CapeCodTimes.com – A 54-year-old West Yarmouth man pleaded not guilty in Barnstable District Court on Wednesday to charges that he has been defecating in public at Seaview Beach for the last three months.

George Packer, of Wampanoag Road, was charged with open and gross lewdness and drinking alcohol in public after he was arrested early Wednesday morning, following a lengthy Department of Natural Resources investigation to identify the individual who had been repeatedly defecating on the steps leading to Seaview Beach in South Yarmouth.

According to court documents, Yarmouth Natural Resources Officer Timothy Parsons arrived at the beach at 5 a.m., hoping to catch the perpetrator. In his report, Parsons wrote that within a half hour he noticed Packer on the stairs of the beach with a beer in his hand. The officer recognized him as the man he had seen in surveillance videos.

Packer put down his beer, lowered his pants, and left a bowel movement on the steps, the report states.
“I was shocked by this,” Parsons wrote in his report. “I then came over the mound of sand that I had been peering from and announced myself and informed him I was law enforcement from the Town of Yarmouth.”

Parsons told Packer he saw him defecate on the steps and asked him why he’d been doing that.

“He responded, ‘I don’t have a good answer, I don’t really know,’” Parsons wrote.

“I then asked why he decided it was better to defecate on the steps (than) to use the Port-o-Potty located less than 10 feet away. He responded, ‘I don’t know, I just like to walk on the beach and then I have to go and so I go on the steps.’”

Is there any point to asking this dude why he keeps pooping on the steps? There is no acceptable answer to that question, so there’s really no reason to ask. What could he possibly say that would alleviate the situation? Is there any excuse known to man that would make anyone say “Oh, ok then, that makes sense” after watching someone crap outside in public? The dude just likes pooping on the steps, it’s as simple as that.

My dog likes to poop in the same place all the time too. I’d be willing to bet that even if there was a portable toilet ten feet away from his favorite spot, he wouldn’t use it either. You know how most people won’t poop in public toilets and only like to poop at home? It’s normal to have a place you like to poop. It just so happens that this guy’s “place” is 10 feet away from a toilet on the steps to a public beach. At least he had the wherewithal to put his beer down before he took a crap in public, a true gentleman never shits with a beer in his hand.

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CCT – A homeless man was arrested early Saturday morning an charged with breaking into a car. According to a Yarmouth police release, officers were dispatched to Grant Road in West Yarmouth just after 3 a.m. for a reported car break-in. The car owner told police he saw a white man in a gray sweatshirt break into his car.

Barnstable Police K9 Officer Sean Roycroft and his dog arrived and began to track the suspect. Within a few minutes, the dog had tracked and located the suspect in the rear of the Ravenswood Condo complex.

When Yarmouth officers arrived at the area where the suspect was being detained, they found a man lying on the ground under a sheet, police said. Car cell phone charges, cell phones, clothing, gift cards and loose change were strewn about.

The suspect, who was identified as 19-year-old Guy Face, told the officers he was homeless and did not know what was going on. Face denied knowing anything about the break-in and told the officers he is homeless and sleeps in the area, police said.

Despite his denial, the suspect was positively identifed by the car owner and taken into custody.

Ah, the old run home and hide under a sheet and pretend you’re asleep under a sheet on top of a pile of cell phones, gift cards and loose change trick. It usually works like a charm, unless of course your home is the bushes behind a condo complex.

If anyone would like to hear this story in person directly from this dude, I’m sure you can find him at Dunkin’ Donuts on free donut Friday.

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Patch – There’s no such thing as free lunch.

But on Fri., June 5 there will be such thing as a free donut.

Dunkin’ Donuts is offering the freebies in honor of National Donut Day. There is a catch: customers must purchase a beverage to get their free handful of sweet deliciousness.

You may think I’m writing this to tell you to make sure you get to Dunkin’ Donuts on Friday, but I am actually suggesting you do the exact opposite and avoid DD at all costs on free donut day.

The one drawback of Dunkin’ Donuts is the plethora of Martians one has to deal with. Whether it be in the store or in the drive thru, the freaks of society patronize Dunkins like the army of the dead from Game of Thrones.

Think  about how many of these people there are on a normal day. Now think about the amount of them that will be crawling around on a day where you get free donuts. Now think about the type of Gremlins that are actually willing to sit in huge lines and pack into a donut shop like sheep just to save 0.95 cents.

I don’t know about you but I’d pay double for a donut if it meant not having to deal with the dregs of society. So before you succumb to the marketing tactics of the D, think about how crowded it’s going to be, then think about the level of Martianry that will be on display, and then think about all the other places around here that sell coffee and donuts and run as fast as you can to one of them.

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What may come as no surprise, not all people take my sense of humor with a grain of salt. Usually, I tell them to screw and continue to be myself. The brash and at times offensive tendencies do sometimes have consequences. Whether it is getting a drink thrown on me, a slap across the face, or even the occasional threat, I try to make the situation as amusing as possible. Those consequences are the classics though. In this day and age you can do so much more creative things to a potential foe.

I’m not sure if a scorned woman was giving my number out to potential tinder matches, or if my phone number ended up on Backpage or Craigslist in the casual encounter section, but I knew I must have really grinded someone’s gears when I received a few pictures of an over anxious young man who made the slight error of not confirming the identity of his dick pic target before hitting send.

Here is the first selfie sent to me with my response to start things off…

 

Then he decided to up the seduction ante by adding alcohol into the mix…

 

 

Which is when I decided it was time to reveal my identity…

 

He gone.

