive with pride knowing you are helping to protect one of our region’s most valuable marine species!

Plates have an exclusive design by Paul McPhee, one of the nation’s top marine life artists who’s work can be frequently seen on the covers of the most prestigious sports fishing magazines.

Pre-orders now available $40 special plate fee and complete application required for each plate order.

Download the application form to order yours today!

*Massachusetts residents only*

Oh great, let’s protect the sharks even though we’ve already established that they have a personal vendetta against me and want me dead. It’s fine though, everybody just go ahead and take the sharks side, I’ll go start The Real Oklahoma.

P.S. There is one shark I’m all about protecting, you know him, you love him… that’s right, it’s Reggae Shark!

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

CapeCodOnline.com – Even as Heritage Museums & Gardens has started work on its zipline park, five neighbors filed a lawsuit in Barnstable Superior Court trying to block it.

The suit filed Monday and served on the town Thursday, asks a superior court judge to issue an injunction against construction of the aerial adventure park and revoke the building permit.

It comes on the heels of some of the most vocal critics of the adventure park saying they would not take Heritage to court. The suit is an appeal in response to the Oct. 28 Zoning Board of Appeals decision to uphold the building permit.

Named as defendants in the suit are Heritage, the town, Building Inspector Paul Spiro, and six members of the Zoning Board of Appeals.

NostraHippie was right once again. In a recent post about the zip line saga at Heritage Gardens I said we most likely hadn’t heard the last of The Fun Police after their appeals had failed at every level. Even I could not have imagined that they would actually sue not only Heritage, but also the town, the building inspector, AND each individual on the ZBA. SUE EVERYONE!! Seriously, how crazy is this on a scale of 1 to mushrooms?

Since these people have devolved this issue into personal litigation, does that mean that if they lose we can sue them for wasting everyone’s time? Seriously, they should be forced to pay all court costs, a fair hourly wage to all the people they sued, and punitive damages to me for having to take the time to write about this insanity.

This is a new benchmark for The Fun Police, not only do they hate property rights and our system of government, but they also hate children, fun, and children having fun. They are like the elite special forces SWAT team crack commando unit of The Fun Police… The F Team.

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony