PROVINCETOWN — A Provincetown native wears a dapper hat with a feather stuck in its side and smiles as he drains a can of beer on a bench in front of Town Hall one morning in late October. He’s recently been released from a three-year stint in prison and is homeless. He and two other men have been living in what can be considered a small tent village on the beach behind the post office. The chill in the air doesn’t bother him yet — he’s got a gas heater to keep warm and a grill for cooking.

The problem, he says, is that there’s nowhere for the homeless in Provincetown to go — and he sure doesn’t want to stay in the shelter in Hyannis — so what’s a man to do?

Is this the bizarro world? Am I taking crazy pills? “The problem he says, is that there’s nowhere for the homeless in Provincetown to go”??? Bro that is the definition of being homeless. You have no home. Once you make the decision to be devoid of a home and become homeless you are signing on to have nowhere to go.

If you did have a place to go, I don’t know, say a HOME. Then by definition you would not be a homeless person. You can’t have your cake and eat it too, quit being so selfish. You can’t call yourself homeless AND have a home. Shit doesn’t work that way. You don’t see me calling myself a double amputee while flaunting my two perfectly good legs in your face running marathons and shit do you?

P.S. You wear a dapper hat with a feather in it’s side while smiling and drinking a beer in front of Town Hall in Provincetown. Somewhere some guy laying in sewage drinking his own piss under a bridge in the Bronx is reading this article because it’s printed on his blanket and he is cursing your wussy ass Cape Cod homeless name.

While Boston voters were electing a new Mayor and West Tisbury’s town meeting debated marijuana dispensary zoning, Falmouth Elks also voted Tuesday — to shut down the club’s Facebook page. According to a post on that page Wednesday morning: “At last nights House committee meeting the Exalted Ruler ask the house committee to shut down the Falmouth Elks Face Book page. A motion was made to do so. And the motion passed. This page will be shut down when the administrator receives official notice in writing.”

So they are arguing about who gets to control the Elks Facebook page? And they need a motion? This is the world we live in? They need a meeting and a motion and paperwork needs to be filed to shut down a Facebook page that announces Fish Fries and Meat Raffles? But wait! Public outcry!

• “Certainly shows pettiness on behalf of the administrator. What a shame to see in an organization that does such good things in our town. The administrator should be ashamed.”

• “may I ask why this was requested? Social Media is the wave of the future. It allows us the ability to connect with the public for our charitable works as well as networking with other lodges to expand our resources.”

• “What a shame. I always enjoy seeing what is happening. Sounds like a control issue to me. You have over 600 of us that like the page. Over 400 talking about it. As with all groups, you need a good administrator monitoring the page and deleting anything inappropriate.”

• “as in all things in Elkdom, this can surely come to a reasonable conclusion with a little cooperation and understanding. I pray the Falmouth Lodge works this out, maybe with some help of a mediator. All the best to you all!”

• “this is crazy.”

• “The administrator is the one who has made the inappropriate posts.”

• “Wouldn’t it be technically the “membership” decision and not the HC?”

• “Change the administrator!”

• “You are only hearing about this TODAY because this is the day the Admin CHOSE to SHARE. POWER OF SOCIAL MEDIA.”

• “Face Book is a way for out of area Elks members to see what we are doing and make connections.”

• “Are committees and Chairpersons still appointed by the Exalted Ruler? Why would the ER need to put such a request in writing. Seriously….? Run for a position and get ELECTED TO IT if you want CONTROL.”

I think that one commenter hit the nail on the head with the “this is crazy” comment. Are we in High School here? Isn’t the Elks a long standing institution? Now they are quibbling over who gets to make some status updates on a Facebook Page? They are like that annoying couple you play Trivial Pursuit with and all they do is argue over who gets to ask the question. “I want to ask, you asked the last one… wah wah wah”… WHO GIVES A SHIT! Then there is this:

• “Are committees and Chairpersons still appointed by the Exalted Ruler? Why would the ER need to put such a request in writing. Seriously….? Run for a position and get ELECTED TO IT if you want CONTROL.”

Wait just a minute. From what this person is saying I am gathering some member just went rogue and established himself as the administrator of the page without going through any proper channels and that’s why the Elks want control of it? My god man don’t you know what a breach of protocol like this could lead to? Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling! Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes… The dead rising from the grave! Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together… mass hysteria! (source)

P.S. Who does this guy think he is defying the Exalted Ruler? Don’t people get water boarded for shit like that?

TRURO — Truro’s special town meeting was postponed indefinitely Tuesday night after a meager public turnout failed to produce a quorum.

I came across this Facebook status from Mocean in Mashpee Commons and had to comment on it.

This is in regards to the big box stores taking Black Friday Thursday to a new level and opening on Thanksgiving Day. The irony is so thick here I almost feel stupid pointing it out. You mean to tell me that we are now supposed to celebrate a holiday designed solely to be thankful for the intangibles money can’t buy like our health and families and feel blessed for all the things we already have in life… by leaving our families on the one day we are all together and rushing out to buy superficial material things we don’t actually need because they are on sale? The irony is thicker than Grandma’s lumpy gravy.

6 0’clock on Thanksgiving is just about the time your drunk uncle starts offending your adopted cousins with anti-immigration diatribes disguised as patriotism. And who wants to miss out on your dumb cousin answering “Washington D.C.” when asked what the capital of Washington State is in a game of Trivial Pursuit?

This is why real Cape Codders should shop at locally owned stores, yeah you might have to wait a whole 24 hours to get those new UGGS your 8 year old daughter NEEDS DESPERATELY, but you are also giving a fellow local family time to wake up Friday morning with an Egg Nog hangover and make a Turkey and mashed potato bagel sandwich for breakfast.

Everybody take it down a notch and let’s give ourselves a night to appreciate the fact that our ancestors had already developed an immunity to small pox so that we could outlast the natives. Be thankful that we lasted long enough to invent Football that we get to enjoy on our flatscreens while lounging around on our sectionals drinking Bud Lights and pretending to care about The Detroit Lions and High School Football.

Screw WalMart, I bet the 6 year olds in China making those $4 camping chairs would give a big toe for just one piece of pumpkin pie.

Check out Mocean HERE and support The Real Cape Cod.

WARNING THIS IS A LONG POST, TURN BACK NOW IF YOU DON’T LIKE TO READ INSANE THEORIES.

Since the dawn of man there have been mystery creatures that man has been unable to catch on film or prove their existence in anyway. There is Bigfoot, The Loch Ness Monster, La Chupacabra and of course the infamous Beast Of Truro. In case you don’t know the back story of the Beast here is a little history.

One of the most famous mystery cats in modern Massachusetts history is the “Beast of Truro.” In September 1981, an unidentified predator began killing pets and livestock. First domestic cats were attacked, killed, and mutilated. One eyewitness later was quoted in The New York Times as saying that the killer had a long, ropelike, curved J-shaped tail, and weighed upward of 80 pounds with short ears. Others said the predator looked like a cougar.

A New Yorker visiting Truro in December 1981 reported to town officials that he’d seen a mountain lion. All are names for the same kind of animal, of course. But wildlife officials have said they believe mountain lions to be extinct in the East. In January 1982, a mystery predator, thought to possibly be the Beast of Truro, mauled penned pigs in two incidents. And then the attacks stopped.

Our theory may sound a little far fetched to some, but bear with us as it will make perfect sense in the end. Let’s start of by listing what we know about the Beast:

1. The Beast is small in stature

3. The Beast weighs in at approximately 80 pounds.

2. The Beast is reported to have a long, ropelike, curved J-shaped tail.

4. The Beast has short ears.

5. The Beast feeds on domesticated cats

6. After mauling penned pigs in two separate incidents The Beast has not been heard from again.

Now this may be controversial, but we have a theory on the nature of this beast. Our story starts in a little town called Yarmouth off of Station Ave. Some of you may know of this place, but for those that don’t it is affectionately known as “Midgetville”.

This place is a closely guarded secret and it took painstaking research to uncover the inner workings of this secret society. (meaning a 3 minute Google search). All we could find on this compound was in pictures and we share them here now with you:

continued after the jump click here to keep reading—> (more…)

ctnow.com – Some people like to create their own pottery. Others want to write an original story or song, or grow a new kind of tomato, or build a house like no one’s ever seen before.

Rosanna Petrella came up with Cape Moonshine: her very own extra-distilled, 80-proof, gluten-free, made-from-heirloom-corn liquor.

The original inspiration for creating her own liquor came about because “My son was doing a project for school about George Washington,” Petrella explains. She was surprised to learn that this father of our country also happened to be “one of the largest distillers in the United States.”

That historical factoid led to discussions about America’s Prohibition era and thoughts about a bootlegging legend from her husband Matt’s hometown on Cape Cod. The story, says Petrella, was that rum runners used to land their illegal cargos at the end of a beach road in Hyannis.

It was an interesting combination, one that ultimately resulted in Cape Moonshine.

Normally I’m not a fan of outside companies cashing in on the Cape Cod name to peddle their wares. This one has a few different things going for it though. First off George Washington made moonshine. So yeah, ‘Murrica! Next we find out her husband is a native and that it’s inspired by runners who used to land their cargo on the beaches of Hyannis. Pretty good street cred for a couple from Stepford CT. It still remains to be seen if  they are Red Sox or Yankees fans.

So the other thing Cape Moonshine has going for it is that it is, in fact… MOONSHINE. This is obviously going to earn them great favor with the residents of The Cape where moonshine is revered almost as much as missing traffic on the Bourne Bride at 5 p.m. on an August Friday. I’m putting you on notice Cape Moonshine, you have a ton going for you out of the gates, but only time (and samples) will tell if you gain the backing of the Peninsula.

In conclusion I would like to say to Rosanna Petrella that the obvious move to get street credit for you Moonshine is to kindly ship a bottle to The Real Cape headquarters so some tried and true boozehounds can decide if it is up to par with our highly developed booze pallet.

To visit Cape Moonshine and learn more Click Here