You’d think the world was coming to an end because one privileged white woman is pretending to be black. White America is freaking out left and right, but it doesn’t really seem like that big of a deal to me. I guess it’s because tons of privileged white kids have been pretending to be black on Cape Cod for years. Excuse me, tons of white kids have been “identifying” as black on Cape Cod for years.

Maybe CNN should come to this peninsula and check out the phenomenon we’ve all known about since childhood. For years we’ve been wondering why the white kid that lives on a nice cul de sac on Cape Cod and went to the same elementary school as us decided to act black. I guess he just felt right in a Tupac do-rag and a Triple Fat Goose jacket. He simply “identified” himself as looking fly as hell in Phat Pharm is all.

It’s not really a big deal, they usually end up putting one and one together and realizing that it really is much easier to be white. They notice much less police attention when they are wearing a belt instead of their pants around their knees. They notice how they get much better service at restaurants when they are wearing a collared shirt instead of a XXXXXL FUBU Tee. Basically they eventually realize that white privilege isn’t just a cliche.

So next time someone is all up in arms about the German Weave Queen up in Spokane, tell ’em it’s no big deal, she’ll grow out of it. Then tell them about white Jimmy J Roc from down the street who used to think he was in Wu Tang, but now he does your taxes and is in the Elks.

Or next time some conservative tells you it’s some liberal agenda, tell them to stop freaking out, this white people pretending to be black thing is nothing new, and they usually end up coming back to the whiteness anyway. Steve Martin was born a poor black child, and he ended up inventing the Opti-Grab. Look at Elvis, he was black as a teenager, and he ended up becoming a, white, bloated, fake DEA agent.

So everyone calm down about this fake black lady OK? It’s no big deal. Call me when Stevie Wonder pulls off a mask and reveals that he’s Old Man Withers from Scooby Doo. Then I’ll be impressed.

P.S. By the way, this “race identifying” thing works both ways, Tiger Woods has been pretending to be white his entire life. Nobody seems to care two sticks about that.

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Twitter: Hippie - Insane Tony

Hippie and Bonzai stop by the Frank FM Morning Show with Stephanie and Steve tomorrow morning at 7:30 to talk about all the surprises in store for The Real Cape Music Festival. When that’s done they will most likely do what they do best and talk about the general state of the Cape. It’s always interesting when the internet and radio collide.

Make sure to tune in to 93.5, 93.9 or CLICK HERE to stream the show live.

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NECN – Nantucket Police sent out a tweet just before noon on Friday alerting residents that a raccoon had been seen in the area of Orange Street by Marine Home Center. The animal control officer and Massachusetts Environmental Police are working to trap the animal. Anyone who sees it is urged to call police at 508-228-1212.

Because it is separated from the mainland, Nantucket doesn’t typically have any raccoons. It also doesn’t have any skunks, foxes or coyotes, although there are plenty of deer, rabbits and other, smaller rodents.

Wait, there’s no raccoons, skunks, foxes or coyotes on Nantucket? This raccoon must be living the high life. He’s the 1% of raccoons. Imagine having the pick of the litter over there if you’re a tiny mammal? Rocky Raccoon probably went through John Kerry’s trash last night and had some filet mignon and a glass of 2003 Lafite. Today he’s probably out on Belichick’s boat rocking some Nantucket Reds, and a pair of Ray Ban’s.

What a raccoon life. He’ll probably go to the Chicken Box tonight and pull a dime off the dance floor. The Nantucket Raccoon, doing things mainland raccoons only see in the movies. Friggin’ guy even set up a Twitter account already. Only in America.

thanks to Stephanie Viva for the tip

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What the hell did we just watch? What would you do if you saw these dudes doing this at the beach? Would you take mercy on them and explain how to correctly throw a Frisbee? Would you call the police? Punch yourself in the tits to make sure you weren’t dreaming?

Obviously the answer is that you’d do exactly what this person did, bust out your phone and take video so not only could you make fun of them and laugh with all your friends at the time, but you could also make fun of them and laugh for years to come at parties. Someone get these guys some physics lessons STAT.

thanks to P.T. Maddigan for the tip

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TW – So many people were clamoring to get to Belmar, New Jersey, on Sunday, that the mayor stopped all incoming traffic from coming in during the afternoon, saying the small town had reached capacity.

The population is usually about 6,000, but during the summer it soars to more than 60,000, NJ.com reports. Mayor Matt Doherty told NJ Advance Media that he spoke with the police department about the huge number of people packed in the 1.6-square-mile beach town, and they decided Belmar needed to be closed to visitors for safety reasons. Doherty said a “perfect storm of good things” caused the swell in visitors, including the 29th annual seafood festival and beautiful weather. Although visitors were turned away, residents just had to show their license to get around the road closures, and the town reopened for everyone at around 7 p.m.

I wonder if this Mayor was college roommates with Don Stainbrook and Carlo DiPersio of the Sandwich Heritage Garden Zip Line Fun Police? They would probably LOVE to just shut down the entire town.

It seems like a drastic tactic, but I did a little investigating and this is a video of a car full of people headed to Belmar on vacation…

Ummmm… yeah, I’d have shut that shit down permanently. If those were the people coming over the bridges to Cape Cod, I would personally blow them both up like they were The Bridge Over The River Kwai.

Next time you get upset about a 17 year old with dreadlocks parking his parents Mercedes in an illegal spot to play some Lax at the beach, come to this post, watch this video, and give that kid from Hingham a big hug. At least he’s not Juicehead Johnson and his cousin Steroids McGee from that video up there.

P.S. Don’t Jersey The Cape…

thanks to Craig for the tip

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FOX – A pair of horrific shark attacks in a span of little more than an hour Sunday left two youths badly injured and rocked a North Carolina beach town, where the mayor said Monday there wasn’t enough time to get everyone out of the water after the first victim was bitten.

A 12-year-old girl visiting from out of town was the first victim, at Oak Island near the Ocean Crest Fishing Pier. The girl, who was not identified, lost part of her left arm and was in danger of losing her left leg in the attack, which occurred at about 4:40 p.m., officials said Sunday. A little more than an hour later, at 5:51, medics responded to a second attack about two miles away, this time on a 16-year-old boy, also visiting, who lost his left arm. It was not known if the same shark was responsible for both attacks. Both victims were in fair condition Monday at a Wilmington hospital.

It’s only a matter of time! WE ARE ALL GONNA DIE! I love you Cape Cod, but…

Keep an eye out for the launch of therealkansas.com coming soon!

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CapeCod.com – A Marstons Mills woman who formerly served as the chief financial officer at the Woods Hole Research Center and the International Fund for Animal Welfare in Yarmouth has been charged with stealing prescription medications from the children of a family that rented a house she owns.

Melanie Powers was released on personal recognizance after pleading not guilty Thursday in Barnstable District Court to five counts of larceny of a controlled substance.

The 57-year-old Powers was captured on video by the mother of the children from whom the medications were allegedly stolen. The family is renting a home from Powers.

The drugs stolen included oxycodone, morphine, Ketamine, Dilaudid and diazepam. The children took the medication for a rare genetic connective tissue disorder.

Obviously this woman is a complete scumbag for stealing a kids medicine, she should be locked up and yada, yada, yada… now on to the important question. What the hell kind of genetic condition gets you that list of drugs? Holy shit what a cocktail. I don’t know about you but I can feel my connective tissue disordering as we speak, someone get me the name of that doctor.

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