CapeCodTimes.com – A month after the former IHOP restaurant on the Bourne Rotary caught fire, the company planning to transform the property into a Dunkin’ Donuts has applied for a building permit to repair the damaged roof, siding and windows in hopes of opening in September.

Cape Cod Enterprises Inc., a subsidiary of the Stoneham-based Couto Management Group, had initially planned on an August grand opening for its sixth Dunkin’ Donuts in Bourne. But on May 15, a fire scorched about a quarter of the building, damaging the side of the building facing the rotary.

Days before the fire, representatives of the Couto Management Group came before Bourne selectmen in hopes of receiving a common victualler license, which was later granted. With no proposal for a drive-thru, addition or changes to the parking lot, the plans required no site plan review or special permit for approval.

Oh sweet, at least it won’t have a drive-thru, that should really help slow everything down even more. Maybe while they’re at it they can roast the beans individually and brew each cup of coffee to order. That should keep each customer there even longer and really add to the congestion.

Look, we are very pro business here at The Real Cape. We are big fans of free enterprise and allowing businesses to thrive, but at some point you have to use common sense when it comes to negatively effecting the greater good. At a time when Bourne rotary traffic backs up for miles and we are considering building a third bridge to alleviate it, do we really want to purposely grow a blood clot in one of the two major arteries that carry the oxygen into the heart of Cape Cod?

I realize that this company has every right to legally open this Dunkin’ Donuts, but is it really going to hurt their bottom line if people are forced to go to one of the FIVE other locations that they already own in Bourne? Do they really need a sixth Dunkin’ to make sure they have a monopoly on Munchkins in town?

I don’t know about you but I definitely plan on boycotting this Dunk…   Oh who am I kidding, Dunkin’ Donuts has us all by the balls. They know it, we know it, even David Ortiz and Gronk know it. We all should just start getting used to adding another half hour to our trips on and off the Cape because everyone is gonna be “Sippin’ on Dunkin’ Iced…”

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MVTimes.com – I love a good natural history question to ponder! And the brown recluse spider, Loxosceles reclusa, furnishes a fine one. Academic spider researchers consider this species, one of very few spiders capable of giving humans a serious bite, a creature of the south-central portions of the United States.

Although an avid student of bugs of all kinds, I’ve never seen a recluse here (or indeed anywhere else). Yet I regularly receive reports of brown recluses on the Vineyard, and recurring discussion of this species on a Vineyard Facebook page I frequent shows many Islanders firmly persuaded that brown recluses are an abundant and well-established peril here.

LaLaLaLaLaLaLaLaLa… I’m sorry I can’t hear you Mr. Killmy Buzz the depressing MV Times writer. I only read the first two paragraphs of this article, and even then I Men In Blacked the memory right out of my brain. Feel free to click the link and read more if you want, but not me. I simply love Donovan and his Dirty Banana’s too much. I just value whiskey during the day at The Ritz more than I value knowledge. Lobster Rolls at The Lookout are just more important than science at this point in my life. Sorry, not sorry.

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Edgartown PD Facebook – Edgartown Police and Fire responded to to a person who became buried after the hole he dug at Norton Point Beach caved in. The male had dug a 6-8 foot deep hole before it collapsed.

His friends were able to clear only enough sand to establish an airway. Edgartown Fire personnel used shovels and a backhoe to dig the male out. We want to remind the public of the dangers of digging holes at the beach.

First off, there’s no way this is a local Vineyarder right? Only a tourist would dig an 8 ft. hole at a beach. Even then, digging holes at the beach is a little embarrassing for a grown man.

Secondly, what does that mean his friends could only clear enough sand to establish an airway? Um, keep digging ya pricks. Your buddy just dug an 8 ft. hole by himself. I’m pretty sure you can dig him out of it.

Lastly, great job by all the emergency responders that rescued this guy. I would like to publicly apologize to all of you from the human race. The fact that we have no natural enemies and no way to cull our herd means that you have to dig holes at the beach with excavators to save lives every once in a while. If only we were hunted by lions, I’m sure this genius would have run face first into a tree and been eaten by now. Instead you need to waste a day digging him out of his sandcastles moat. Again, sorry.

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CapeCodTimes.com – A 54-year-old West Yarmouth man pleaded not guilty in Barnstable District Court on Wednesday to charges that he has been defecating in public at Seaview Beach for the last three months.

George Packer, of Wampanoag Road, was charged with open and gross lewdness and drinking alcohol in public after he was arrested early Wednesday morning, following a lengthy Department of Natural Resources investigation to identify the individual who had been repeatedly defecating on the steps leading to Seaview Beach in South Yarmouth.

According to court documents, Yarmouth Natural Resources Officer Timothy Parsons arrived at the beach at 5 a.m., hoping to catch the perpetrator. In his report, Parsons wrote that within a half hour he noticed Packer on the stairs of the beach with a beer in his hand. The officer recognized him as the man he had seen in surveillance videos.

