Bored stiff ? How about adding a little excitement to your life ?

I’m a photographer who lives in NY. How about if I drive to the Cape, you and I meet and you pose for some super sexy ( but not pornographic ) still, black and white photos. I pay you $100.00 cash for an hour’s modeling and then I get in my car and drive back to NY. You never see or hear from me again. Your photos never show up in any magazine, on any web site or anywhere else. I keep them for my personal collection only.

100 bucks cash, fun, exciting and no one ever knows ! NO ONE EVER KNOWS !

This one doesn’t seem sketchy at all. A guy in the largest city in the country, packed full of hot women who want to be models, wants to drive 6 hours to snap a few shots of you? I’m sure this is all on the up and up. At the very least it’s worth the risk for $100. That’s life altering money right there.

Let’s rewrite this ad with this guys true inentions:

I am a guy with a camera who lives in New Bedford. How about I drive to a place where nobody can identify me and pay you no money to kill you. Nobody ever sees or hears from me again. Your photo shows up on a milk carton and in Amber Alerts. I keep your hair for the wig I am making. The best part is no one ever knows ! NO ONE EVER KNOWS !

Once again whoever uploaded this hit the nail on the head with the caption. This photo is as Real Cape as it gets. Nothing fancy, just getting to where you need to go in order to have a good time. ‘Merica indeed.

If you have a photo that represents the Real Cape Cod please submit it below or use the link at the top of the page. From beautiful sunsets to drunken comedy and everything in between, we want to see what you see. (Author is optional)

WL – There were two reports of illness from food eaten at the festival but whether the illness was caused by vibrio, a bacterium sometimes found in shellfish, or overindulgence has not been determined, although the latter is suspected.

Hay said one individual who got sick ate 47 oysters, plus some shellfish and “other stuff.” There was not, he said, “a definite traceability back to vibrio.”

Harry Terkanian, town administrator, said another person ate 36 oysters, plus a lobster roll.

What got them sick “has not been determined”. I just puked reading that and I can determine exactly why. Because homeboy ate FORTY SEVEN OYSTERS. I don’t care if you are half sea turtle, that many oysters will make you sick 100% of the time. At least the other guy had the decency to throw a lobster roll in there.

More importantly it’s a miracle these guys didn’t get arrested for indecency. After 47 oysters I would be humping peoples legs like a Boston Terrier in heat. Poor guys wife was probably limping around for a week after the festival.

You know how if there is a long blackout there’s always a bunch of babies born nine months later? I wonder if Wellfleet’s birth rate jumps nine months after The Oyster Festival? I’d have to think there’s a healthy amount of fornication going on that weekend.

TIME – Mashpee Commons in Mashpee, Massachusetts (Fridays and Saturdays)

While you’ll find Scott Calkin, 66, making a dramatic entrance at Nantucket’s annual Christmas Stroll via Coast Guard vessel instead of a sleigh, he also volunteers for HopeHealth’s Hospice programs in Cape Cod, sits with Alzheimer’s patients, and makes house calls for terminally ill pediatric patients. He gives out fleece scarves with mittens on either end called “Santa’s Hugs” so that the “children can give themselves a hug when they need one.”

That’s what I’m talking about! Cape Santa doing big things on the national stage. Just look at the Santa swagger on Scott Calkin. He is killing it with the handlebar mustache, starfish combo. The rest of us wish we had half as much swagger as the Mashpee Santa.

Most importantly, Santa, if you are reading this, sign me up for one of those scarves with the mittens on each end. A self hugging apparatus? Yes please! I will whisper sweet nothings into my own ear while I hold myself tight all day long.

Cape Cod just dominating lately with the best chips, happiest towns, and now the best Santa. It’s like a heavyweight holding all three belts at once. Cape Cod has unified the title!

Well here it is, our first video. Watch as The Real Cape’s own Insane Tony defends his crown and Casey Reed let’s down an entire nation. Thanks to Erik and Tom of The Quahog Republic for putting up with us.

Video production by Justin Andrukonis
Video production and editing by Adam Hamwey