Cape Cod Hospitals Ready For Ebola – If They’d Just Ask Us, We Know The Cure

CapeCodOnline.com – A day after Ebola claimed its first victim on American soil, local hospital officials announced they have updated plans to identify and contain the rare but deadly virus on the chance it shows up on Cape Cod.

Patients arriving at the emergency centers at Cape Cod and Falmouth hospitals with Ebolalike symptoms — including fever, body aches, diarrhea and vomiting — will be asked if they have recently traveled to countries in West Africa where the virus has been rampaging, Cape Cod Healthcare officials said in a notice sent out to employees and associates on Thursday.

In cases where Ebola is suspected, the patient will be treated in special isolation rooms in the hospital’s emergency center and evaluated by an infectious disease physician in consultation with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the notice says.

I can’t for the life of me figure out why everyone is so worried about Ebola. We went through another “epidemic” scare not too long ago, doesn’t everyone remember AIDS? That shit was supposed to wipe out half the population but we kicked its ass. We can easily do the same thing with this “epidemic” and I’ll tell you how.

We just have to give Ebola to Magic Johnson. I mean AIDS was absolutely tearing through people like wildfire when Magic got it and then… crickets. My man dominated the disease to the point where he was still playing professional basketball in the NBA after being infected. Before him anyone that was HIV+ shriveled up and died in like a week. Magic got that shit and not only did he live, he made the god damn All-Star team.

It’s such an easy solution I can’t believe anyone else hasn’t thought of it. Inject Magic with some Ebola, he’ll piss out the vaccine, buy a couple hundred more Starbucks and be in bed by 9, problem solved.