Packer put down his beer, lowered his pants, and left a bowel movement on the steps, the report states.
“I was shocked by this,” Parsons wrote in his report. “I then came over the mound of sand that I had been peering from and announced myself and informed him I was law enforcement from the Town of Yarmouth.”

Parsons told Packer he saw him defecate on the steps and asked him why he’d been doing that.

“He responded, ‘I don’t have a good answer, I don’t really know,’” Parsons wrote.

“I then asked why he decided it was better to defecate on the steps (than) to use the Port-o-Potty located less than 10 feet away. He responded, ‘I don’t know, I just like to walk on the beach and then I have to go and so I go on the steps.’”

Is there any point to asking this dude why he keeps pooping on the steps? There is no acceptable answer to that question, so there’s really no reason to ask. What could he possibly say that would alleviate the situation? Is there any excuse known to man that would make anyone say “Oh, ok then, that makes sense” after watching someone crap outside in public? The dude just likes pooping on the steps, it’s as simple as that.

My dog likes to poop in the same place all the time too. I’d be willing to bet that even if there was a portable toilet ten feet away from his favorite spot, he wouldn’t use it either. You know how most people won’t poop in public toilets and only like to poop at home? It’s normal to have a place you like to poop. It just so happens that this guy’s “place” is 10 feet away from a toilet on the steps to a public beach. At least he had the wherewithal to put his beer down before he took a crap in public, a true gentleman never shits with a beer in his hand.

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CCT – A homeless man was arrested early Saturday morning an charged with breaking into a car. According to a Yarmouth police release, officers were dispatched to Grant Road in West Yarmouth just after 3 a.m. for a reported car break-in. The car owner told police he saw a white man in a gray sweatshirt break into his car.

Barnstable Police K9 Officer Sean Roycroft and his dog arrived and began to track the suspect. Within a few minutes, the dog had tracked and located the suspect in the rear of the Ravenswood Condo complex.

When Yarmouth officers arrived at the area where the suspect was being detained, they found a man lying on the ground under a sheet, police said. Car cell phone charges, cell phones, clothing, gift cards and loose change were strewn about.

The suspect, who was identified as 19-year-old Guy Face, told the officers he was homeless and did not know what was going on. Face denied knowing anything about the break-in and told the officers he is homeless and sleeps in the area, police said.

Despite his denial, the suspect was positively identifed by the car owner and taken into custody.

Ah, the old run home and hide under a sheet and pretend you’re asleep under a sheet on top of a pile of cell phones, gift cards and loose change trick. It usually works like a charm, unless of course your home is the bushes behind a condo complex.

If anyone would like to hear this story in person directly from this dude, I’m sure you can find him at Dunkin’ Donuts on free donut Friday.

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Patch – There’s no such thing as free lunch.

But on Fri., June 5 there will be such thing as a free donut.

Dunkin’ Donuts is offering the freebies in honor of National Donut Day. There is a catch: customers must purchase a beverage to get their free handful of sweet deliciousness.

You may think I’m writing this to tell you to make sure you get to Dunkin’ Donuts on Friday, but I am actually suggesting you do the exact opposite and avoid DD at all costs on free donut day.

The one drawback of Dunkin’ Donuts is the plethora of Martians one has to deal with. Whether it be in the store or in the drive thru, the freaks of society patronize Dunkins like the army of the dead from Game of Thrones.

Think  about how many of these people there are on a normal day. Now think about the amount of them that will be crawling around on a day where you get free donuts. Now think about the type of Gremlins that are actually willing to sit in huge lines and pack into a donut shop like sheep just to save 0.95 cents.

I don’t know about you but I’d pay double for a donut if it meant not having to deal with the dregs of society. So before you succumb to the marketing tactics of the D, think about how crowded it’s going to be, then think about the level of Martianry that will be on display, and then think about all the other places around here that sell coffee and donuts and run as fast as you can to one of them.

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At a few of our recent events we’ve been chatting with a ton of people that are coming to this years festival and many of them have said they plan on just grabbing tickets at the Fairgrounds on the day of the show. We just wanted to let everyone here on Cape Cod know that while the fairgrounds are big, there is a finite amount of tickets we can sell.

Given the popularity of national acts that we booked for this years show, we are expecting over 5,000 people this year. So far we have already sold more tickets for this years festival than we did all of last year and at the pace they are selling, there is a distinct chance that it may sell out.

So we just want to stress to our local Cape Cod readers that you really should get your tickets in advance if possible, the last thing we would want is our local readers not getting into the festival because they waited on tickets since they live so close to the venue. We are going real big this year, we are moving the show from the small concert area at the Fairgrounds to a larger open field and will be building two giant festival stages. This is going to be a grand scale, legit sized festival and we’d just hate to see any locals missing out so please grab your tickets in advance just in case we end up turning people away at the gates.

Thanks so much everyone for your support, this is definitely gearing up to be the biggest thing on Cape Cod in a very long time.

CLICK HERE for The Real Cape Festival Website for tix and info

CLICK HERE to like the festival Facebook page and keep up with announcements

tix for sale below…

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