CBS – Most customers can’t wait for one weekly tradition: every Thursday night at the Bog, the sweet smell of smoke is in the air for “Free Bacon Thursdays.”

“Anyone who sits at the bar gets a bucket of free bacon,” General Manager Lindsey McGrath explained.

“It is absolutely fresh cooked bacon that we provide for you, and it’s served in a little canister, and you can snack as you please,” added Chef Ashley.

Listen, is the bacon fad a little played out? Sure it is, but that doesn’t mean that bacon isn’t one of the most delicious things to ever roam the earth. The fact that we had to find out about this free bacon night through The Phantom Gourmet is a travesty. Nobody comes into our backyard and tells us about free bacon, it’s embarrassing is what it is.

So from now on, we ask that you, the readers, keep us informed of any and all free cured meat nights anywhere on this peninsula. We can’t be everywhere at once. You are our eyes and ears out there. In fact, we are willing to offer one free T-shirt to anyone who sends us a tip that results in the consumption of free meat in any form. So what we are saying is, we’ll be looking into this, but until then, keep your ear to the grindstone.

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I made a mistake – w4m (Harwich)

To JR,

I am sorry for my actions 2 months ago. I made a huge mistake and I admit that. I allowed my feelings, emotions and ugly jealousy to take control. 6 years of admiring you from afar exploded when we finally first kissed. I wish I controlled my self better.

I now realize the mistake I made of not respecting your current situation and what you are wanting/not wanting.
I hope you can forgive me. I do still care about you.SCTLND

This ad a reader sent in just really tugged at my heartstrings. JR, if you are out there and you read this, please reach out to SCTLND. She obviously still cares about you, enough so that she even took the time to post a random message that you’ll probably never see on an online classified ad site. I don’t know about you, but nothing screams forgiveness to me more than reaching out via the same site that people visit to find midget transsexual hookers.

It’s tough not to root for these two, there is just nothing more romantic than the story of a 6 year love coming to fruition, only to be lost, then found again because of Craigslist. If that doesn’t restore your faith in humanity I don’t know what will. It reminds me of that classic poem… “If you love something, set it free. If it posts an ad in the missed connections section of Craigslist it’s yours, if it doesn’t, then download Tinder ASAP”… or something like that.

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WQUK- Officials say that during excavation of the Bourne rotary, in an effort to clean up gas spilled from a fuel tanker accident, crews uncovered what seems to be an ancient burial ground. The area the bones were found reaches from the rotary to the edge of the Cape Cod Canal forcing a complete shut down of the bridge that officials say will last at least a year.

Well cancel the summer and start planning the funeral because Cape Cod just died. This is the end times folks, rumors coming out of Bourne are that we have our forefathers to blame for this nightmare. Check out this quote from FIRSTresponse Environmental services spokeswoman April Springer…

“From the way the bones are piled up it looks like they may have been excavated during the digging of the canal and dumped here illegally, possibly to avoid a stoppage in construction.”

No wonder they were able to build the bridge faster than it took us to paint it, they cheated by starting with a big pile of bones. What a bunch of fools.

Buckle up everyone, it’s going to be a long summer.

Click Here for the tanker crash info

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CapeCodTimes.com – A Falmouth man was indicted Monday by a Suffolk County grand jury on charges of larceny and money laundering through used construction machinery sales totaling $635,000, according to a statement from Attorney General Maura Healey’s office.

Healey’s office alleges that Desgroseilliers stole more than $635,000 through the two companies from 10 people who either paid him for construction equipment that was never delivered or who did not receive refunds. In one case, Desgroseilliers received $78,000 for an excavator and $80,000 for a wheel loader, both from a customer in Nigeria who never received the equipment, according to the statement.

Wait a second, were they exiled sons of Nigerian royal family members who needed the excavator to spring their falsely accused parents from jail so they could get access to their family fortune of $585,000,000?

If so, I know those guys, I recently wired them my life savings and they are going to wire me back $15,000,000 as soon as the king and queen get out of jail and they get their paperwork in order. This Desgroseilliers guy better get them this equipment ASAP, those Nigerians don’t have much time left before the rebels take their family fortune.

I’m not even that concerned about my money since I still have my blogging fingers and can always make more money, but those poor Nigerian princes have a lot to lose. I’d hate to see them fall victim to some shady international money scam.

