EVEN MORE Annoying Cape Cod Questions..

After writing Post 1 and Post 2 discussing questions that annoy me as a Cape Cod native, you people went absolutely bat shit and I freakin’ love it. I received a lot of interesting questions you wanted answered, most of which had nothing to do with Cape Cod but were more geared towards my relationship status and your sexual habits – but whatever, I’m a wealth of knowledge so bring it, psychos.

Anyways, today’s annoying Cape Cod question is:

Oh you’re from Cape Cod? Do you know ‘insert name of random stranger I absolutely will not know nor do I care to ask a follow-up question on the off chance that I do’?

Seriously? When I mention I’m from Cape Cod, I could literally be referring to any one of the fifteen towns that cover almost 400 square miles. Do you know how many freaking people live in each of those towns? I sure as shit don’t. I don’t even know how large Cape Cod is. I literally just had to fucking google how many towns are on Cape Cod so I could finish that sentence.

But yes, I most definitely know some rando that you met once who is most likely a summer kid that said he’s from Plymouth which is on the wrong side of the bridge – don’t EVEN get me started on that one.

And on the off-chance I do know the person you’re referring to, I can pretty much guarantee it’s from something embarrassing or whorish I did in my younger years which means I won’t admit I know them, anyway.

It’s pretty much the equivalent of you asking someone from California if they know anyone famous. There’s a small chance they do, medium chance they’re lying and a very large, very great chance they will punch you in the face.

It’s like people assume that since there isn’t jack shit to do in the winter we have some sort of secret society where we all introduce each other by our sea-shell names and eat clams. That actually sounds pretty legit and could possibly be the next Real Cape event.