I still have no idea who I pissed off to the point where they decided to play gay Cupid with my contact info. If any of our Provincetown readers should happen to come across a Grindr profile of me, please let us know. Needless to say, my number has been changed.

P.S. This guy almost made the cut, but what can I say, I’m picky about bathroom accessories.

 

Editor’s note: We knew Frank Anthony was a loose cannon when we brought him on, but we had no idea to what extent. The fact that he is out there galavanting around with 4% battery left on his phone shows just how much of a lunatic he actually is. 

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At a few of our recent events we’ve been chatting with a ton of people that are coming to this years festival and many of them have said they plan on just grabbing tickets at the Fairgrounds on the day of the show. We just wanted to let everyone here on Cape Cod know that while the fairgrounds are big, there is a finite amount of tickets we can sell.

Given the popularity of national acts that we booked for this years show, we are expecting over 5,000 people this year. So far we have already sold more tickets for this years festival than we did all of last year and at the pace they are selling, there is a distinct chance that it may sell out.

So we just want to stress to our local Cape Cod readers that you really should get your tickets in advance if possible, the last thing we would want is our local readers not getting into the festival because they waited on tickets since they live so close to the venue. We are going real big this year, we are moving the show from the small concert area at the Fairgrounds to a larger open field and will be building two giant festival stages. This is going to be a grand scale, legit sized festival and we’d just hate to see any locals missing out so please grab your tickets in advance just in case we end up turning people away at the gates.

Thanks so much everyone for your support, this is definitely gearing up to be the biggest thing on Cape Cod in a very long time.

CLICK HERE for The Real Cape Festival Website for tix and info

CLICK HERE to like the festival Facebook page and keep up with announcements

tix for sale below…

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GLOBE – Former Green Bay Packers coach Mike Sherman has been named the new head coach at Nauset Regional in Eastham, according to a report in the Cape Cod Times.

Sherman, who was born in Norwood and now lives in Dennis, coached the Packers from 2000-05, directing them to three straight NFC North titles. He also was the head coach at Texas A&M, leading the Aggies to three bowl appearances in four seasons.

According to the report, Sherman has spent the last year on the Cape, doing occasional consulting work for the NFL and college teams.

“I felt after Miami I couldn’t put my family through another move,” Sherman told the Times. “We’ve been coming here almost every summer over the last 30-plus years as a family so we felt this was a natural fit for us to call Cape Cod home.”

Makes perfect sense. I’d consider this a lateral move. If you’re going from the NFL to high school, the best place to do it is in the center of the universe. Belichick lives on Nantucket in the summer, Sherman lives in Dennis, they might as well move the Hall of Fame from Canton to Hyannis at this point.

The big question is if Sherman is going to be able to figure out how to handle the pressure cooker of football on Cape Cod and the athleticism of Nauset kids? I mean Brett Favre and Sterling Sharpe are one thing, but the game is much faster in Eastham. I just hope he can devise a system that can take advantage of the high level of play when it comes to Cape football. You’re in the big leagues now Mike, you better step up your game and lock yourself in the war room devising schemes or teams like Sandwich High are gonna steamroll all over you. Fair warning, you’re on Cape Cod now bro, play time is over.

thanks to Brendan D for the tip

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RollingStone – On October 27th, 1979, the Grateful Dead pulled up to the third stop on their fall tour that year — the Cape Cod Coliseum in South Yarmouth, Massachusetts — for the first of two concerts there. It was not an auspicious setting. The venue was a long, drab box of steel and cement that typically hosted minor-league hockey games and World Wrestling Federation matches.

But that night, the Dead – guitarists Jerry Garcia and Bob Weir, bassist Phil Lesh, drummers Bill Kreutzmann and Mickey Hart and keyboard player Brent Mydland, the latter in only his sixth month with the band – played one of their best shows of that road era. “They are on fire,” the group’s archivist David Lemieux tells Rolling Stone. “There was always something about the Dead in New England – they were pretty darn spectacular. But some of the jams in this one are incredible.” That gig is, Lemieux notes, “one of the most requested shows we have in the vault.”

It will finally come out on September 18th as part of the largest box of live Dead ever officially released: Thirty Trips Around the Sun, a 50th anniversary monument of 80 CDs with 30 complete, previously unissued shows, one from each year of the Dead’s touring life.

I don’t know about you but I just had to change my underwear. The Grateful Dead on Cape Cod and they were “on fire”? How insanely sad is it that in 36 years Cape Cod has gone from hosting the Dead to shutting down Sunday night music at The Landfall? What have we become? We’ve gone from Jerry ripping the guitar to a bunch of geriatrics ripping farts in such a short time. Cape Cod has made itself almost as irrelevant in 2015 as releasing a CD box set in 2015. (Seriously though Grateful Dead, an 80 disc box set will increase our CD collections by, well, about 80 CD’s)

But what can we do you ask? How can we return Cape Cod to its former glory? What possible way is there to defeat the Fun Police and take back Cape Cod? It’s pretty simple really. Support the people that are still bringing this kind of stuff to the Cape. It just so happens that I’ve have heard through the grapevine about some big festival that promises to be the biggest show on the Cape since the Dead in ’79. Not sure who is behind it, but it sounds pretty awesome. You can show your support by buying a ticket right now! CLICK HERE

CLICK HERE TO VISIT THE FESTIVAL WEBSITE

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