Capecodonline.com – A Wareham woman who told a Sandwich charity she was facing eviction and did not have money to buy Christmas gifts for her two small children has been arrested after allegedly trying to sell the presents to her neighbors.

Kimberly Lawson, 44, of East Wareham, was arraigned Monday in Wareham District Court on a charge of receiving stolen property following her arrest on Friday, according to court documents.

Wareham police said Lawson lied about her financial need to the St. Vincent de Paul Charities, a branch of the Corpus Christi Parish in Sandwich, and accepted Christmas gifts and $800 in cash for her back rent.

According to court documents, Lawson claimed to have four young children and to be in an abusive relationship as well as being behind on her rent and facing eviction. She really has two adult children, ages 21 and 24, court records indicate.

This might be the most Warehammy story ever. A nice little Cape Cod Church in Sandwich is just quietly trying to help some people around Christmas. Next thing you know Wendy the Wareham Wildebeest swims across the canal like she’s migrating across an African river to defraud the shit out of the place.

In the past we’ve said it’s time to deploy some guardsmen from Otis to establish a perimeter around Wareham. Well that’s not enough and now is the time to act. We need alligators in The Canal and lions to patrol the banks. This could be the beginning of the great migration folks and the last thing any real Cape Codder wants to see is 10,000 Waredebeests coming at us at once.

Capecodtoday.com – In response to an ever present need, Cape Cod Healthcare will hold twelve blood drives in January, National Volunteer Blood Donor Month. According to a release from Cape Cod Healthcare, January is an especially challenging month when it comes to blood donations.

Several factors including illness and inclement weather can keep donors from giving.

I don’t think it’s just “illness and inclement weather” that is going to keep people on Cape Cod from donating blood in the middle of the winter. It might have more to do with the fact that the average persons blood alcohol level is about 0.25 in January. It’s kinda tough to donate blood when there’s basically Bloody Mary’s coursing through your veins.

On the flip side I guess getting some January Cape Cod blood in a transfusion would be nice. No matter how sick or dying you were before won’t matter to you at all once you get some townie blood in you. You’ll be so shitfaced that you’ll probably just crush some hospital food, try to bang your nurse and pass out mumbling about high school football.

Merry Christmas Cape Cod. Thanks for checking in, we will be back to our regularly scheduled daily programming on Thursday.

Did you finally get the Zooquarium song out of your head? Well the Thompson’s Clam Bar one will gladly take it’s spot!

Our friend Matt found this amazing image of an old school postcard labeled simply “A naked child on a bike on Cape Cod”. The Fudge shop could be a clue and the scene has a bit of a Vineyard vibe to us, or maybe Hyannis? We’re going to need some older Real Cape Codders to chime in on this one. UPDATE: You guys are good, apparently it is Commercial St. in Provincetown.

Capenews.net – Geoff Spillane – Susan Clegg, a retired nurse from Mashpee, got the surprise of her life Monday when she received a delivery package from Walmart.

“A week before, I ordered some toys for my grandchildren from Walmart, but I had already received them. I was quite surprised when the bell rang and there was another delivery from Walmart. I thought maybe it was a gift for me,” she said.

That is when the shock set in for Ms. Clegg.

She opened the package and found 548 $50 Walmart gift cards along with a receipt for $27,400.

You know how you think sometimes about winning the lottery? In that moment between your head hitting the pillow and falling asleep you divvy up hundreds of millions of dollars between your friends and family. $2 mil for mom, $1 mil for each sibling all the way down to a couple hundred thousand for the girl that sold you the ticket.

Is this what hillbillies in the dirty south living in trailer parks dream about? Is their dream scenario to get 548 $50 gift cards from Walmart? “Let’s see, Billy Bob gets three, Sue Ellen gets two…” I feel like a $50 Walmart gift card in the swamps of Louisiana is legit gold, Billy Bob won’t have to trap crawdads for the next six seasons if he comes into three of those puppies.

The real question though is why does this shit always happen to people like Susan Clegg? I joke about hillbillies but the truth is my ass would be making it rain gift cards in the electronic department before the Fed Ex guy gets out of my driveway.  Throw a 60″ flatscreen and a Playstation 4 up on the counter and make the martian behind the register play 52 pick up, then run to the shoe aisle and throw gift cards at poor people like they were ninja stars. I always wanted to be king of the poors for a day