State House Passes Bill To Officially Make Wareham Part Of Cape Cod


WQUK Boston – When the Massachusetts State House passed the first bill on the docket on Thursday, most representatives weren’t aware of a hidden provision that was added at the last minute by a Wareham Representative. The provision, which will add the town of Wareham to Barnstable County and call for the editing of official state maps to include Wareham as part of Cape Cod, was hidden inside of House Bill 4043, which passed easily.

When asked about the controversial bill, which at face value deals with the re-districting of town elections in a handful of South Shore towns, most State Reps readily admitted they weren’t aware of the late addition which will reconfigure Cape Cod to include Wareham. One Representative went so far as to call the Bill a blatant manipulation of the political process.

We haven’t posted here on The Real Cape in quite some time, but we simply could not let this news slip by without bringing it to your attention. Somehow this hasn’t attracted the mainstream media attention we think it deserves so we dug up as much as we could about it in order to shine a light on a move that could be disastrous to the Cape as we know it.

Many Cape Cod officials have expressed fear that the change could be detrimental to the Cape and especially its tourism industry. One citizen said he is worried that “The addition of Wareham to Cape Cod will drastically increase the amount of $600 cars equipped with $3,000 rims, which will cost Barnstable County untold amounts of money in excise tax.”

April Springer, a Cape based director of retail development was quoted as saying “My concern with Wareham being part of Cape Cod is that national retailers located on the Cape like Macy’s and TJ Maxx will mistakenly change their inventory to only carry jean shorts, Affliction t-shirts and Hanes mid calf tube socks due to the updated demographics.”

Not all officials were against Bill 4043 though, when he was made aware of the hidden provision, Townesie Van Zandt, a member of the Wareham Chamber of Commerce said “Cape Cod should be thrilled to have Wareham become the peninsula’s 16th town. Wareham brings quite a bit to the table, we’ve got Marc Anthony’s Pizza and… umm… we still have payphones too.”

Meanwhile, after questioning hundreds of Cape Codders, we could only find two supporters of House Bill 4043.

“Slim” Timmy Tesno who owns both Slim’s Boost Mobile Flip Phone Mart and Timmy’s Starter Jacket Emporium (which recently expanded to sell Chinese knock-off Patriots jerseys) loves the move and seems to think the addition of Wareham will be great for business at both of his establishments.

Also strongly in favor of Wareham becoming part of Barnstable County was a pregnant woman we questioned in a Cumberland Farm’s parking lot who declined to share her “government name”.  In between puffs of a Newport and sips from a Fireball nip, the woman eloquently gloated about the amount of gas money she would save by not having to travel over the bridge for her baby daddy’s court dates.

The bottom line is the Cape needs a strong leader to fight Bill 4043. Before we know it the bridges will be bustling with people coming from Wareham to steal our jobs, abuse our school systems and healthcare services, and terrorize our citizens. If we could only find a leader who would replace the Canal with a giant wall, someone who will call for an outright ban of Wareham immigrants, someone who will establish a database of all people from Wareham already living on Cape Cod to track them, if only we could find someone who could make the Cape great again…

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