Would you look at that, I was checking out our Facebook fan demographics and found out that we’ve got fans that are pirates. Given the change of the Cape’s demographics in the last few hundred years I really would have thought we’d have more Brazilian fans than swashbucklers but hey, a fan is a fan.

Anyway, this gave me an idea. As most of you know by now I’ve got a shark after me, so if any of you pirates are willing to help a brother out by hunting it down and killing it for me could you drop me a line? I may not be able to pay as much booty as you normally make pillaging but it would be much appreciated.

P.S. Does anyone know if GoFundMe has a “Raise money to pay a pirate to hunt and kill the shark that is stalking me” category? Maybe Kickstarter?

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

WL – Richard Reinhard has declined the Provincetown town manager position after several rounds of contract negotiations.

Reinhard informed the selectmen by phone and email Tuesday night that he is withdrawing from consideration for the job, citing Provincetown’s high cost of living and a lack of year-round career opportunities for his family.

“In visiting Provincetown, I developed a better understanding that the town’s resources would not allow me to be compensated in a way that I had anticipated. I also became acutely aware of the high housing prices in the town,” Reinhard wrote in an email addressed to the selectmen, obtained by the Banner.

The maximum salary for the town manager position was cut from $149,000 to $120,000 by Provincetown voters at the 2014 Annual Town Meeting.

“In the end, I think it was the housing issues and the opportunities for his family. I’m not sure the salary was even preeminent anymore.”

Reinhard’s husband, who works for a housing agency in Maryland, made his first trip to Provincetown over the weekend to beginning looking for housing.

However, Provincetown’s expensive real estate market quickly disillusioned Reinhard and his husband to the prospect of relocating, according to multiple sources.

You don’t have to be a genius to read between the lines and see what really happened here. It’s quite obvious who wears the pants in the Reinhard marriage. Save the soliloquy about how expensive P-Town is Richard. The application process for town manager is a long one, you had plenty of time to look into the cost of living. We can all plainly see that what really happened is your husband got into town, came face to face with the reality of Provincetown in the off season, and was like “Uh uh, heeelllll no!” We see who the boss is, no need to make up stories about housing costs.

You have to feel for the guy though, we all get dominated by our spouses sometimes. It’s just a little more embarrassing after you’ve accepted a powerful public job, you’re already in contract negotiations, and then along comes the hubby grabbing you by the scruff of the neck and dragging you back to Maryland with your tail between your legs at the last minute. The next thing you know the story is all over the internet and your status as the exclusive bottom is exposed to the world. (not that there’s anything wrong with that)

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That’s it my bags are packed and sitting by the front door. What the hell could she possibly be doing this far inland again besides looking for someone? Look at how freaking close she is to these houses, she’s definitely looking in the windows…

For all of you that are saying it’s impossible for a shark to stalk a person that is on land? Yeah well sharks aren’t supposed to have Twitter accounts with 16.9K followers either, but this one does. I’m telling you this is no normal shark…

 

Misunderstood my ass, I’m on to you Katharine!

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CapeCodOnline.com – When Eric Betzig needed to put a hand-built, super-high-resolution microscope through its paces, he brought it to a place where he could find the brightest biologists in the nation for the test drive: the Marine Biological Laboratory.

“It’s the place to be in the summer,” he said. “Just about anyone who’s anyone in biology, all working in one spot, working ridiculous hours and a bunch of great students willing to try anything — it’s a great proving ground.”

On Tuesday, Betzig was one of three scientists awarded a Nobel Prize in chemistry, all of whom worked to allow optical microscopes to observe individual molecules at a resolution far higher than once thought possible. Also winning were Stefan W. Hell of the Max Planck Institute for Biophysical Chemistry and William E. Moerner of Stanford University.

Hell yeah! Everyone knows that if you want to observe individual molecules you better get your ass to Cape Cod! We observe the shit out of individual molecules!