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WCVB – A new Massachusetts law will soon requires drivers to turn headlights on when the vehicle’s windshield wipers are needed.

The law, which goes into effect April 7, also says headlights should be in use 30 minutes before sunrise and sunset or when visibility is under 500 feet.

Drivers can be ticketed for failing to comply with the new headlight law, and it is considered a minor surchargeable traffic violation, according to Eagle Trust Insurance.

Surcharges may result in increased insurance premiums.

Is this a good idea? Probably. Will it save lives? Most likely. The problem for people that already learned to drive is that it falls squarely into the “How the hell are we supposed to remember this is a law” category. I just spent 20 minutes in my kitchen trying to figure out why I was in there. I had to eat a sleeve of Girl Scout cookies just to save face, it was awful. No way I remember this every time.

Massachusetts is basically trying to teach a 13 year old Beagle how to roll over. I’d love to see the look on grandma’s face when a cop tells her that he pulled her over because her headlights weren’t on but her wipers were, pure confusion. Wouldn’t it be easier to pass a law that forces car companies to make it so the lights automatically go on when you hit the wipers than it is to confuse the shit out of every old person in the state? We have cars that parallel park themselves and know how to get to Cleveland, it can’t be that hard.

Also, what about circumstances where this makes no sense? What if you turn your wipers on to wash your windshield on a clear sunny day? Still illegal to not have the headlights on? Where does the government micro managing our lives end? Will they control our bowel movements soon?

P.S. Most importantly, what if you are driving through the Nevada desert with a Samoan lawyer on mescaline and have the wipers on to ward off all of the imaginary bats flying around? Imagine if that’s how Fear and Loathing ended? With Raoul Duke going to jail before he gets to Vegas for having his wipers on but not the headlights? I’m sorry but I don’t want to live in a world where a drug fueled search for the American dream is derailed by a windshield wiper law, I just don’t.

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ACK – Nantucket was the fastest-growing county in the state last year, increasing its population 2.7 percent or 288 residents from 10,568 to 10,856 between July 2013 and July 2014, according to estimates released yesterday by the U.S. Census Bureau.

Dukes County – the six towns of Martha’s Vineyard – was the second-fastest-growing county in the state, adding 166 new residents, a .96 percent increase, according to the Census estimates.

Some people may find this surprising but I, for one, am not shocked in the least. Have you seen what Nantucket looked like the last few months? It’s been a frozen tundra surrounded by ice, the place looked like Greenland for a while there. There’s only two things to do on Nantucket when the weather is that bad, go to The Chicken Box, or smash genitals, and one of those leads to the other 97% of the time.

It wouldn’t surprise me if the entire island is like the Roman coliseum, but instead of gladiators fighting lions and shit it’s just a bunch of people running around in pastels and boat shoes engaging in gland to gland combat, just humping anything that moves. If we have any more winters like the last few we’ve had, Nantucket will probably need to build high rise dorms like UMASS Amherst for all the winter Whaler babies.

P.S. Just look at the dude on that postcard, some sea hag just did so many unspeakable things to him that he’s smoking his pipe upside down.

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GN – The U.S. Coast Guard rescued nine crew members of a Canadian replica pirate ship after the vessel’s engine shut off off the coast of northern Massachusetts early Monday morning.

According to the Coast Guard, the Canadian tall ship “Liana’s Ransom” was rescued roughly 93 kilometres east of Gloucester around 12:35 a.m. after Sector Boston’s Command Centre received a notification that the ship’s engines were disabled and it’s sails were wrapped around the mast.

One of the nine crew members hurt his head leaping from the vessel and was airlifted to Massachusetts General Hospital by Coast Guard helicopter diverted from Air Station Cape Cod.

Fuckin’ Canada. Can’t even fake pirate right. What is Canada even doing with a pirate ship? Is there a long history of swashbuckling in Montreal? Do us a favor Canucks, stick to seedy strip clubs and not locking your doors at night. We will take care of the replica pirating.

There’s 18 million shipwrecks east of Massachusetts from foreigners trying to navigate our waters. Maybe if America’s hat built a replica pirate snowmobile and left the boats to us we wouldn’t have needed to save their asses.

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