photo by Dapixara

CapeCodTimes.com – After the pummeling of the past two months, Boston has found itself on the cusp of a city record for snowfall, needing just shy of 2 inches to match the 107.6 inches amassed in 1995-96.

But Cape Cod, in the words of National Weather Service spokesman Bill Simpson, is “not close to a record.”

Measuring snow is almost more of an art than a science, with observers having to take drifting into account, careful not to dip their rulers into snow from a previous accumulation. And any talk of records must take into account that snowfalls have only been documented in recent history, with phrases such as “recorded history” or “100-year record” stopping short of anything too definitive.

Listen Mr. National Weather Whatever Guy, you can dip your ruler right into your own ass as far as I’m concerned. I don’t care about drifting, previous accumulation, recorded history or any of that crap. This is the worst winter on Cape Cod in the history of everything, simple as that. Yesterday, a Woolly Mammoth wandered into my backyard and immediately killed himself when he saw how much snow there was. Bob Dylan officially changed the lyrics to “you don’t need a weatherman to tell how much this winter blows”. That’s how bad it is.

So, the National Weather Whoever can sit in whatever office they are in, keep doppling each other’s barometers, and tell us this winter is “not close to a record” all they want. Meanwhile, the people that actually live on Cape Cod will all unanimously tell you that on the crazy scale of 1-10, this winter is Gary Busey.

Freakin’ Al Gore. The dude invents global warming, sells out to Al Jazeera, and we never see his ass again. I knew those hanging chads would come back to bite us in the ass. It’s all Florida’s fault really.

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OK it is time to wrap. This. Shit. Up. Volkswagen sized icebergs on our beaches is one thing, but people skiing and snowboarding on the ocean with parachutes attached to them is where we need to draw the line.

P.S. You know it’s been a nightmare winter when people are posting celebratory pics of grass on Facebook.

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CCT – On this day in 1982, funeral services were held on Martha’s Vineyard for actor and comedian John Belushi, dead at 33 from a cocaine and heroin overdose four days earlier in Los Angeles.

“We can hear the call of his solitary warning: Wise up!”, the Rev. Ilia Katre of Boston’s Holy Trinity Church told the 200 mourners who gathered in West Tisbury for a 45-minute requiem service, citing a trademark Belushi phrase, as reported by the Associated Press.

Vineyarder James Taylor sang “That Lonesome Road”  and Belushi’s close friend and colleague Dan Aykroyd drove a  Harley Davidson to Abel’s Hill Cemetery in Chilmark, where Belushi was laid to rest under a light snowfall.

One word. Genius.

Watch John Belushi – With A Little Help From My Friend in Comedy  |  View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com

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CapeCodTimes.com – Cape and Islands business leaders said Friday they were stunned by staggering cuts to tourism-related programs in Gov. Charlie Baker’s proposed budget for the upcoming fiscal year.

Under the proposal, funding for the Massachusetts Office of Travel and Tourism, which markets the entire state as a leisure-travel destination, is slated to drop from just over $14 million to a little over $6 million, and financial assistance to the state’s 16 regional tourism councils is set to drop from $5 million to $500,000.

“We were shocked,” said Wendy Northcross, chief executive officer of the Cape Cod Chamber of Commerce and chairwoman of the Massachusetts Regional Tourism Councils. “Marketing works. Advertising works. To go backwards at this time doesn’t seem logical given the needs of the state.”

Is this the most short sighted move in the history of politics? Spending money on tourism marketing is one of the very few budget line items that actually creates a return on the spending. It’s an investment, not an expense. Imagine if someone ran a business this way? Let’s say you own a restaurant and you need to cut some spending, slashing your advertising budget is the last thing you would want to do. If anything you would want to increase marketing in order to increase revenue.

I guess seeing the big picture is just way too much to ask from our government though. God forbid they maybe cut expenditures that wouldn’t affect a major industry and the overall income of the state. I don’t know, maybe something like toll booth operators making $100K a year is a tiny bit more detrimental to the health of our economy than spending money on tourism marketing? If our fictitious restaurant had a dishwasher making six figures and we slashed our advertising budget instead of firing him, it would be out of business in 8 seconds flat.

Hey Charlie Baker, it takes money to make money. Business 101. Thanks for murdering Cape Cod though.

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This is how thick ice in Wellfleet, Cape Cod! Dapixara pic. @CapeCodNPS #nature http://t.co/EZ4jzjrCMY pic.twitter.com/QLoutS9ELB

— Dapixara (@dapixara) March 7, 2015

Well, it was nice knowing everyone. The human race was a good race and we had a good run. We almost figured out a way to get off this rock before it became uninhabitable, but it looks like we’ve only got a year or two left at best. God bless us everyone.

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First you see the dress and wonder what the big deal is, then your eyes wander over to the mirror and… BINGO! Innocent Moms all over Cape Cod are casually shopping Facebook for hot pink dresses and the next thing they know there’s a big ol’ mangina staring ’em right in the face.

IT PUTS THE LOTION IN THE BASKET OR IT GETS THE HOSE!

thanks to Kelly for the pic

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OMG! I can’t even! My life is over. A diaper commercial? A DIAPER COMMERCIAL!? How am I supposed to rock out in my underwear to All About That Bass dreaming of bountiful bootys now? We had it all Meghan, I was a Megatron 4 life and now everything is ruined, EVERYTHING!

Yeah, I know, times have changed and everything is commercialized now, but diapers? That’s an all time, grade A, level 5 boner killer. Might as well buy a one way ticket on Dude Guy’s Diddle Bus. I’d have taken Playtex granny girdles in a heartbeat over diapers.

 

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