MVTimes.com – Braving sleet and snow Monday, about 12 people from the environmental group 350 Martha’s Vineyard Island (350 MVI) held an hour-long vigil at the Five Corners intersection to demand that President Barack Obama reject the proposed Keystone XL Pipeline.

The $5.4 billion pipeline would carry crude oil from tar sands in western Canada to refineries along the Texas Gulf Coast.

Well that should do it. Looks like the oil companies can kiss their $5.4 billion pipeline goodbye. No chance Obama can stand up to the kind of political pressure 350 MVI is throwing at him right now. I am sure The White House was closely monitoring the situation at this protest. You never know when you might need to call in The National Guard to keep the order.

Not that Obama will even need to reject the pipeline. I’m sure the photo above made it to the oil companies by now and they’ve realized they are just outclassed. The signs alone make it obvious that these protesters simply have deeper pockets than oil companies but the total disregard for snow really proves that these people are up for a fight. That sound you hear is the oil companies and Obama scrambling to cancel the pipeline project before shit gets ugly.

P.S. “About 12 people” is an interesting way to say it. Apparently the crowd was so big this reporter had to estimate the number of people at somewhere in the dozen range. Seems legit.

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CapeCodToday.com – In 1870, at age 30, Captain Baker made his first voyage to the tropics with his newly purchased ship, “Telegraph”. His cargo was mining equipment for Venezuela. On his return, he picked up a cargo of bamboo in Jamaica, where he tasted his first banana. He decided to introduce the exotic fruit to northern markets and he included some bunches in his cargo. However, upon arrival in New York City, the bananas were spoiled and could not be sold. Captain Baker was not deterred. The next year, he returned to Jamaica and loaded his ship with unripe (green) bananas. This time the bananas were just ripe enough when he docked in New York to earn a substantial profit.

Captain Baker spent the next 10 years expanding and developing his fruit importing business which became the foundation of the Boston Fruit Co. and made possible the giant conglomerate United Fruit Company (Chiquita brand) that still exists to this day.

No biggie, just another feather in Cape Cod’s cap. Hey America, enjoying that banana? Well you can thank us for it. Like Cape Cod wasn’t already awesome enough, now we find out we invented the banana.

Is it common knowledge that Chiquita Banana was started by a Wellfleet guy? It seems like this is something that should be taught in Cape schools. We should have statues of Lorenzo Baker everywhere, maybe a few public buildings named after him. This guy should be a Cape legend.

At the very least there should be a plaque at Donovan’s Reef at Nancy’s in Oak Bluffs. Getting a Dirty Banana from Donovan is a rite of passage for Cape Codders, it only seems right to pay homage to the Wellfleet man who made it all possible while enjoying Donovan’s magic elixir. After all, Lorenzo Baker may have first brought the banana to Cape Cod, but Donovan perfected it by adding tons of booze and ice and blending it. The two are forever intertwined.

I think The Real Cape staff might have to take a trip to see Donovan early this summer and discuss the situation over a Dirty Banana or twenty. We’ll donate a nice plaque for him to give the people a little Banana King history lesson while they are in line. Don’t ever say The Real Cape doesn’t do wonderful work in the community. Our goal is to inform every Cape Codder about this new found historical significance of getting hammered on Dirty Banana’s at Donovan’s Reef.

P.S. 93% chance Insane Tony will wake up floating around OB harbor naked on an inner tube with a Ritz tattoo on his forehead.

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CHATHAM — In what town officials describe as one of the worst violations in the history of local wetlands regulations, a Sears Point Road property owner is accused of driving heavy equipment on the sensitive tidal flats near his home and digging up precious salt marsh vegetation.

David C. Rogers, the owner of 36 Sears Point Rd., allegedly drove a rented 9,000-pound track loader – similar to a Bobcat – on the flats in front of his property on the western shore of Stage Harbor Sunday. Based on tracks still visible on the mud Monday morning, it appears the loader was used to flatten and scrape the flats.

Among wetlands violations he has seen during his career, “this frankly is one of the most egregious, just because of where it took place and because of the – I’ll use the word – arrogance it took to do it,” Duncanson said. While previous violators have run afoul of the law by trimming trees or carrying out other work in a wetlands buffer zone, “this is right in the resource area – multiple resource areas,” Duncanson said.

Holy shit man, way to fly under the radar. I don’t know what Cape Cod you’ve been living in but the one I know doesn’t allow people to just move beaches around with Bobcats. Especially when you need to drive through a salt marsh to get to said beach. Do I think wetland violations are handed out a little loosely on The Cape? Sure, most people do, but finding an Bobcat stuck in the muck in the marsh in front of your house is pretty much the same as this situation.

 

“David? Do you know who destroyed the wetlands with a Bobcat? Hmmm? Did you have anything to do with that? David?”

I have to admit I like this guy’s style though, go big or go home right? If you’re going to violate some wetlands you might as well violate the shit out of ’em. Next time you come across a beach closed for Piping Plover nesting just call in David Rogers, he’ll come down and bulldoze the whole area. Nests? What nests? All I see is a nice smooooth beach.

thanks to Teddy for the tip

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So this argument has been going around The Real Cape offices lately. Since there is nothing funny happening on Cape Cod I figured we’d hash it out and put an end to the debate today.

I have been known to go up to 20 items. My rule is that if it all fits in a basket I’m good to go, once you need a carriage you are over the limit. I also feel like size matters. If you have 6 cases of water and 6 cases of paper towels you are worse than me and my 20 candy bars.

I seem to be in the minority on this.

The counter argument is usually “Hippie, we live in a society stop being such a nihilistic sociopath.” I have a hard time believing I’m really the only person who doesn’t live in a box confined by the suggested number of items they can bring through a check out line. Also sociopath is a bit much no? I just feel like my time is more important than everyone else’s.

Oh and by the way, as anarchist as my attitude here seems, there IS a line you don’t cross. If you have produce with no price tags on it and you go in the express lane you should be removed from society, that is pure unadulterated lunatic shit.

So let’s end the debate, the poll is 100% anonymous so don’t lie, nobody will know you are a sociopath.

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(CNN) — A McDonald’s employee in Pittsburgh was arrested Wednesday after undercover police officers said they discovered her selling heroin in Happy Meal boxes, according to a criminal complaint.

Shantia Dennis, 26, was arrested after undercover law enforcement officials conducted a drug buy, according to a statement from Mike Manko, communications director for the Allegheny County District Attorney’s Office.

Customers looking for heroin were instructed to go through the drive-through and say, “I’d like to order a toy.” The customer would then be told to proceed to the first window, where they would be handed a Happy Meal box containing heroin, Manko said.

Can you imagine how much money someone would make selling $82 Happy Meals filled with heroin on Cape Cod? The Drive Thru line would be 18 miles long. Although the more I think about it I guess it wouldn’t really change much. I’m pretty sure it’s already just as easy to get heroin on The Cape as it is to get a cheeseburger.

P.S. If you are reading this and you are currently on heroin, stop for a bit. Go to a methadone clinic or get some pills or something. I read about Cape Cod all day and all I’ve been reading lately is that there is bad stuff out there, people are dropping like flies. Don’t be next.

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Hold the god damn phone! This is happening on The Cape? Hockey fights are one of the greatest pleasures in life and they are going on right under our nose?!

Can anyone fill us in on these games? Are there fights every time they play or are they rare? Are there goons? Who is the Cape Cod goon? WE NEED TO KNOW!

P.S. Not sure how I feel about the name Islanders. On one hand this is technically a man made island. On the other hand Islander hockey is derivative of New York and New York fucking sucks.

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