I don’t know about you but I haven’t observed multiple molecules at once in years, that’s poor people shit. It must suck to only be able to observe dozens of molecules at a time. I really feel bad for the rest of the world sometimes, they’ll just never understand the Cape Cod quality of life.

Cape Cod, come for the beaches, stay to observe individual molecules!

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Holy shit, she came all the way around the arm of the Cape overnight! (the orange lines connect the pings by timeline, not route, she isn’t walking on land… YET!) I’m starting to think Kate the Great is taking a liking to our harbors. She seems to be circling the Cape, almost like she is stalking something on land… or someone!?

Do you think she got wind of my blogs about my irrational fear of sharks and all the bad mouthing I’ve been doing about Great Whites? Is she coming for me and my family Like in Jaws 4 “The Revenge” when Jaws kills chief Brody’s son and then follows the Brody family to the Bahamas and stalks them?

All I know is I’m keeping one eye on that OCEARCH site and the other on my front door all day today. Call me paranoid but this bitch is cray! Just look at her pings from 2013 before I started talking shit about Great Whites…

Now look at her 2014 pings and tell me this killing machine isn’t circling the Cape and stalking the shit out of me…

I don’t care what anyone says, this beast is looking for someone, sharks don’t just swim up to Wellfleet Pier that far inland, take a quick peek at Dennis and than circle all the way around to Hyannis headed to Falmouth. This slut is on a mission and if the next ping isn’t further away from land so am I. I’ll be on I80 headed to Oklahoma so fast you won’t even remember I existed, no way I’m sticking around to face this pissed off people eater…

I’ll be sure to update everyone the next time she pings, but be warned, if this fucker is any closer to my house than she is now we will all be reading “The Real Tulsa” come this time tomorrow.

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CCT – On this day in 1984, workers from the New England Aquarium began giving lethal injections to beached pilot whales that could not be saved.

Ninety-four whales, some 20 feet long, were stranded Saturday on a beach in Eastham. The cause of the mass beaching, the largest in the Cape Cod area in recent years, is not known.

Ahh the ’80’s. When Reaganomics, cocaine, and aerosol hairspray ruled the world. Almost a hundred whales wash up on the beach? Nothing a lethal injection can’t take care of.

Can you imagine if this happened today? They would probably kick everyone off of Cape Cod until they figured out what caused it. The fact that they killed these whales is absolutely outrageous by today’s standards. We can’t even let Terry Schiavo die with dignity nowadays, they’d probably put the whales on gluten free feeding tubes and pull all of the doctors out of the people hospitals to keep them alive as long as possible.

Seriously though, what the hell causes 94 whales to beach themselves and commit suicide? I wonder if they saw the future and knew we were going to start roping off the beaches for Piping Plovers soon and they wanted to get one last day at the beach while they still could?

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Globe – The well-paced, well-plotted memoir, “Rocks: My Life In and Out of Aerosmith,” begins with Perry’s youth in Central Massachusetts in the 1950’s and ’60s. As a kid, Perry, who had a learning disability, struggled in school and suffered over it.

Beyond that, young Joe is portrayed as a nature lover/BB gun marksman/wannabe marine biologist, his parents promising him that if he gets his grades up he might be able to intern one summer at the Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution on Cape Cod.

“I was obsessed with learning from those men who explored the deep. I wanted to go deep,” Perry writes. And he would. Only in a different way.

This sounds like a skit on Saturday Night Live or something. Imagine Joe Perry as a marine biologist at WHOI in the ’70’s and ’80’s? He’d be drinking shots out of the fish tank he filled with Jack Daniel’s and snorting coke off a sea turtle’s ass. Next thing you know he wakes up on a ship in the Falkland islands with a random passed out penguin that’s wearing his puffy scarf around its head in the bunk with him.

It’s a good thing he ended up a rock star. Had he gone down the marine biologist path he probably would have contracted AIDS by shooting up with a needle he stole from the lab that extracts horseshoe crab blood. Who knows though, maybe he would have been successful and become known as the poor man’s Jacques Cousteau instead of being the poor man’s Keith Richards.

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony